Im trying so hard, Please help !

[BrandyLynn31584]

My boyfriend and I have been dateing for 2 years now and I knew he had OCD when I met him but I didn't know about it before I met him. I love him to death and would do anything for him but there is so much a person can take. I know I could never understand what he goes through and I know it can be frustrating. I need to talk to someone that is in my shoes. He was diagnosed when he was 7. At school he threw up and that is his bigest fear is throwing up that is how OCD effects him. I can't cook for him without a million questions and him telling me how to do things and calling his mom to make sure its cooked right. I want to be able to cook a good meal for my man and know that he is ok with it without any questions I mean isnt that what a good girlfriend/wife is supous to do, cook a good meal for him after he gets home from work ? Little things like those, are what a person on the other side thinks of. Im trying my best to understand and sympothis with him it just gets really hard sometimes. There are many things that contribute to his OCD such as nose bleeds and getting sick. I have to repeat myself alot and he likes to trick me into saying it over like im stupid I wish he would just tell me to say it again cause if I dont say it right then I have to say what I just said again too. Its confusing. We have been fighting quit a bit the last few months and I love him to death and don't want to leave him. He means alot to me but OCD is a big factor in all of our fights. He use to have to call me back right after I got off the phone with him so he could stop being anxious but I got mad about it cause I work in a hospital and I can't spend all my time on the phone so we got in a huge fight about that and he hasnt done it sence it makes me wonder if he can stop that then why cant he stop alot of the things that he knows make me very angry and frustrated. Like I said I have no idea what its like to have OCD so I can't fully understand and I know it doesnt just get better but what about the people that are in the relationships with a person with OCD what are we supous to do ? We have a meeting with a counsler monday night cause we got into a huge fight saterday and he wouldnt let me leave the house cause he thought that I would leave him and he would cry so much to the point to getting sick so then his OCD got really bad and I ended up sneeking out of the house when he wasnt looking and called the cops, just so I could leave my house ! The way I solve problems is talk about them for a little while and if nothing is being solved then we should go our own way ( be left alone ) for a couple hours to think of what was said and then try to compromise and work things out. He cant do that he has to be there going on an on and just makeing it 10x worse. I dont know what to do anymore. I need help just as much as he does if you have any advice or are on my situation please email me I really need some encouragment and someone to talk to about this Thanks so much for takeing your time into reading my crap lol My email adress is [email protected] Thanks Again.

 

[Ambo]

I know it must be hard to be with him, but think about what it is like BEING him. I doubt he likes the fact that he has to call you back after you get off the phone or make you repeat things. I am not criticizing you at all, but I know it's hard for him. And it is obviously hard for you. Has he thought about getting treatment? To answer your question about why he stopped doing certain things but doesn't stop others... my only guess for that is that he is trying really hard to overcome it because he knows it bothers you.

 

[Len]

Why don't you give him an ultimatum. Either he gets help or you leave. And I am not just talking about a counselor - I am talking about psychologist/meds/meditation anything that can help. It almost sounds like he is mentally abusing you.

 

[dottie]

sounds like he uses ocd as an excuse to control you. doesn't sound worth it.

 

[akele]

i dont think it sounds very promising for the future, because his ocd sounds very severe and extreme, and it doesnt sound like hes getting any help for it. its bad enough him having to suffer it himself, but for you to be drawn in to that extent really sounds unhealthy.

if hes willing to get help, maybe it'd work for you two, but it wouldnt be a fast improvement. you have a battle on your hands. you would be instructed not to aid and abet him with his compulsions, because that only reinforces them for him. you would have to hold out on not giving him the reassurance he wants, which would be quite difficult and a lot of pressure for you.

i've read of a girl with OCD forcing her parents to go along with her obsessive compulsions, and absolutely driving them to distraction, literally. also i've read of children 'forcing' their parents to give into their obsessive needs, not their fault of course. one little boy wouldnt eat anything unless his father cooked it, from prepackaged containers, with him watching every minute of the process to make sure all the rituals were complied with. and that was on top of the father doing his everyday job. nobody else would be allowed in the kitchen while the boy's food was prepared. they had to go along with it or he simply woudnt eat.

i dont know how much you're prepared to put up with, or even SHOULD put up with, but it sounds like you know that too. keep in touch and let us know how you two go with the counselor. all the best

pippa

 

[BrandyLynn31584]

We Went to the counsler .......

Well we went and seen a doctor. He was really nice the only thing I didnt like about him was he used alot of metaphores for some reason. He made me see that the things that my boyfriend does is not ocd it is axiety so anyway I know now that OCD isnt what frustrates me Even though he has that too, its Anxiety and that is what we are gunna be more focused on in the next session.His OCD revolves around the thought of getting sick his anxiety is about me leaving him. It makes sense to me and like I said above I know it can be frustrating for him because he cant help it and I understand I wont ever know how he feels but Im at least trying, says more than alot of other people. Trust me he gets enough sympothy. I just feel I need to talk to someone that is in my shoes so I have someone to ask questions with and just be able to talk to someonthat knows what im going through.

 

[Ambo]

Im glad he is getting help and that you are so supportive. Thats great.