Im not even sure what to call this

[TucanSam]

My name is caleb, im 19 years old and from the age of about 12 up to 16 I had no friends. im not exaggerating. I was homeschooled, almost never left the house and my only social interaction outside my family was on the internet. At age 16 I got a job, and began talking to people, but also acquired a girlfriend I dated for three years.

This is the part i'm confused about. As soon as I began to be around people, I found out i don't exactly... enjoy always being around them. I no longer knew how to make friends, and although people invited me out every once in a while conversations were akward and forced, and they never seemed to enjoy my company. They have since stopped inviting me out, and i have found that i have little to no interest in people anymore, for a few reasons.

Is it odd/not good to have 0 close friends? i have lived most of my adult life alone, and while I joke with people/talk to them at work, I don't have any interest in most of them as friend, and the few I do simply don't put out any effort. I just don't know what else to do. I've seen a therapist, who hasn't given me much help. Does anybody else have this problem?

 

[da_illest101]

sound like me when I was around your age, I'm 24 and I would say it's just about a year ago that restarted making friends and be a bit more sociable ( not much) You just find people uninspiring and not worth your time and you would rather stay quiet then talk. You just are becoming a full introverted person ( introvert) Search introvert on google you'll see that it is quite normal to be like that

 

[TucanSam]

The problem is, I enjoy talking to people and joking with them, but I just see so many flaws in people that they don't seem to be worth my time.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Are you happy enough being on your own?
Some people prefer the company of themselves more than others- and they can be perfectly happy that way.
There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Lonelykitsune]

Seems like you just prefer your own company.As long as your happy, and can speak to people when you need/want to, that seems perfectly fine.

 

[Blabla..]

That's how i am , i really enjoy having fun with other people , but i prefer being on my own , it's so simple . I had alot of friends , ditched them one by one , now i'm alone , the problem is with no social interactions my anxiety worsen day by day. I really enjoy online interaction tho , it's easy and i can quit whenever i want.

 

[TucanSam]

Thats sort of what it is like for me. I do enjoy being alone, and adore online anything, but I get antsy and start feeling lonely after a while. I dont have any close friends, just because I feel like everybody acts too fake in person. They try to hide themselves behind masks, and it just doesnt appeal to me to have to peel layers and layers back.

I enjoy being alone, but I cant stop feeling lonely.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

If you prefer to be alone and don't enjoy relying on others then who needs friends? It all depends though. In my case, most "friends" I've ever had only caused me pain and dumped more drama on me than necessary so I prefer to be on my own now. Yeah it feels good to at least have a few people to rely on but what's the point of relying on people if they're only going to hurt you in the end?

 

[Waybuloo]

The problem is, I enjoy talking to people and joking with them, but I just see so many flaws in people that they don't seem to be worth my time.

Maybe because of your home schooling and early background, you haven't been 'socialised', or conditioned to interact and form relationships with people, and be used to needing relationships. I had an isolated existence when young, and it has affected me similarly. Once in a blue moon I am very interested in someone as a friend but that's strained by anxiety. Most of the time I am not interested in people as I see their negative traits and I wonder why bother and why do other people need them either?

Just keep doing what you do. Enjoy your own interests and hobbies and develop them further. It's better to be interested in your own life and maybe drawing other people to you, than to be desperate to be with people for the sake of it. Also socialise with people in a hobby group or with similar interests or those with a kindred sense of humour (to relieve the loneliness). Having things in common helps you to relate to them.

 

[FriendlessGirl]

There's no rule that you have to have friends.As long as you can function with people it's perfectly okay.If you're more comfortable being just by yourself than why not!Sometimes you do need friends though so I'll suggest that you be friendly with atleast some of them if not friends.

 

[tjames]

You don't have to like everyone you casually socialize with. I know I don't. But I do because every once in a while you meet a gem of a person. Admittedly, it's rare. But they're out there.

One lesson I learned personally that you can't really accomplish anything in life alone, so it's better to sometimes force myself to socialize even when the people aren't perfect. (If they're outright annoying, ok then I leave.)

Unless you want to live in the Alaskan woods like the guy on that PBS special... not for me.

As for being an introvert, I agree there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're okay with it.

 

[ChrystaR]

Hi, Caleb.

You sound like me. I was fairly normal until the age of 12 when I started junior high. My anxiety came on very strong and between that and a couple of other circumstances, I only did about half a years worth of schooling (between going to school, independent study, and distance learning). I dropped out and took my GED when I was 16.

When my anxiety came my two childhood friends left me and I was left with no friends. At the age of 14, I found a very nice girl online and have made a good friendship with her. She has come to visit me twice and is going to move here in about a year when she finishes college.

But other than that, I haven't had really any relationships besides with my family (mom, dad, sister) and some casual company from my sister's friends. I've tried to rekindle my childhood friendships but they always proved to be not worth it. So, basically from the age of 12 until now (20) I haven't had friends.

I usually prefer the company of myself (or family) and my animals. Most of the time, when I venture out and try to hang out with people, I end up wasting my time and wishing I hadn't bothered.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to not have friends. If you can learn to be okay with being with yourself (or mostly okay) than nothing else matters.

I too, will go through small bouts of loneliness and wish that I could find someone actually worth being with. Someone who I can relate to, who is smart and isn't just going through the actions of life just because. But, I get over it pretty quick because I can see the frustration and heartache that giving yourself to other people can cause. Sometimes I can have fun with people and I do enjoy myself while being social, but it doesn't happen very often.

I am torn between a small part of me wanting to be normal and have relationships, and the other part of me that knows how hard finding the right people is.