Justified hate?

[Vincent]

Hate,

it builds up in me, boils without an outlet, my mind is a pressure cooker without a valve. It's set off by seeing people, especially happy faces. It's justified I feel, why not? I think social anxious people have alot to be angry about,..why is it that we are seeking out the solutions to our own problems? Why is there so little general awareness about something as common as this? Why have I missed out on my childhood and my adolense and my life now because of this? Does this sound like self pity to anyone? Or does anyone else feel the same anger and resentment towards society in general? I mean, of course I dont really hate society or anything, I just hate it that the pioneers for treating it are the sufferers themselves. With other disorders, there would be lobby groups and government petitions, but the catch is that involves social exposure and confrontation.

This is just a general rant, its been a very hard week...

thanks
:?

 

[ScaredGirl]

Hi Vincent,

Wow that was pretty honest and I think you posted it because you know such negative thoughts are difficult to deal with. Rage, anger, hate, self-pity suck our energy dry. AA literature has a lot of information about 'Self-righteous indignation' perhaps it is a good place for you to start? When I used to drink I would put on the 'hurting music' then sit and marinate in my own emotions. Social phobia is different then what you describe and you don't have to live that way anymore. Treat them separately and you will begin to heal.

Have a great day

SG

 

[black_mamba]

I just hate it that the pioneers for treating it are the sufferers themselves. With other disorders, there would be lobby groups and government petitions, but the catch is that involves social exposure and confrontation.

Consider this example; when a teenager dies of drug overdose the parent/s usually becomes so passionate about stopping this occuring to other familes that they start campaigning like mad. You hear about it all the time on the news. A recent one (can't remember the case details) involved a woman buying shares from a company she wanted to scorn and then attened an annual meeting for shareholders and gave a very powerful speech about her issues. She fought them from the inside, but only because she understood the cause and was therefore more qualified to talk about it.

I'm not sure about other disorders but isn't it most likely that the people trying to improve the public image of them are family or friends of sufferers themselves?

It's really a shame that because of the nature of social phobia few of us are likely to ever make a big noise about it. When I feel like I'm starting to improve I get this huge desire to share it and make sure all sufferers can see that there is some hope.

There is also an issue of negative reactions to increased awareness of social anxiety.

We do have a lot to be angry about; having to face our fears on a daily basis, being told that we are 'just shy' from people who have never felt fear at having to talk to another human, having the lazy label pinned on us/lack of recognition of mental illness in general as an illness.

Wow I've just filled this thread with more questions rather than answers. Hope you don't mind!

 

[Jack7]

I understand your anger, I feel the same way. What really gets to me is the fake whiners, the kids who have a million friends, and everyone likes them, and they have loads of cash because their parents are so rich, but still they think that they're tortured and the whole world hates them. I wish they were dead.

 

[Neebo]

Yeah,I totally agree with Jack7, you get some people who are very lucky and have very priveledged lives. They have lots of friends and lots of money and just generally have very happy lives,but they still piss and moan about how bad their lives are!,it makes me so mad! :x Then there's us who would cut our right arm off,well I would anyway,to be just like them. I often have a lot of hatred,jealousy,bitterness and anger towards people like that :x So I think your hatred towards people who don't have SA/SP or who live very happy lives,is perfectly justified,Vincent.

 

[Marin]

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[last2no]

I'm feeling hate right this moment. It can really eat you up inside.

 

[Scottish_Player]

Hate is something i try to never feel as it only brings on negative feelings, so instead of hating someone/something i try to understand them/it if you get what i mean.

 

[ColdFury]

I've got a lot of bottled up hate.

 

[process]

I could not blame society for my problems. How could I? Everything that has resulted in my life whether good or bad has hapened because of me. Every fault I have, every mistake I made is because of me.

Let us quit looking for others to blame or others to help us. Let us look within ourselves.

 

[wutnow]

Let us quit looking for others to blame or others to help us. Let us look within ourselves.

I hear that :!: :!: :!: ...and hate'll ruin your good looks 8).

 

[ignisfatuus]

I mean, of course I dont really hate society or anything, I just hate it that the pioneers for treating it are the sufferers themselves. With other disorders, there would be lobby groups and government petitions, but the catch is that involves social exposure and confrontation.

