Hey People

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breerenee90

New member
I know I probably should of introduced myself in the newbie forums but I don't feel like it since I figure no one really reads those. I'm just really wanting someone (anyone) to talk to lately. I've tried other OCD websites like Stuckinadoorway.org for example, but it just doesn't seem at all active and its difficult to post in.

Anyway I was diagnosed with OCD a couple months back but i've always known that I had it. My obsessions vary but they first started out with blasphemous, religious thoughts (i was raised a christian). Then they became about just different self-conscious issues. Then violence, even shear terror of becoming or actually being a pedophile. I just turned 20 and the past year has had some pretty traumatic experiences for me that I have not gotten over due to the fact that I just completely suppress them. Couple months back, I did a really terrible thing that I cannot get over and I hate and feel utter shame and disgust with myself that I really need to speak with someone about. I just want someone with OCD to share my pain with.

Anything helps, I just want to make a friend or two. Thanks for reading guys. Hope to hear some feedback.
 
6string

6string

Member
I definately have a huge ocd problem. It is the sole foundation for everything else that is difficult in my life. I am constantly faced with the, "but you don't wash your hands" etc etc etc but my obsessions are purely mental as well as most of my compulsions. It is so hard for me to seem normal to others and never have one free thought in my mind, just negativity on repeat. It's a tough thing to deal with but you're not alone which in someway helps me.....a little. I know you say that you did something bad recently but I'm almost 100% sure it isn't as bad as you think. It's your mind tricking you and the more you try to stop it the worse it gets. I know more than you realize how easy it is for me to say this but trust me I am in the same boat.
As a side note on the blasphemy thoughts (which are a quite common obsession) if you still believe in God then your belief inherently means that God is all knowing therefore he/she/or whatever you please would know how you feel inside and would know that not only do you not believe those thoughts, you are tortured by them. Hope this helps, probably won't but my whole point is that you are not alone. I probably had 25 ocd thoughts while writing this...typing then backspace typing then backspace.....
 
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breerenee90

New member
Thanks for taking the time to post, i'm sure it was difficult!
I am no longer a christian and I haven't been for about two years or so. Its definitely caused me a lot of confusion and frustration but I am happier in the long run. And the blasphemous thoughts started when I was extremely young. They peaked when I was around 13 cause I was convinced I was going to hell. Then the pedophilia obsessions came around 15. Then ever since i've been dating my boyfriend at 17, its just been one random ****ed up thing after another. I've lost my identity and my thoughts are not my own, ever. The thing I acted upon which I haven't told anyone is hard to talk about and I don't know who to go to. I gotta see a real therapist soon for OCD cause the lady I was talking too just doesn't get it, y'know?
 
6string

6string

Member
I've read alot of ocd books, all of which where okay but a bit too medical. Then I read Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson. It addresses all of these things in a very understanding, helpful and insightful way. And yeah there are ocd therapists specifically. Check em out I guess
 
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