Hopefully I'm doing this right. Why am I so scared about posting this? Sorry if this gets double posted. It didn't work the first time.
I don't even know where to start. I've been agoraphobic for about 4 maybe 5 years. I could go out, but only if my mum was with me and even then I'd sometimes freak out. I also suffer with I suppose Social Phobia, depression and low self esteem.
A bit of background stuff. I had an underbite, which never bothered me in my teens, it was when I became an adult that I hated the idea of people looking at me. I had surgery almost 2 years ago. It was hell, worst thing for me is staying in a hospital. I haven't left the house in a year. One of them being that operation didn't turn out right my bottom lip goes to the left and my top to the right. I was crushed as I'd had to suffer years of having to bear going to the hospital. That's when I became 100% housebound. It's hard to explain to people, but I'd given up. I knew it wasn't going to fix all my problems, but it would've helped. I wouldn't constantly be thinking, they're looking at you because of your jaw. Anyway I still have braces on and now have gotten cavities and I have to go to the dentist and the orthodontist. Even thinking about it scares me so much I start to sweat. I have to go back and have another op to fix my jaw, but I haven't got the strength to go through it all again.
I know people are probably thinking, why is she talking about this shit in an agoraphobic forum? Well if I posted this in a dentist type forum, most people wouldn't understand. They would say things like everyone is scared of the dentist etc. Thing is I'm not scared of pain. I'm scared of something happening when I step outside or that they'll say things that'll make me want to cry.
I wanted to know if I could get some advice. I know I have to go. I'll cause myself health issues if I don't have my teeth done, but I cant walk out the door. I've really tried, but I freeze up.
Another of the reasons I haven't been able to go outside was because of my panic attacks that are pretty much constant. I had my mum take me to the hospital twice in the early hours because I thought (and still think) there is something wrong. I had so many tests the first time and he said it's probably anxiety. The second time I went the doc didn't even do any tests he just sat me down and tried to get me to talk. I still don't think that they're right. I'm terrified of sleeping because I feel like I'm not breathing as I drift off and so I wake myself up.
I know you're all probably bored of hearing my life story, but I had a couple of questions for those who have social phobia too. Do you feel really stupid when someone asks you a simple question? A doctor will say okay what's your name? And my mind goes blank and I'm thinking, what's my name? Oh my god, what is it? Othertimes I cant even speak and communicate through nods and shakes of the head. If there's a knock at the door or the phone rings when I'm alone I feel terrified.
This is a very long post, but I've had this inside for so long. My agroaphobia, my family they just don't understand. I feel if I go outside I get so many things go through my mind. It can be as small as, people will look at me or try to talk to me. And then to the extreme of I'm going to get raped, tortued, stabbed etc. Even inside the house I'm scared, but only when alone. I think people will break in and hurt me.
I've lost all my friends because of this stuff. Not really friends I suppose as two weeks after becoming agoraphobic they vanished. I'm sick of being scared and lonely. I will be 25 next year and I feel like I've missed the best part of my life. A line from a play/movie always springs to mind. "Sometimes I hate being alive, but I'm too afraid to be dead."
Sorry for waffling on. I didn't mean to write so much. I just need to know that others feel the way I do, people who understand. I'm not crazy, am I?
I don't even know where to start. I've been agoraphobic for about 4 maybe 5 years. I could go out, but only if my mum was with me and even then I'd sometimes freak out. I also suffer with I suppose Social Phobia, depression and low self esteem.
A bit of background stuff. I had an underbite, which never bothered me in my teens, it was when I became an adult that I hated the idea of people looking at me. I had surgery almost 2 years ago. It was hell, worst thing for me is staying in a hospital. I haven't left the house in a year. One of them being that operation didn't turn out right my bottom lip goes to the left and my top to the right. I was crushed as I'd had to suffer years of having to bear going to the hospital. That's when I became 100% housebound. It's hard to explain to people, but I'd given up. I knew it wasn't going to fix all my problems, but it would've helped. I wouldn't constantly be thinking, they're looking at you because of your jaw. Anyway I still have braces on and now have gotten cavities and I have to go to the dentist and the orthodontist. Even thinking about it scares me so much I start to sweat. I have to go back and have another op to fix my jaw, but I haven't got the strength to go through it all again.
I know people are probably thinking, why is she talking about this shit in an agoraphobic forum? Well if I posted this in a dentist type forum, most people wouldn't understand. They would say things like everyone is scared of the dentist etc. Thing is I'm not scared of pain. I'm scared of something happening when I step outside or that they'll say things that'll make me want to cry.
I wanted to know if I could get some advice. I know I have to go. I'll cause myself health issues if I don't have my teeth done, but I cant walk out the door. I've really tried, but I freeze up.
Another of the reasons I haven't been able to go outside was because of my panic attacks that are pretty much constant. I had my mum take me to the hospital twice in the early hours because I thought (and still think) there is something wrong. I had so many tests the first time and he said it's probably anxiety. The second time I went the doc didn't even do any tests he just sat me down and tried to get me to talk. I still don't think that they're right. I'm terrified of sleeping because I feel like I'm not breathing as I drift off and so I wake myself up.
I know you're all probably bored of hearing my life story, but I had a couple of questions for those who have social phobia too. Do you feel really stupid when someone asks you a simple question? A doctor will say okay what's your name? And my mind goes blank and I'm thinking, what's my name? Oh my god, what is it? Othertimes I cant even speak and communicate through nods and shakes of the head. If there's a knock at the door or the phone rings when I'm alone I feel terrified.
This is a very long post, but I've had this inside for so long. My agroaphobia, my family they just don't understand. I feel if I go outside I get so many things go through my mind. It can be as small as, people will look at me or try to talk to me. And then to the extreme of I'm going to get raped, tortued, stabbed etc. Even inside the house I'm scared, but only when alone. I think people will break in and hurt me.
I've lost all my friends because of this stuff. Not really friends I suppose as two weeks after becoming agoraphobic they vanished. I'm sick of being scared and lonely. I will be 25 next year and I feel like I've missed the best part of my life. A line from a play/movie always springs to mind. "Sometimes I hate being alive, but I'm too afraid to be dead."
Sorry for waffling on. I didn't mean to write so much. I just need to know that others feel the way I do, people who understand. I'm not crazy, am I?