The lack of understanding is what amplifies the suffering. I've read remarks in newspapers/magazines that deride SA as the next fad disorder psychiatrists are diagnosing. Living a reduced life PLUS having the symptoms regarded as dubious is a one-two punch that can leave sufferers unable to get back up for more.

I'm not necessarily angry at seeing other people happy; for some reason it doesn't bother me, although I see a lot of posts by people saying it upsets them. The feeling I have is one of sorrow as I watch my youth bleed away, helpless to reclaim what has been lost. Anger figures in when I think of the neglect the disorder receives; some of the most fragile members of society are being trampled because of their inability to express themselves.

Let us quit looking for others to blame or others to help us. Let us look within ourselves.

In order to move forward, we cannot dwell on what has come before. However, to erase it entirely is impossible. It has left an imprint, shaped who we have become. We cannot bear the entire load of responsibility ourselves any more than a person afflicted with cancer should have to.

 

[ColdFury]

Let us quit looking for others to blame or others to help us. Let us look within ourselves.

Not all the hate is reserved for the outside world.

 

[scairdycat]

Justified hate? I don't know. I've always reserves hate for people I felt who were totally despicable. Honestly, what did these people do to deserve hatred? Put it another way: why do these people deserve hate for being ignorant, when if you think about it, is a natural state? All I know is that I wouldn't like to be hated for any lake of knowledge I have. (Maybe because I'd have a lot of hate thrown my way, eh?) Anger, now, is different. Justified anger? Yup, you bet. Who on this rock called Planet Earth has the right to tell you not to be angry? It's a natural emotion when dealing with a social phobia or anything that most people do not understand. It's frustrating. Most people cannot relate, even when they want to. I don't think government is the answer, though. Maybe it's because I have a hard time trusting people as it is, let alone an immensely large group of people I'd probably say little more than 'hi' to, to trust them with my issues. I think anger is normal under the circustances. I believe, though, that it doesn't do much good for you, except to acknowledge it, ride it out, and move on. What's it really directed toward, anyway? Everybody on this planet is subject to some degree of suffering due to circumstances they were born in. Some more than others (Who they are? I can't tell you.) What you are really mad at is fate. And what are you going to do about that? Spit in the wind? Yell at the ocean waves? I know there are thousands of people who had relatives die in that huge tsunami who get the urge to. But if it makes you feel better, why not? The waves, the wind, are inanimate objects. People may stare but that's what we are all trying to get over. Anyway, I've been there; I've got the ugly souveniers. I don't know if this helps, but I hope so.

 

[GettingThere]

When you talk of hate I believe that you are really referring to anger.

It is quite understandable feeling anger because of what you are going through, understandable but not productive. The fact that others have much easier lives is not their fault.

There are a number of wise sayings/beliefs which are important in considering this situation;
"What goes around comes around";
the principles of "Karma";
"you reap what you sow".
If we want to feel liked/loved/accepted than we need to approach our attitude to others in the same way that we want to be treated/approached.

If you "create" a world of anger/hate/resentment than you can't reasonably expect others to treat you in the manner in which you would no doubt like to be treated.

 

[annie]

I understand your anger, I feel the same way. What really gets to me is the fake whiners, the kids who have a million friends, and everyone likes them, and they have loads of cash because their parents are so rich, but still they think that they're tortured and the whole world hates them. I wish they were dead.

Sure there are fake whiners out there and they piss me off too, but to say "I wish they were dead"....man that is a terrible thing to say, shame on you

annie

 

[annie]

"We must become the change we want to see." - Gandhi

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out
hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Look into the face of one child, whether that little girl or boy is from Iraq, China, Kenya,
Korea, Ireland, Italy, Romania, Ethiopia, Brazil or America. In that face, we can see
reflections of our own children, grandchildren, nieces, or nephews. Perhaps, if we look
carefully into that child's face, we can see glimpses of the child we used to be. We are all
children of our own humanity (still learning, forever growing), even if some of us choose
to express ourselves through our discontent and despair. Yes --there is permission in this
world to choose discontent, intolerance, hate, violence, and war. But there is also
permission to choose love, expressions of caring, and communion with others.

http://www.dharmaweb.net/article.php?sid=96&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0

Well said worrydoll

annie

 

[Vincent]

Thanks for the feedback to my thread,....

