I'm so paranoid.... Does anyone else suffer from this

[Lord Baltimore]

Everytime i have a conversation with a friend (usually female) i have to scan every word i said to make sure i didn't embarrass myself by saying something stupid. And i mean scan over and over and over. And if they seem like they're in a bad mood that day i assume it's because they think i'm an idiot and they want me to leave them alone forever. Also if i'm very close to someone and they go a day or two without texting me i assume they don't like me anymore. I'm a 20 year old man so this is so pathetic, and superficial but it causes me so much stress and unneeded grief. Does anyone else go through anything similar to this??

 

[yellowjello]

yes! ^^ i tell myself over and over how dumb i am to be acting like this but i cant seem to help it. i rather hang out with guys (im a gril, so its similar to your situation) since i feel like i can relax more around guys then around girls. so everytime i do talk to girls im extremly carefully and paranoid about what i say. and i also take it personal if someone seems to be in a bad mood or doesnt talk to me for some days. i kinda prepare myself to never hear from them again and always asume the worst.
so i can relat in every damn way lol
im sorry i cant really give you any advice on it

 

[Hastings & Main]

Yes, I pretty much "review" every conversation I have with people other than my friends, but not so much as I used to. Don't worry - after another 20 years it'll start to fade .
Seriously, learn to tell yourself after a conversation is over that you are not going to review it, go over it, obsess over the dialogue. If the person doesn't punch you out or say "You disgust me!", then the scene probably went well.
When you find yourself thinking about the talk (what did they think of me, did I say the wrong thing(s), jeez, I should've said this instead of that, etc), just stop. If it helps, mentally bring up a large stop sign to flash your imagination and then move on to thinking about something else.

It can also depend on what you're initially worried about. That you sound uneducated? Expand your vocabulary and use it appropriately with who you're dealing with.
Make eye-contact, truly listen to what they're saying (instead of just waiting for your turn to talk), and relax. One of the mental tools I learn to relax with in others' company is thinking, "Okay, a kitten somewhere isn't going to die if I say something wrong. Chill out.". Along those lines.

 

[Lord Baltimore]

Yes, I pretty much "review" every conversation I have with people other than my friends, but not so much as I used to. Don't worry - after another 20 years it'll start to fade .
Seriously, learn to tell yourself after a conversation is over that you are not going to review it, go over it, obsess over the dialogue. If the person doesn't punch you out or say "You disgust me!", then the scene probably went well.
When you find yourself thinking about the talk (what did they think of me, did I say the wrong thing(s), jeez, I should've said this instead of that, etc), just stop. If it helps, mentally bring up a large stop sign to flash your imagination and then move on to thinking about something else.

It can also depend on what you're initially worried about. That you sound uneducated? Expand your vocabulary and use it appropriately with who you're dealing with.
Make eye-contact, truly listen to what they're saying (instead of just waiting for your turn to talk), and relax. One of the mental tools I learn to relax with in others' company is thinking, "Okay, a kitten somewhere isn't going to die if I say something wrong. Chill out.". Along those lines.

haha thank you for the help. I realize it's totally irrational and i have no reason to think i said something dumb. I just can't help it and it's starting to be very time consuming

 

[Lord Baltimore]

yes! ^^ i tell myself over and over how dumb i am to be acting like this but i cant seem to help it. i rather hang out with guys (im a gril, so its similar to your situation) since i feel like i can relax more around guys then around girls. so everytime i do talk to girls im extremly carefully and paranoid about what i say. and i also take it personal if someone seems to be in a bad mood or doesnt talk to me for some days. i kinda prepare myself to never hear from them again and always asume the worst.
so i can relat in every damn way lol
im sorry i cant really give you any advice on it

every little bit helps. Even tho i don't wish this on anybody it's nice knowing i'm not the only person dealing with this

 

[deleted user 1]

I do this a lot too. Though it's at a point where I am totally paralysed verbally when meeting new people. I seem to interpret everything as negative, or if something went well, still feel like it was a failure. It's a tough cycle to escape.

 

[Lord Baltimore]

I do this a lot too. Though it's at a point where I am totally paralysed verbally when meeting new people. I seem to interpret everything as negative, or if something went well, still feel like it was a failure. It's a tough cycle to escape.

Isn't it awful?? Makes me want to just shut myself in a room. I can't seem to shake this feeling that when i text somebody, i'm bothering them or when i talk to them they can't wait for me to shut the hell up. It's a very tough cycle to get out of

 

[breerenee90]

For sure. Heres an example of mine

I'm in beauty college so its nothing but females. I feel like a scared little girl around all these mature, beautiful women even though they are pretty much my age. Anyways, i'll look at a girl for like a second or so and then thoughts start racing through my mind like "oh god, they probably think i'm some creepy lesbian now" or "was I staring? how long was I looking at them for?" And then I step outside of myself for a second and realize wow how crazy was all that? But....that realization doesn't stay around for long

 

[Lord Baltimore]

For sure. Heres an example of mine

I'm in beauty college so its nothing but females. I feel like a scared little girl around all these mature, beautiful women even though they are pretty much my age. Anyways, i'll look at a girl for like a second or so and then thoughts start racing through my mind like "oh god, they probably think i'm some creepy lesbian now" or "was I staring? how long was I looking at them for?" And then I step outside of myself for a second and realize wow how crazy was all that? But....that realization doesn't stay around for long

It's true. You can step out of yourself for a minute or two but you can't keep that rational thinking going right?? God, it's so frustrating

 

[Snowdrop]

Yes I completely understand what you mean, I am so paranoid, I will second guess myself, try to say things in the best possible way so I don't 'offend' people or make myself sound 'stupid' whatever stupid means. And if I feel like I said something stupid, usually this is indicated by the other person's expression while I'm talking, I'll bang my head about afterwards and it'll go round and round in my head. I hate being this way. It's been like that for about 5 years now and has just gotten worse. But I'm constantly fighting, and I won't give up. I hope you'll always find the strength inside you too.

 

[forksandspoons]

Yeah Ive been there for sure. I feel like people are analyzing every word I say and how I say it.

I used to be a witty funny person. Humor always came natural to me. But now whenever a joke pops in my head during a conversation, I will sit there and think whether it will get a laugh or not. By then the moment has passed and I don't say anything.

It really takes my identity away, Im just not me when Im not clownin around all the time.