Just met someone, and need help!!!!

[Confused]

I have had SP for several years now and today I built up enough courage to talk to a girl. I offered to take her out sometime and we both exchaned phone numbers. If I call her what should I say, like how do I start the conversation, and do you think this could be the start of a new relationship? Also, because I have SP for several years I have not been in too many relatoinships and the ones I were in were not that good. So where should I take her? I really don't want to screw up like I always do because I get so nervous. Thanks!

 

[Sue]

hay man

listen let me just say that i think it is really good that you talked to this girl. thats the hard part man and you did it. give yourself credit.

conversation wise, i would talk about things that would clue me in to what she is like.
i love talking about films..actually im obsessed with films..but if you talked about what interests you then you will know if she is too.
ask her what she likes to do or what she hates...
just relax and enjoy it.
it could be worse man...

....she could have said no to your phone number.
remember the possitive side as much as you can

good luck :wink:

 

[Chilling__Echo]

awesome job! you've made it this far, you're good to go. plan a date! keep it short and sweet and wait to break the ice on the date, it's easier to do it in person b/c at least then you can comment on things like what she's wearing or on what you're doing. good luck and let us know how things go

 

[Confused]

Thanks for all of the advice, but my real concern is that I live in a small city and there is really nothing around. I mean I don't want to take her to McDonalds. I just can' stop worrying about these things. I keep worrying that she won't like me or that she is just feeling sorry for me. It is like I am very insecure. I realy like this girl because once I met her it was extremely easy to talk to her even though I have trouble talking to people in general. I just really want this to work and I keep getting all worked up.

 

[Danfalc]

Hey nice one for asking this girl if you could take her out some time!

Not dated for a while myself,but maybe if you take her bowling or to a movie? I just think taking her somewhere where you have somthing else to focus on apart for your worries might help a little.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[racheH]

Try what I did in my exams this year - talk down their importance
It works to reduce nerves. When you get anxious the messages going across your brain don't find their way round as easily, or something like that That's why keeping yourself calm is important for maximising performance.

Keep reminding yourself, if it doesn't work out, maybe it wasn't meant to be, you can learn from the experience, and something better might come along. As someone with social phobia, you'll be unlikely to do anything to make her hate you, so you'll at least probably keep her as a friend. This should make it easier to be natural.

On the phone, if you keep things in perspective, what needs to be said will come to you. If you keep wondering what would impress her most, she'll get a false picture of you in her mind so that whether a relationship forms or not, it'll never be the real you she liked/rejected. Imagine yourself in three months time. However you behave now, you'll probably feel a need to keep it up then. If you've only ever said and done what you felt like (ie, been yourself) then that's all you'll have to do in the future. To keep up an act with people in the long term is worse than to know you were yourself and it didn't work. At least then, you'll know you just weren't suited and so won't wonder what might have been.

Hope that helps

 

[Sue]

thats a very good point. its always super important to be yourself..no matter how nervous you are. giving false impression is always my very last option. it always ended badly. not at first but at the end of the day it always catches up on you.
plus it would be a waste of time for both of you if you were with someone and finding out that its not them at all. i really hate it when people do that to me. acting cool and turning out to be a total plonker. waste of time and i dont have too much of that.

be yourself...great advice racheh

 

[blubs]

I've recently heard of a 'cake' date...where you go to a cafe and try lots of different cakes
not as formal as a meal
more appetising than macdonalds
I'd love to go on a cake date

Pictures (movies if you're from US) are good because you don't have to talk too much at first, and the film gives you something to talk about later.

 

[why_do_I_try]

i have this problem too with "where to take her?", after the cinema and bowling i run out of ideas lol well done for building up the courage though

 

[MrsP]

Good Luck....just call her as I've been waiting for someone with SA to call me for ages now and really think he doesn't like me. I have a mild form of it too so I am finding it hard to do all the contacting. She will be so happy you just called her, believe me and if she's as easy to get on with has you've said, then it will be fine.
HA HA...I'd quite like to go to Mcdonalds, LOL.
Is there no where you could just go for a drink and a chat? But yes everyone is right, you have done the hard part askign her to go out for a date with You and she likes you or she would never have said YES right!

 

[inthesameboat]

Great job man that was the hardest part asking her out. So the hard part is done. Now lets get on with the date. Start by calling her and asking her when she would be free. You need to call the shots on this one, girls like it when a man takes control. A simple dinner and a movie should be simple and old fashion enough. when you call her ask her how she is doing, whats new in her life and what she has been up too. but when you make the plan for the date make sure you know what you are doing and just let her know what time you will pick her up. trust me it show maybe this guys done this before. So at dinner you just need to ask questions and listen let her do all the talkin. Sooner or later if the date is good it might turn to another. when you feel comfortable enough to really talk to her you let her know how you feel and how hard it was for you to finally ask her out she will realize when you explain yourself and your feelings. Who knows even if this girls is not the one she might be a good friend that can help ya out in the long run........good luck and you are the man!!!!!