I feel you guys have made some good points. I dont know about others, but its taken the longest time to get my Dad on track with understanding my prob, with friends, they tell me to stop feeling so sorry for myself...at least males ones, female ones just give me the same. I still feel guilty about talking about SA, infact, I damn right hate it. Its so boring to me. Anyway, its a obstacle that needs to be beat. However, it really pisses me off when people say "oh, think of all the people without food, as good a job, or whatever" thats bullshit. Im not discounting poverty affecting quality of life, but I am, cos Ive read that socially active poor ppl in Bangladesh are happier than rich loners in NY. Most of the joy in life is from ppl interaction: love, family, friends conversation etc. Money isnt correlated that strongly with happiness (in itself) except an absense of it, whereas people are. Im writing this from Sapa, Vietnam. Ive been in Hanoi too, and there are alot of happy poor people, why? cos they have friends and the ability to interact. Im sorry but I dont buy into the whole, oh but there are people worse off than you shite. Still, there is no point feeling sorry for myself, I know. Infact, I got good and bad news from my flatmate a day ago. He came over later and told me that I have been evicted from my flat. The llord is a fucken cock, just hangs around, totally anal about his precious floors and desk surfaces, which for the latter I partly destroyed. But also probably cos I didnt make an effort to be amiable with him when his lamearse was always about. Why should I? I pay rent, he starts his conversation with bs about a unwashed dish or something. So, thats fucken great, doesnt have the balls to tell me to my face, tells my flatmate, to tell me while Im abroad. A coward, and he'll fuck me for my bond no doubt. Now I have to think about cutting my leg to Cambodia off, as I will need more money for a bond on a new place. But Ive been thinkin about alot over the two days, Im glad to be out from there, I want a new place to myself so that I can meditate, which bring me to the good news, I have the SAI CD series waiting on my bed at home. Its the best news Ive heard all year, maybe longer. The testimonies Ive read from SAI outpaients, Nick and UK success stories has convinced me this is my solution. Im glad to be away from my flatmate, following his party lifestyle and trying to throw myself in with exposure didnt work, and Im sick of his focus on sex and confident attitude. He thinks everyone's sex life is common gossip. I dont like people that are devoid of humility and are not humble to a degree.

Actually this is more like a blog and Im not sure how interesting this is but, anyway. Its fantastic to log on to this site from abroad, Ive had a very harrowing five days in Nam, trying not to piss off people on the group Ive been travelling with and deal with sharing boats and hotels with random and often very friendly tourists. Ive wrote abit, thought alot about my future, and thankfully, got to a comp (with a very slow connection) to find to my delight 18 posts to my thread on hate, which I wrote after a hard week in Taiwan, with broken bikes and trying to get drug fucked with a friend of a friend. Actually, I think that happened after I wrote, but if you havent tried shrooms, grass and beer and watching the sunrise all night,...then you should.

I wish I had the tape series with me now. Im going to be a bigot (is that the right word) at this point and cut and paste this entry to a new thread as I think it may be of interest.

Cheers to all,
despite what I said about not negating my feelings cos of poor third world people, everyone should trip out to South East Asia, the people are really friendly which makes it alot easier, plus Ive found alot of travellers keep to themselves anyway, so you can feel less anxiety. I have. The tricky thing is street hawkers and vendors, its hard to turn them down, they use every emotional trick in their disposal; from flirty beauties, to quick tougued cute youngsters, to weathered elders.

Thanks.

Vince



I carry my hate in a mask called my face, but not always.

 

[nicola_maire]

see i dont agree, some people r stronget than others, can cope better. your problems rely on you, its your responsabilty to sort them out, you cant blame people who havnt got social phobia. coz really n truly why should they care? they have there own problems, no matter who you are, everyine has problems, wether its mental, physical or the fact they've been under [payed, for differnt people it has differnt seriousness.
what anoys me is when people pass blame, its not your fault you ahve sp, thats not what im saying, actauly there is no fault, but its not anyone elses fault youve got it.
science says that everyone deals with things differnt, rejection can make people overly outgoing, so they can pretend they dont care, or really socialy anxious, scared rejection.
just accept, life is hard work, no matter who u are. think of the people in niger att he moment, and u think ur life sux?