HOCD Is Sooooo Irritating!

HSaunders

New member
Ok, basically, I got HOCD about two weeks ago, I think it is because I have never had a crush on a boy, I've always liked girls, had fantisies over girls e.t.c. but then suddenly I thought, what if I'm gay? And I just felt this terrible pain of anxiety come over me and I was really scared and nervous, I always have disturbing images in my head of disgusting homosexual images, and I get an errection still looking at straight porn. I don't really want to watch gay porn, but I'm scared it might arouse me? But I just don't want to! I deep down know I'm not gay and never will be! But the thought just scares me sooo much!
Am I gay? Or is it HOCD? If it is HOCD, when will it go?!
Help Please! :D
 

Feathers

Well-known member
It's probably HOCD, because if you were really gay you wouldn't be upset by it... you'd just like looking at guys and such stuff..

At most, you might be bi-curious, especially if you haven't experienced anything real with anyone..

And even if you would really be bisexual (attracted to guys and girls) you could still choose to be in a relationship or even married with a female, most likely.. And you could see it better then, if you like being in a relationship with a girl, or if there are very important things missing that you could only get elsewhere.. Many people who consider themselves bi-curious or bisexual, are still in perfectly straight relationships.. It's important to be honest with yourself though..

Look up HOCD online, on other forums, some therapists who are OCD specialists have articles about it too..

I think it's better to stay away from any porn right now, it might just confuse you.. you don't need to fantasize about anyone either..

And even if you 'were' gay, by any odd chance... so what? Yes, it might make life more difficult, you could still remain 'in the closet' about it and not tell anyone? You could meet some colorful folks and decide if this would be for you or not...?

I was terribly scared God wanted me to be a nun when I was 12 or so, maybe even younger.. sometimes I still get thoughts like this :) But I know I'd be a terrible nun lol..
I have seen nuns and talked to them and read about them, I don't feel drawn to their lifestyle at all.. There's always an element of conscious choice in these things.. You can choose a certain lifestyle..
 

HSaunders

New member
The thing is I really don't want to be gay! Or Bi! I know I'm fully straight, but I just can't get it out my head!
 
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