my lifes going NOWHERE!

[Anonymous]

iv really had enough, im not so much shy anymore but i am very very social phobic, i get fidgety and anxious in peoples company and i feel they are judgin me all the time, so i close off and wish i was alone.
iv had a girl wanting to be my mate, like we wer to meet up once a week and be girlie together, but once we met up i was so quiet and anxious and i felt like i was the most boring person, like nothing i wud say wud fasinate her, i was quiet most of the time but it didnt help that she didnt say anything either! and shes NOT social phobic, its like this all the time, its like peolple want me to do all the talkin, but i cant so they dont say a word and i feel so ignorant, so basically iv missed out on a friend now, cos everytime we met up it wud be the same everytime and id be quiet and anxious, id do anything to hav a girlie friend to be girlie with, but my personality sucks.
i know thers a true me somewher inside but it just cant come out, im jealous of everyone cos they all have mates, places to go, but im so boring and i hate my life, iv seeked counselling, but it didnt do anything at all, cos all it was ws listening and it didnt solve anythng, i just feel so helpless, whwnever i go onto my friend chat room all my 'friends' NEVER chat to me, i always hav to chat to them first, but if i dont, i wudnt be talkin to them at all, its like i do ALL the work. i need people, but no-one seems to like me, they all think im a snobby depressent who cant talk about anything interesting at all. I HATE MY NON EXSISTENT LIFE!

 

[Anonymous]

Yeah, i know exactly the feeling, i have very few friends and I always have to contact them to keep the firendship going, otherwise it would just evaporate - but i'm going to keep it up unless they tell me to get lost.

I also feel really boring when I'm with people and I can never think of interesting things to say, so I think i need to take up a few hobbies and then may be join a club or something so i'll be with people with a common interest - hey, it may not work out great but i've got to at least try, right? I mean, sitting at home doing nothing isn't going to get me anywhere, that is 100% certain. So if I join a club and it turns out to be crap, so what, I just leave and then try something else.

I've also found that most people are pretty boring anway, even though they seem to be having great conversations and stuff, when you actually listen to the dull meaningless crap most people talk, they're not very interesting at all. So I'm just gonna talk crap too, if they're not interested, who cares? I'll keep doing it until I find someone I get on with.

 

[LA323]

we have alot in commom, i have been quiet all my life, but not shy, i never had a problem making friends, but it was when i got SA that it keeped me from knowing a person, and beeing their friend. Since i got SA i felt like if i was the most boring person in the world, but i knew it wasnt my fault, its was my SA that keeped me from doing things that were interesting. My advice to u would be to keep on talking to her, and if she thinks ur boring and losses interest, well then screw her, theres many more women that would understand u, but i know exactly what ur going thru, and if u want to see what im going thru, look at my post, its the one titled "MI GIRLFRIEND" !! take care

 

[Shadow]

I feel the same way. I feel like people arn't interested in what I have to say. Even as I'm writing this I'm wondering if anybody is going to care what I write. But you know what? We all have interesting personalities. We just have to find a way to express it. Most people who are social phobics or 'shy' tend to have very poor communication skills. That's why we sometimes come across as boring. It's not our personality, that just what we think when we personalize it. If you work on developing you're communication skills you'll soon realise that you're not so boring afterall. But of course the only way to do that is through practise. So start small and gradually work your way up. As you progress you'll find yourself feeling more and more confident, and consequently less self-conscious.

Why don't you try joining a club or doing some kind of activity that involves other people? That way you don't feel the pressure to always be talking. And if you all enjoy the activity you have something to talk about. That may be a big step for you. I have yet to join a club but I'm trying.

 

[Anonymous]

Hey it's not fair,all u claiming to be the most boring person in the world.I thought I was (am).I know how you all feel,I have so many problems making conversation and feel that I am such a dull boring guy with nothing to offer to other people,so I don't talk much in social situations and avoid the people who seem to have the most to say,as I'm convinced that they will find me even more boring.I'm sure some people think I'm wierd,snobby and totally uninteresting.And don't mention girls,I'm scared to ask one out,as I would have to make conversation and have convined myself that no woman wouldfind me interesting.I guess that lots of people have problems keeping conversation going,but I think us SA sufferers beat ourselfs up over it,while they don't give a shit.I feel I don't have any conversation or social skills.I wonder if there are any courses or groups that could improve our conversation or social skills?

p.s. - I think your dead right,most of the people that talk non stop talk nothing but crap.I mean in my local pub,the barman is always accusing these people of talking "shit",as all they seem to tell are tall stories,and I think some of them are doing it for so long that they believe it.But one thing I notice is that people want to be around them,even me as it is usually so intertaining and u usually have a laugh,as u know they are talking absolute bull.So maybe we all need courses in the only truely international language "bull shit".

