ok so apparently my "ocd" says .....

[alonethinker]

im a serial killing, peadophile, person hater and abuser fml

i use to love people care about people want to help people i felt there emotions and their pain where has that me gone i want her back

i freak out when i see children i dont even hardly if ever get sexual thoughts about them no more....but my mind say what if you do do something not because its your desire but just because you need to...meh...i had a preganancy scare and was terrified about the child i could have i thought about holdingg it new born and i felt so much excitement and love then dread washed over me i thought oh crap im going to be a peado and child abuser

anxiety is up today but not at its highest i have moments where im excited for the future then the dread and fears come over me i see myself on the news for my possible crimes and people hating me and wanting to cut me open and my family and friends who iv let down

grrrrrrrrrrr !! i feel so dissociated lately and im permanently trapped in my mind you could slap me and i wont flinch im not here no more how do i get out of this state and into reality

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Time. You are having irrational fears about these things and you need to tell yourself "it's just a chemical imbalance". Work your way through it and you will get out the other side. I had similar fears that were put down to my own experiences as a child and with time they moved on and were replaced with something else.

 

[SAYC]

Hi,

It is really good that you recognize that it is OCD saying this crap. This is not you. I have totally been where you are. I posted elsewhere that basically I was ready to leave my husband, baby and toddler because I felt I was a threat to their safety.

I had hid the OCD since I was 12; I did not know what it was and thought I might be put away in a mental institution. It was all obsessions with violence towards people I loved and also towards strangers. It waxed and waned through my teens and hit hard at university then again when I got married. Each time, I dragged myself back out of the pit. After giving birth, my utter joy was replaced with intense anxiety that I might hurt my child. OCD told me I was dangerous. I went into survival mode and shut off, had a second child and finally hit bottom. I was so afraid I would hurt someone, especially the kids, that I turned off and basically had a break down.

Just admitting to a counsellor some of the stuff in my head was such a relief. Once I felt safe enough (probably because of the meds) I really started to offload the images/phrases and begin to see that they were attacks by OCD on me. That I was NOT OCD. I really think the meds helped a lot because I remember one day just realizing that my mind was quiet; like all the background noise was gone. The cognitive behaviour modification really helped as well; facing the fearful situations. I started cycling 30 minutes a day-really helped in a massive way.

Seriously I have been where you are. I have had these obsessions; fear that I was a serial killer, pedophile. I used to think that the only way I would truly know that I was not these things was to make it to my deathbed having not done them. But did I really want to live in total fear and torture for another 50 years or so??? I let it go; it took hard work and professional help but I am on the other side and it is worth it. Sending you a big hug.

 

[dreemshaman]

One of the best books I've read about OCD is 'Brain Lock', which happens to be my first book that I read about OCD few years ago. In it, there's a phrase "It's not me, it's my OCD!". I adopted and remember that phrase until today, and it helped a lot! So, when your OCD says what it says, it's not you, it's your OCD. Another good thing you can do is to practice mindfulness, it's not easy for beginners, but it will help you big time if you stick to it.