More inadquacy and resentment...

[Anonymous]

Resentment and jealousy are mad, mm'kay?

I know this. That's why I used to be proud of not being a jealous or resentful sort.

Call it a mini-midlife crisis, a breakthrough of insight, a falling away of delusion, or what have you-- but lately, as I've noticed that my life is pretty far behind where my lowest expectations of where I would be at age 31, R&J have reared their ugly heads.

Persons I have always been more successful than have outdone me. Including a former heroin addict, and the guy who has literally quit every job he has had since college in less than two months (he's now selling houses and is making more this year than I have in the past five).

This wouldn't bother me so much if I had any forward progress at all-- when it comes to "getting it together" I've always been slow, but in the past two years have eliminated about five years' worth of progress (even more, actually, since debt is nothing less than the loss of your future...).

Here I am at my entry-level job that I'll probably be fired from, with my almost ten years of experience. Down the hall is my boss' boss, two steps up the ladder, a department director, and she's 29.

 

[Anonymous]

LOL heya worrydoll, thanks for your response.

It's so funny because in general I've always had a hippie outlook (with a punk-rock edge :twisted: ). Now I have seen how far it has gotten me... not too far... I'm stuck back in my mother's house and it sucks... it sends the few women I run into screaming in the other direction. Nothing in America quite says "loser" to a lady like living with Mom at 31... and due to debt and low pay, I don't see myself ever moving out before age 40... something else to feel non-confident and pathetic about. I've had relationships in the past etc., but in my financial situtaion noone will bother, so I can forget any chance of a GF until I move... and by then I'll be too old for kids etc. (I don't want to have teenager when I'm 65.... LOL). It's like the basic stuff everyone takes for granted is permanently beyond me. This is beyond SA-- I came darn close to having what I wanted WITH the damned problem (and the depression, the ADD-style scattered brains, the whole bit). Now, after all me and my dysfunctional mind have done to make life way more difficult than it needs to be, outside forces are draining me of the rest of my hope at quasi-normality.

Perhaps I'm just spoiled? Perhaps I'm idiotic to have hoped for a semi-normal life with mental disorders? Should I just simply be pleased that I used to have an OK life, disorders and all? I can't... I obsess about finding a way to get some $$ so i can move (I have SA BAD around my Mother... all that avoidant personality shit). Work sucks, going home sucks, being out in public alone sucks, I just wanna smoke grass, pet the kitty, and sleep. I'm pretty good at those things (and other things than don't earn me an income). I'm ranting now, sorry, thanks for listening, if you think I'm a complete loser I agree, just don't mention it

 

[crashmodem]

well lets change the perspective for a momment.

I work full time, make somewhat good money, but have no life. Basically my social life is basically all at work.

And i know what you mean about people who who have used and abused the system, but at the end, they get the better life than you do.

I work so hard that i need a leave of absent because work is getting to me to much. but i am just so tired of everything. But i know how you guys all feel.

What especially bothers me is why i can't seem to find any friends (especially women) and i am worried that i am a women repeller, and i don't know what i am doing wrong. I don't know, and maybe i don't care

 

[crashmodem]

what is there to care about?