morality and social discrimination

[Vincent]

I look around and see all these people moving around, functioning, and SOCIALISING oblivious to my existance, which makes no sense, because reality is only from my perspective, if my perspective ends, then so does reality. Anyway, my point is that this is intensely depressing to appreciate this.

When you are happy, the real kind of happiness that only socialising can bring: belonging, friendship, love etc. That feeling disipates or doesn't even enter your thoughts when you are with others in a meaningful way,...right? I think I recall it being that way. If so, then we notice it because we are alone and on the search for things to confirm our misery, also because we have free thinking to note these things and think on them.

But, if Im with friends or people that I don't really respect or like, then I find myself still with the same issue. Does anyone find that they compromise what they want in people or friendships? Just taking what you can get, rather than what you want? But, what if a) you don't know what you want, because you arent used to asking that and because you aren't sure who you are, because I believe you really arent yourself until you are happy, so that way you don't know what you would have in common if you were yourself.

It seems shallow to think like this, but is it? Do we not have the right to be discriminating in what we want out of people? Surely, being socially anxious, makes us the bottom of any social hierarchy, but sometimes I don't feel that way, I don't respect people that are more popular than me, perhaps it's not for good reasons, perhaps because I am negative and to me, most people that aren't negative are shallow, superficial and stupid.


I'm just garbling, but does anyone know what Im getting at? There are several points here, I'd be interested in anyone's take on any of these.

V

 

[GettingThere]

We do not live in Utopia and for the system to work there must be give and take in terms of our tolerance of other's faults. Let's face it we all have flaws, some more than others but nevertheless none of us are perfect.

I believe that it is good for our character development to exercise our patience and tolerance in respect to others regardless of how shallow and/or self-centred they may be. At times this can only be done in small doses though I must admit.

Interesting post, thank you.

 

[black_mamba]

Does anyone find that they compromise what they want in people or friendships? Just taking what you can get, rather than what you want? But, what if a) you don't know what you want, because you arent used to asking that...

I strongly agree with what has been said in the two replies above.

I will always weaken my strong opinions and sometimes even 'dumb down' my language for others in order for conversation to flow. I feel that socialising is a shared activity, its not neccessarily about what you get from it in a selfish manner, but I understand this frustration you're feeling.

Today was the first time I totally let loose with an old school friend. I have known her for ten years and today I confessed to her my problems and spoke to her in a way which I wanted to rather than succumbing to the shallow ego-boosting reassurance I always have to dish out to her. It was amazingly refreshing, and she thanked me for being myself.

And I know this is going to sound disgustingly spiritual but, I believe that true happiness shouldn't be sought from others. Only from yourself.

I hope I have answered the question you asked rather then the question I think you asked. :lol:

 

[wistful_dementia]

For the sake of emotional convenience and efficiency alot of people fool themselves into believing that reality only occurs from their perspectives. I do believe that there is always a pure and objective truth, but that truth is sometimes beyond a persons (including sometimes mine) realm of awareness and understanding...

Anywho... hi Vincent, oddly enough at some points in my life I have had similar opinions as yourself, and have felt that I was compromising in my friendships. For the sake of just having companionship and friends, I have in the past made friends with people who were agressive and shallow. After time I realised that most people who are shallow and who are simple are not bad people, but rather non-intellectual or lower functioning and haven't learnt the mental tools or learned the necessity of why they shouldn't be self-centered... but I have also learned that deep down most people have good hearts (unless they have a personality disorder or brain damage so that they are incapable of empathy)... and deserve at least the attempt to be understood and respected. Now, in my opinion, I believe that to alleviate my angst and anxiety, that I should view most people as friends... although I would (if I wasn't so damn shy!) descriminate who I spend the MAJORITY of my social time with quality friends. I don't think that it is a contradiction- seperating friends from good friends.

After all, haven't you ever felt misunderstood or unjustly discriminated against?

You say that most people who are not negative are superficial and stupid... it is strange but from my perspective.. the people that surround me... the younger people who try their hardest to be cool are usually... shallow, superficial, mean, apathetic and foolish. I guess that shows that it all depends upon perspective and why we should attempt to view things from multiple perspectives before jumping to a conclusion.

Which leads me to another point- maybe you are confusing caring too much with being negative? There is nothing wrong with caring or negativity... the reality is life isn't rosey... but it also isn't completely negative also... How we cope with reality is partly our choice.... while it is impossible for some of us to escape our pain completely we do have a choice to make it better. If reality is both negative and good, isn't it your responsibility to try and see both in people? I mean if you want to feel better and if you also expect people to not have unjust prejudices against you?


I'm really sorry, if I am coming off as preachy.... I don't mean to be... this is just a discussion for me to learn and maybe exchange ideas.

As far as myself... I am wondering if true happiness comes from receiving that perfect relationship or perfect friendship... I am only human and I know how fulfilling that can be... but maybe I am growing detached or as Tom Cruse would say 'glib' :lol: ... naw, I haven't reached that point yet... but that is something that I am still working on so I can't really answer all you statements and questions completely... but I think that you may be on to something when you talk about the need to know yourself... and as cliche as it might sound, I believe that that answer needs to come mostly from within yourself and examining yourself...

Oh yeah, by the way... and I think it may tie into what I am saying at least for the most part.. but I think GettingThere's post is right on the money... I wish that I could be that succinct and eloquent... :lol:

 

[wistful_dementia]

PS-- sorry, about the long post