Job finding delimma

[Anonymous]

Hello all. I'm a 25 year-old social phobic, still living at home with my parents. I've graduated college 4 years ago, and I've yet to have my first work experience. I would love to have a job which I could enjoy & a career to look forward to. In the very least, it would be something to get me out of the house & in touch with people almost everday, as the more I stay inside, the worse my SP gets. But the problem is that I fear having job interviews, and I tend to get really nervous before & during them, and a bit depressed after due to my nervousness throughout. It's frustrating when I don't want to be nervous (I hate it when the interviewer asks me "Why are you nervous?"), and so that I would be able to think clearly and answer any question without hesitation. It is hard for me to prove to the interviewer that I can efficiently do the job, at times I'm overqualified for. Figures!

I know if I had a job, my life would be much better & my SP wouldn't be that bad, but having this fear sort of prevents me from getting one. A catch-22. Aren't there any jobs that don't require you to be interviewed?

So you advise me, what should I do? Should I keep going to any job offers/interviews no matter how much I get stressed over them til I get lucky one day, or should I seek help first? Or should I spend the rest of my life at home? Or just die? :\

I would be grateful for any kind of advice, and if you could also tell me about your experiences in job finding & maintaining a job, that would be great.

 

[symbiosis]

Hi there currently unemployed guest...

I can so relate to everything you said...I hated and still somewhat hate interviews - but there again I suppose most people do!

One thing I used to do when feeling nervous was at the start of the interview (if you feel it's appropriate) is say to the interviewer, something like "Please excuse me if I'm a bit nervous, as I'm really interested in this job and want to do well" that way your nervousness may hopefully be interpreted in a more positive light.

I've also been on the interviewing end once, and all the applicants were nervous, and we didn't think anything of it. Perhaps us SPs judge ourselves more harshly on our nervousness?? Instead of thinking "Job interviews are hard - I was nervous, but so what??" we think "Geez I was SOOOOOO nervous - what the f@*K is wrong with me, I'm such a loser!!). Doesn't exactly set you up in a very good mindset for the NEXT interview!!

Another tactic I've seen recommended for all job seekers, is to apply for jobs that you aren't particularly interested in - that way you get to practice your interview skills in a less pressured way. Like all skills they do get better with practice..... Then hopefully you will then be a bit more confident for the job interview you really do want to do well in.

Sorry, that was a bit long...but hopefully makes sense!!

 

[toeknee]

Hi there!

I have had countless interviews and I have been nervous in a lot of them but over the years my nervousness has lessoned. At times in my life I would feel like my head was shaking but through therapy and self help books this has decreased and I feel much more at ease.
Its perfectly normal to feel nervous about being in an interview and you can lesson your anxiety. Its like a lot of things, the more practice you get the better you will be. I recall when I was temping at one job and the people there were interviewing this one guy who was probably really nervous and afterward they commented on his interview technique. They said he had a weak handshake, and the fact he waffled about something totally unrelated to the job he would be undertaking. This was not critique of him as a person but he did not fit in with what was required of the job.
Its always a good idea if you can get some background information about the company you are applying to and have some questions to ask, but don't ask about salary!
Durting the interview, try to make eye contact, but don't stare the interviewers out, and take a few deep breaths before you go! I recommend you get a relaxation tape and listen to that or you can get tapes on self hypnosis.This should help you with your nervousness. But what you could do is try this relaxation exercise:
Start telling your whole body to relax from your toes to your head, breathing in deeply and holding the breath for say 3 seconds and releasing. You can close your eyes when you do this too as that usually helps. Try to imagine a peaceful scene, like a lake with some woods, or a mountain with a stream.
Then after you are fully relaxed you can try some visualisation, imagine you are walking down some steps down a beach, imaginethe cool summer breeze, the water splashing. You are walking to a cinema and you go there, but it is opened specifically for you and nobody else. You have a remote and with this you are playing a film. So the film has someone you admire, such as a favourite film star going to an interview and behaving the way they would if they were going to an interview. For example I am a big James Bond fan so I would imagine it were James Bond acting cool.
Keep watching the film in your mind, and then stop and play again but this time, see yourself in that role, acting cool, confident and building rapport with the other people. And you can use this technique for other things that you find difficult too. Try it and you'll see some changes I'm sure.
Or you can get books on NLP to help you, and plus thats probably cheaper then seeing a therapist.

 

[Anonymous]

I can so relate to you right now! I'm a 20 year old student living away from home and have 55p in my account! I have bills to pay for, rent to pay for! So I need a job straight away! But having sa sure makes things alot more difficult. I have been invited to two interviews, but i couldn't force myself to go to them, i was too scared! But this just makes me more depressed and less likley to want to go outside the house. It sucks big time.

 

[funnyman]

Volunteer work might be a good starting point, it gets you out there with people in a low pressure enviroment. Also if you dont like it you dont have to keep going. Simply look for a better place. I currently do volunteer work and I started out doing one mourning a week, now 2 mournings a week. In the near future I might take on volunteer work at a second place, who knows. All I know is Im not finding it to be as pressured as paid work.

 

[Flax]

deleted.

 

[Anonymous]

No offence Flax, but geeeezzz you are fussy arent you!!! Jobs I dont think are meant to be fun, there to pay your bills... And to quit one just because it wasnt enough to move out of your parents home??? At least it was better than sitting around twiddling your thumbs all day...Many jobs are boring but we must still do them...........but I quess if you always have your parents to fall back on it keeps you where you are.......some of us ave to do boeing jobs and have no one else to fall back on.

 

[-Jp]

nvm... wrong thread :?