Scully1
Member
hi scully,
i wonder how do u stay so positive?
have you had it affect you in very minimal kind of way? i mean, i'm 29 and i feel like my life is over, it's ruined and destroyed and i only was just diagnosed. for me, the toughest is knowing that i missed out on all the past experiences, oppostunities and, well, everything...my mind just never caugh up with my age. i have no motivation, ambition or any way of understanding much of anything about me and how i fit into the world...i guess i'm just lost. have you experienced this?
any suggests, ideas of what works or not?...i'm due to go back to therapist in few weeks for treatment, but i'm not optimistic because it's just "talk" therapy and nothing that will correct or reverse all the stuff i missed out on.
thanks.
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I think it’s important firstly to be true to yourself and not deny what you are feeling inside…and don’t let anyone “minimize” you or your situation. Then realize that everyone to a certain degree (it may be minor or major) feels some kind of overwhelming or negative emotion during their lifetime … everyone has emotions and is self-critical…we are all human…some of us just deal with it better or even hide it better. I think it’s great that you are seeking the help of a therapist. Yes, it is just talk, but give it a chance. If nothing else it will get you thinking and will help you to discover yourself. A lot of it is what you bring to the sessions and not just what you hear from your therapist.
The toughest thing for you is knowing that you missed out on past experiences/opportunities – welcome to the club. There are a lot of us who feel the same way. Unfortunately, there is not very much you or any of us can do to change the past, so the question is “What are you going to do about the future?” At the age of 29, you have a future and should not feel like there is no hope.
Here’s my advice:
Stop saying “would have, could have, should have” and go forward by saying “I CAN AND I WILL SUCCEED”… “NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME, NOT EVEN MYSELF”. You may want to use this “mantra” or come up with a similar motivational saying of your own. Write it down, or even look at yourself in the mirror and say it as many times a day as necessary to help you stay on track and achieve your goals.
Take things step by step and a day at a time. Don’t expect dramatic changes overnight. Start with simple goals (make a little list) and work up the courage to challenge yourself to taker bigger “risks” as time goes on. Your first step may be as simple as smiling or saying “How are you?” to a new person you meet…then later you may want to think about what hobbies you may want to start and join a club…it’s a great way to meet people. Bottom line don’t be afraid to be yourself…(with your issues and all your baggage). You are who you are and you are on this earth and you belong here just as much as the rest of us. The world is for everybody…good / bad / ugly / pretty / socially successful & outgoing / timid & quiet / fat / skinny / all races and sexual orientations etc. etc. You may want to keep a simple diary and keep a note of what you have achieved and how (plus what seems to be your strong points and what you need to improve on).
You asked me how I stay positive. Here’s what helps me.
1) I base my life on a simple positive saying that I recite every day: “I CAN AND I WILL SUCCEED”… “NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME, NOT EVEN MYSELF”. This helps to develop courage and confidence.
2) I recognize that HAPPINESS OR MISERY IS OFTEN A RESULT OF OUR “DESIRES AND BEHAVIOR”.
- So you need to identify your desires and think about your current behavior. Try to find a path that will get your desires and behavior on track to achieving happiness.
- Here’s an example: your DESIRES may be a need to have friends and get married / have children, but your current BEHAVIOR may be such that you do not leave your house, well Mr. or Miss. Right (HAPPINESS) will not come miraculously knocking at your door. In this case, you obviously would need to change your behavior and leave your house and have the courage/confidence to meet people. Your behavior needs to find a way to match your desires or else you will not be happy, but rather you will remain miserable.
3) That said, I AM WILLING TO CHANGE TO BE HAPPY. For example, I was too timid before to even say “Hello, how are you?”…but now I do and it makes me and other people happy. Slowly changing your behavior will also helps to develop courage and confidence.
4) I remember that I’M NOT PERFECT AND NOBODY ELSE IS. If we were perfect there would be no reason to grow / learn. Everyone has a reason to be humble.
5) I DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALY. It has taken me 38 years to understand that it is not all about me. If I were not around people would be doing the same thing to someone else. Just think about the tabloid newspapers… They trash Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson etc. Well if they weren’t around it would be someone else. Now, just think about who reads those tabloids … every little guy in the street feeds off that stuff and they think they can trash their neighbors / classmates / co-workers / family members in the same way. So my point is I now realize that people pick on whoever is closest to them and those who are the most vulnerable. Why do they pick on others and why on vulnerable people? In the first place they are not completely happy themselves (and well misery loves company), plus we are an easy target. SO IT’S IMPORTANT TO NOT LET YOURSELF BE A VICTIM. BE A WINNER.
DO NOT BE AN EASY TARGET OR APPEAR VULNERABLE. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO MASK YOUR VULNERABILITIES. I have days when I still struggle, but I just refuse to show it like I did in the past. And I realize how important that is.
