Perfection with OCD

[chris87]

I'm sorry if this is redundant, but does anyone have a severe desire for perfection with their OCD? I've been realizing lately how upset/stressed I get when I do certain things that interfere with my excessively high expectations.

For example, I accidentally hit the side of my tire today when I was at the drive through (depositing my paycheck). I was so upset about the possibility of messing up my tire, even though it was fine. For some reason, I just can't let things go. I was running a million possibilities through my head (maybe the tire will no longer be the same, my car won't look as nice, etc.).

I have a similar problem if I pay a bill late. I'll be so upset that I want to cry. I feel like I've permanently ruined my standing with the bank, and that my credit record with them will be forever tarnished. I know it's ridiculous, but I get so anxious.

I think this relates to my issue with clothing. I have a lot of nice things, but I never wear any of them. I'm too afraid that they won't look as nice after they are washed a few times, so I simply won't wear them. It's silly, but I would get so anxious and paranoid, if an outfit of mine got dingy from being washed.

I don't know if this makes sense to all of you or not, but it's been a problem for me. Most people get upset about these types of things, but I dwell on them for long periods of time...

 

[dpr]

i can sort of relate, but while as most of your areas of perfection-striving seem to be materialistic, mine are goal-oriented. like i am studying for a music exam but also working on my home business and have sports-related goals. so while i am practicing for my music exam i'll be thinking "Oh man, I should really be training" or "I really should be working on the website for my business." I make a lot of needless lists too, like: 1. Do blablabla for the business, 2. Practice for exam, etc.

I have some material-based freakouts, but it mostly involves me worrying that I got ripped off. Like I'll spend a long time deciding on buying something. Like say I need a shirt then I go buy it and take it home and discover it has a stain on it or something. If I'm at work, I'll be thinking about it the whole day. Like "Fuck, now I have to take it back. What if they don't want to take it back? What if I can't find the receipt? Then I'll have wasted my money. This always happens," etc.

I find what helps me is a CBT technique (I think) where I ask myself a series of questions about the problem until I can't answer myself anymore. Like...

"Okay, so what if you can't find the receipt? Then what?"

"Well then the store won't take it back!"

"So what if the store won't take it back? What does that mean?"

"That means that I'll have wasted 20 dollars!"

"Well 20 dollars won't make you bankrupt. Why is the 20 dollars so important?"

and if I ask enough questions I'll usually come to the heart of the issue. My negative thoughts about myself...

"Because only losers get suckered out of 20 dollars. I'm a loser," etc.

I think these freak-outs are misplaced, because it's not really about the situation itself (dinging your car or getting ripped off), the event just triggers a negative belief you have about yourself that needs to be worked on.

I mean just because I lost 20 dollars, doesn't mean I'm going to be evicted and living on the street tomorrow, so it can't be that. And a messed up tire doesn't mess up your whole car. And if it is messed up, you can fix it. So the reason for freaking out HAS to be something else, something deeper if you know what I mean.

That's my opinion anyway.

I've also always found some sort of solace in this (paraphrased) quote:

"If your problem has a solution, then there is no need to worry. If your problem has no solution, then how will worrying help?"