I got PTSD from Bullying

[Honda]

I managed to change myself for the past two years by taking care of my physical and mental health and learning more about myself, life and condition.

I don't have a problem with my past and my long list of problems that I have experienced most of my life.. My real problem is the fact I feel insecure in the presence of people and I have the tendency to freak out when feeling threatened even from minor confrontations..

I realize that paralyzing fear gets into me when I am exposed to certain situations, people or interactions; which might slightly seem threatening or confrontational in nature, even if they aren't from the first place.

If somebody crosses the line with me, criticizes me, insults me, questions the validity of my work or etc; I get a terrible feeling or fear and panic that makes me lose focus on handling the situation.

I feel angry and upset after that, I feel like a moron for reacting with panic and I know I should take it easy but for how long will I have to live with the idea that I will always be afraid or terrified of people or incidents?

Progress has been significant, I got over most of my anger issues and got a nearly complete understanding of my mental condition but I still panic and this makes me feel bad, insecure and depressed about it.. Coupled with my financial, family and unemployment problems.

I dont know what to do and I dont know what I it takes to get a secure attitude of this world. I always manage to overcome my problems and work on building myself and enjoying life, then something happens that makes me feel the panic and I get miserable all over again. It takes me hours and sometimes weeks to overcome the idea of replaying and over-thinking an incident.

I plan to go to a therapist as soon as I earn some money, I would like to try a group therapy session.. If I can meet people with the same issues that is..

The last couple of therapists I went to were terrible, I figured out and diagnosed most of my psychological problems learning all by myself. They made me feel worse... The first one put me on meds and drove me to suicide and the other one told me I might have a slight case of 'asperger syndrome', WTF? Please, be careful who you chose as your therapist, btw.

 

[jaim38]

I got PTSD from bullying too. I'm in the process of recovery, but I still find myself getting nervous in a classroom. I became sensitive to every little negative thing that people say about me, but I try to tell myself I can't please everybody and that people will eventually forget.

 

[R3K]

always fight it. head-on if possible. in every situation where ur panicking (for whatever reason), identify the cause of your panic and fight it. otherwise all the bullies in the past, bullies in general, that gave you this curse, will win.

they get joy from seeing you squirm. don't give them what they want.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

I'm in the same boat

 

[Honda]

I have been suffering from this for a very long time and I have been working on finding ways to grow out of it and over-come it for more than two years now.. I saw progress and I find myself much better than what I was in the past.

Still it gets into me at times and I dont think I know how to overcome it or live with it.. I know I am a good person, smart and very capable yet this anxiety and fear held me back for years and affected my career and relationships.. Time is passing and I cannot live like this for the rest of my life or else I will not really get anywhere in this world..

I dont know how to over-come it or defeat it.. I find that I am not taking the right steps to overcome it.. I take it easy on myself but I still cannot shake the irrational and illogical fear and anxiety in certain situations or in certain thoughts..

I wrote this in another thread:

Isnt there anybody over here that actually managed to over come and live with their mental scars??? All I see is people running in circles..

I dont care what happened to me in the past, the fact my life, career and relationships are ruined is not the part that bothers me or upsets..

What bugs me is that many People went through shit in their lives and why on earth is is easy for them to live with it just fine; while I have to keep running in this same vicious cycle of fear, anxiety, insecurity and confusion?
Maybe I got too used to the comforts of being a lazy coward and I find comfort in misery and running away from my problems? Perhaps I subconsciously don't want to let go of my past? Maybe that's what keeps holding me back from reaching my full potential. Am I really doing what it takes to grow out of it?

I promised myself that I will do what it takes to overcome it and grow out of it because this is not a way to live..

 

[moondog]

I feel sad reading this stuff and see good people being screwed.
It is a game , that's all, play to win !
You have nothing to loose, remember that.
I can't believe what some people have written here, sad.

I worked for myself for years and always treated those who worked for me with respect and great fairness, some even thought it was weak to be a good boss but in the end it worked for me.
Moving to the country i had to take this job i had now , not much work here.
For the the year in was dreadful, the worst job i have ever had , bar none but with three children you do what you have to .
The first job i had here at the hospital made me very miserable, daily, set up to fail but the feckers stood by in management and did nothing , although it was in breach of many things.
I found a niche of sorts and was bullied on and off , even when the hospital was running anti bully workshops.
A few times i retaliated with reasoned thoughts and dropped those people in the shit properly, this pulled them up big time.
For me it is just a game and they leave me alone because they never know what to expect or how it will effect them.
This works a treat when they realise you can pull them down with a few words and make them very cautious they think carefully.
You keep your complaints as non-personal as possible argue only along the lines of the work practices in place , then you get results!
Some complaints the boss must act on , so you hurry things along to get action but are never seen to do so.

After five years in the Health system of bosses that stood by and did nothing even when i lodged formal complaints, idiot OHS staff that did nothing either, just talk.
I do it for myself now as no one really cares enough to do something except me .
The element of surprise is always good , trust your work-mates VERY carefully as they will undermine you if they get a chance.

As i said it is just a game , you play to win!
They need to know you will play harder than they will.
At this point they become very cautious.
out of all this you come to realise just how pathetic people are and that there are only a few real human beings.

 

[jaim38]

I'm glad I didn't graduate in the last 2 schools I went to, because if I did, I'd have to go to alumni parties and college reunions for those schools. I'm sure the bullies would bully me all over again. Blah!

 

[moondog]

Read,
"The Art of War"

it is just a game, play to win .