I truly hope this helps and I wish you the best.
i wonder how do u stay so positive?
have you had it affect you in very minimal kind of way? i mean, i'm 29 and i feel like my life is over, it's ruined and destroyed and i only was just diagnosed. for me, the toughest is knowing that i missed out on all the past experiences, oppostunities and, well, everything...my mind just never caugh up with my age. i have no motivation, ambition or any way of understanding much of anything about me and how i fit into the world...i guess i'm just lost. have you experienced this?
any suggests, ideas of what works or not?...i'm due to go back to therapist in few weeks for treatment, but i'm not optimistic because it's just "talk" therapy and nothing that will correct or reverse all the stuff i missed out on.
thanks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think it’s important firstly to be true to yourself and not deny what you are feeling inside…and don’t let anyone “minimize” you or your situation. Then realize that everyone to a certain degree (it may be minor or major) feels some kind of overwhelming or negative emotion during their lifetime … everyone has emotions and is self-critical…we are all human…some of us just deal with it better or even hide it better. I think it’s great that you are seeking the help of a therapist. Yes, it is just talk, but give it a chance. If nothing else it will get you thinking and will help you to discover yourself. A lot of it is what you bring to the sessions and not just what you hear from your therapist.
The toughest thing for you is knowing that you missed out on past experiences/opportunities – welcome to the club. There are a lot of us who feel the same way. Unfortunately, there is not very much you or any of us can do to change the past, so the question is “What are you going to do about the future?” At the age of 29, you have a future and should not feel like there is no hope.
Here’s my advice:
Stop saying “would have, could have, should have” and go forward by saying “I CAN AND I WILL SUCCEED”… “NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME, NOT EVEN MYSELF”. You may want to use this “mantra” or come up with a similar motivational saying of your own. Write it down, or even look at yourself in the mirror and say it as many times a day as necessary to help you stay on track and achieve your goals.
Take things step by step and a day at a time. Don’t expect dramatic changes overnight. Start with simple goals (make a little list) and work up the courage to challenge yourself to taker bigger “risks” as time goes on. Your first step may be as simple as smiling or saying “How are you?” to a new person you meet…then later you may want to think about what hobbies you may want to start and join a club…it’s a great way to meet people. Bottom line don’t be afraid to be yourself…(with your issues and all your baggage). You are who you are and you are on this earth and you belong here just as much as the rest of us. The world is for everybody…good / bad / ugly / pretty / socially successful & outgoing / timid & quiet / fat / skinny / all races and sexual orientations etc. etc. You may want to keep a simple diary and keep a note of what you have achieved and how (plus what seems to be your strong points and what you need to improve on).
You asked me how I stay positive. Here’s what helps me.
1) I base my life on a simple positive saying that I recite every day: “I CAN AND I WILL SUCCEED”… “NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME, NOT EVEN MYSELF”. This helps to develop courage and confidence.
2) I recognize that HAPPINESS OR MISERY IS OFTEN A RESULT OF OUR “DESIRES AND BEHAVIOR”.
- So you need to identify your desires and think about your current behavior. Try to find a path that will get your desires and behavior on track to achieving happiness.
- Here’s an example: your DESIRES may be a need to have friends and get married / have children, but your current BEHAVIOR may be such that you do not leave your house, well Mr. or Miss. Right (HAPPINESS) will not come miraculously knocking at your door. In this case, you obviously would need to change your behavior and leave your house and have the courage/confidence to meet people. Your behavior needs to find a way to match your desires or else you will not be happy, but rather you will remain miserable.
3) That said, I AM WILLING TO CHANGE TO BE HAPPY. For example, I was too timid before to even say “Hello, how are you?”…but now I do and it makes me and other people happy. Slowly changing your behavior will also helps to develop courage and confidence.
4) I remember that I’M NOT PERFECT AND NOBODY ELSE IS. If we were perfect there would be no reason to grow / learn. Everyone has a reason to be humble.
5) I DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALY. It has taken me 38 years to understand that it is not all about me. If I were not around people would be doing the same thing to someone else. Just think about the tabloid newspapers… They trash Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson etc. Well if they weren’t around it would be someone else. Now, just think about who reads those tabloids … every little guy in the street feeds off that stuff and they think they can trash their neighbors / classmates / co-workers / family members in the same way. So my point is I now realize that people pick on whoever is closest to them and those who are the most vulnerable. Why do they pick on others and why on vulnerable people? In the first place they are not completely happy themselves (and well misery loves company), plus we are an easy target. SO IT’S IMPORTANT TO NOT LET YOURSELF BE A VICTIM. BE A WINNER.
DO NOT BE AN EASY TARGET OR APPEAR VULNERABLE. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO MASK YOUR VULNERABILITIES. I have days when I still struggle, but I just refuse to show it like I did in the past. And I realize how important that is.
I truly hope this helps and I wish you the best.