new to forum...

[steph84]

so im new here...been reading through some of the pages...thought i would ask opinions on some of the compulsions i deal with-

one thing that is really bothering me lately is my thing with counting...when i read anything, i count phrases...its hard to explain...but its lead to me avoiding reading, and i used to love to read, but now im in school and its to the point where i am avoiding doing the reading and have gotten behind in classes. i cant help myself...its not a compulsion that i feel like something bad will necessarily happen if i dont count...i just cant NOT do it. i feel anxious/stressed if i think about not doing it, but i still feel that after i do it, because its something i continuously have to do, every sentence i read. i count phrases, i count letters, sentences. ugh.
in general, i just have a thing with evenness, checking that things are locked, checking that devices are unplugged multiple times (that one i do feel like something bad will happen if i haven't done it- like the house will burn down and/or someone will be injured). even though rationally, i KNOW its been unplugged, i have to check until i feel okay about it. the evenness thing affects many parts of my life, i hate when things touch my body on one side, or one arm, but not the other. i eat food in even numbers- for example, if im at the movies and im eating m&m's, even though it's too dark to see, i pick two at a time and look at them to make sure i know what color they are before i eat them. if i have to deal with something that is uneven, i kind of pinch my fingers together to make it even (somehow, in my head, it makes it even and ok). sometimes at the store i find myself grabbing for a pack of gum at the check out line because ive realized i have an uneven number of things to buy and it bothers me, so one more thing will make the checkout items an even number.
also, i don't know if this is related at all, but i absolutely hate listening to people chew food, the slightest noise when someone is chewing annoys the shit out of me.
i told my mom a couple of times when i was younger that i thought i had ocd, and she just said that everyone has their oddball rituals and wanting things to be even was not weird.
i dont feel like i have it as bad as i know many people do, i know it can be worse...but the reading thing is driving me crazy. im wondering if i should see someone, but i dont know where to start. like i said, i know i could have it a lot worse, but the reading and counting thing is affecting my life much more lately and i cant take it! ahh.
thanks for reading.

 

[enmascarado]

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[steph84]

thanks for replying...yeah...in a weird way, its good to know you experience the same things. like i said, i dont think i have it as bad as it can get, but just lately with the reading and not being able to study for school because i avoid reading like a damn plague, its kind of brought it all to a new level. i just feel weird doing something about it.

 

[matthew brownlee]

the whole 'eveness' thing doesnt sound like a common obsession, ive never read or heard about this type of o.c.d., it probably is o.c.d. though, because the 'counting' that u do is totaly a sign of o.c.d., and the fact that u avoid reading now is also a sign, oh and definitly the checking you do, thats a compulsion forsure, that my opinion

 

[Dudley]

Symmetry is a big one for me, too. If I tie my right shoe, for example, I have to re-tie my left shoe right away or they won't be even. And the food chewing thing, it just makes me cringe no matter what. That, and I always check at least five times to make sure my headlights are turned off and that I didn't forget my car keys when I park somewhere.

It's tough to tell people. I told my girlfriend and one of my really close friends so far, but I don't think my family would take me seriously. You can't exactly just come out and say "Oh by the way I have OCD, pass the butter" (at least I can't). Believe me though, telling just one person was a huge relief and made me feel a lot better for a decent amount of time.

It keeps me awake for hours at night just thinking how much easier things would be if I didn't have get up and count stuff completely at random, not being able to stop myself.

Same thing too, I know my compulsions are nothing compared to others', but even the smallest things can affect you immensely.

 

[steph84]

its nice to hear someone that can relate. i guess sometimes ive hesitated telling someone in part because ive seen how bad it can be, like for those people who wash their hands so long they bleed? i cant imagine...but i still think there has to be some way to stop all this unnecessary counting and even-ning i do. its not even that my shoes just have to be even...i have to have tied them both an equal number of times in order for them to be even, say the left shoe has been tied three times in an attempt to get it to be just as tight as the right shoe, and the right shoe has been tied four times and successfully tightened just the right amount. now i have to untie the left shoe that otherwise would have been just perfect, because it was only tied three times. most of my shoes that tie up are tied and knotted to just the right specifications because of this ridiculous behavior.
you know, ive thought of a few more things since i posted my original post. things i do that i hadnt even though of when trying to type out all the ridiculous, time consuming counting chores i do.
when i get the urge to file my fingernails, it generally takes an hour. they have to be just the right curve to my nails, but thats not the worst part. the worst part is that i cant stand any thing under my nails, i find the sharpest nail scissors i can and scrape under my nails, not even dirt, just skin and natural nail stuff that is growing...usually one of my fingers ends up bleeding and causing me pain...but i cant NOT do it.
when im at work, i have to wait until my cash drawer is opened during a transaction and pull out all the tens, fives, ones, make sure they are all flat and unfolded and straight, and face them all the same way. im sure one of these days someone will notice and think i am trying to steal money or something.
well, thats all i got for now...