 

[Anonymous]

So maybe we all need courses in the only truely international language "bull shit".

hehe, so true, heck even the President of the USA speaks that language fluently

 

[Anonymous]

This all sounds exactly like me. My boss has actually told the business manager that he doesn't like the way I talk on the phone. He said I don't have confidence in my voice and that it is high-pitched. It is so true.
I don't know if there is any therapy for this kind of thing.

is good to know, however, that I am not the only person with this problem. I don't really let it get to me though. I never go anywhere without my husband. The thought of being in social situation without him scares me. If he isn't there, nothing gets said, cause I don't say it!

 

[felix]

Hey, i feel exactly the same. I just worry so much about running out of things to say in a conversation that i just get really akward if its me and just one other person. i feel like I'm boring too. I don't really understand some people or what they talk about. And i know what u mean, sometimes I think why should I b so worried about what to say? why don't they say n e thing?
its so frustrating do u ever feel as though everybody else has like a kinda of character, as though they're in a play or something? and its like I just don't have a character, i'm just me. thats prob just me being weird tho

 

[Anonymous]

*topic starter* .... well i am glad many of u feel the same way i do, i now know i aint alone which is always nice.But another thing id like to add, not only do people think im a snob, but if i was to express my opinion on something or something on a forum i feel people wud agree with, they all just turn on me and think im an idiot and swear at me bein dead evil and i cnat even begin to understand why, so mayb my way of communicatin wit the whole world is just put off negatively?

 

[Anonymous]

omg yeh i was just thinkin that the other day! i felt like everyone had their own unique personality that if anyone was to do an impression of them, it wud be easy to think of wat to say/do but if it came to me it wud be very hard cos i dont have a unique way of saying/doing things, i remember sometime someone tried impresonatin me but they ended up lookin glum and stuff....why cant people rspect the quiet ones?

 

[Anonymous]

omg yeh i was just thinkin that the other day! i felt like everyone had their own unique personality that if anyone was to do an impression of them, it wud be easy to think of wat to say/do but if it came to me it wud be very hard cos i dont have a unique way of saying/doing things, i remember sometime someone tried impresonatin me but they ended up lookin glum and stuff....why cant people rspect the quiet ones?

Funny now that u say this,it's jogged my memory back to the xmas party,when my boss was over from the UK.During the evening he did impersonations of most of the staff in an Irish acent,but he looked at me and carried on to one of the others.I didn't think anything of it at the time,as I was just glad the spotlight was off me.

I think when I am going over and over in our heads what to talk about next in a 1-1 situation,I tend to lose the conversation,as I'm off somewhere else.As a result the current topic stops,as I was the one that should have been listening instead of thinking.It's now my turn to talk and because I haven't been able to find anything in my now blank mind,the conversation is dead.This indeed would give anyone I meet the impresion that I am boring,dull,distant and aloof,or that I am indeed a snob that doesn't want to talk.Because of this I just tend to sit alone and not approach people,as I know the conversation would be lucky to last past a few minutes.I know that this is not helping,but it's the easiest and least stressful way.I think that I have also lost interest in the topics that many people talk about.Maybe we need to read more,in order to have more to converse about.But then again what would be the point,if we just go blank due to anxiety caused by seaching the now blank mind for more conversation.Also most people talk crap,but I think before I talk,and crap seems to just roll of the tongue.So I guess I'd be no good at that either.

Hey wait a minute,maybe most of u might think that this is utter crap, haha!

 

[Anonymous]

I've also thought that I need to read more and stuff in order to increase my knowledge of topics for conversation. But you know, I'm not so sure about this...I mean, it's like homework. And like you say, most people don't actually have genuinely interesting and intelligent conversations, they just talk crap. I think part of the trick is to just talk crap BUT not feel embarassed about it.

Also, I think actually doing things rather than simply reading about them is a better way forward. Afterall, how many "fun" people spend their days reading books or journals? Lucky if they do any more than reading the captions beneath pictures. They just go out and do things, experience things, live their life. Actually experiencing things creates memories of life, memories to look back on and talk about. Reading books does not.