PPL stop blaming others for ur s/a!

[endo]

I hear alot on posts how ppl blame others for thier s/a. I can understand that to an extent. I hear most of you asking why are ppl so rude and treat me like crap. The one thing u have to recognize is ur treating urself like crap for letting ppl make u feel tha way. I know u cant help but be sensitive but u cant ever blame others for making u mad or because of him/her im in a horrible mood. NO NO NO u YOU and ONLY YOU allowed that person to get to you. Just want u to start thiking a little bit differntly remember its not other ppl making u feel bad its the way u choose to absorb what thier saying. Im not saying I myself dont get affected if sumone says sumthin negative to me, but i do realise and rocognize now its all on me and how im gonig to be affected by what they said.

 

[crazyfairyx]

SA is created by your mind, but sometimes it is given one hell of a kick start by other people.

 

[Boundless]

SA is created by your mind, but sometimes it is given one hell of a kick start by other people.

Yup,guess i absorbed all those beatings wrong then did i :roll:

 

[MaGuS]

endo: I always try to remember what Jesus said while he was being crucified, "forgive them, for they know not what they do." The people who are rude or treat you like crap, or even blame you, do not know what they do. I found that when you forgive others, it makes you stronger and allows all the bad things that happen to you to flow right past you.

I like how you look at it: understanding that no one can make your state worse or make you upset and angry. All of that comes from the inside and everything does.

 

[redlady]

I understand what you are saying and i am glad that you recognise that it is not as easy as that.
I have the ability to say to myself when someone gives me any shit that - 'that person's attitude has everything to do with them and who they are and nothing to do with me' - it is hard to convince my subconscious of this though.
I personally don't like the thought of internalising everything as your fault though - it's MY fault that i am getting mad because of what you have done to me - i don't think that is constructive either.

 

[jenz]

hey I used to think too much about what made me this way and I did blame it on people my fam etc...But then Ive come to the point where I only blame myself because past factors that should be making me shy nervous whatever aren't there anymore and I can't seem to get past my negative view of myself--i have been told that It becasue I accepted too much of it (verbal abuse) and didn't react to it ..someone told me once that when youre in a situation where somone putting you down you have to react to it in that instant or else a little bit of your self-respect and self-esteem leaves you (try not to be passive about it). I hope i didn't stray from the topic ... It is a matter of rebuilding that lost confidence and taking of control of the self-loathing thoughts its hard I know i m alot better than before.( not in being shy)

 

[MaGuS]

it's MY fault that i am getting mad because of what you have done to me

redlady, it might be because your still blaming them.

 

[Kezada]

calm ppl

Kezada

 

[redlady]

MaGuS wrote:

redlady, it might be because your still blaming them.

That quote wasn't my own attitude - that was something that i took from what endo wrote - just using it as an example. But you are right to an extent - i resent how i was treated when i was younger - instead of holding on to that to keep myself bitter i recognise it and am trying to use it for constructive purposes. You have to acknowledge the past and what was done in order to remedy what it did to you.

 

[Boundless]

Bitterness,i know all about that,everything anyone ever did wrong to me is stored in my mind and its formed into a ball of pure hate and resentment towards people.

 

[redlady]

And you know Boundless that is the logical thing for our mind to do - it's self preservation for christ's sake - our mind is trying to keep us alive - but tradgically enough is killing us with its method.

 

[Boundless]

Ok red your mission,go find me a selective memory wipe and no 6 bottles of gin wont do :roll:

And no...niether will that baseball bat :lol:

 

[redlady]

Your mission if you choose to accept it.... - i feel like singing to myself the mission impossible theme song. Okay i will be right on it - I'll call McShy and he can come and pick me up in his tardis, much quicker that way.
Baseball bat - please - NEVER!

 

[Lost_Nomad]

Social Phobia is the result of some negitive experiences with people repeatedly. Its an instinct that our mind creates to protect us just like touching a hot stove or putting your hand in a lions mouth, you would be nervous to do any of those things too because you know that you will get hurt if you do any of them and thus your mind alerts you to the danger and prepares you to deal with it by releasing drugs that boost you energy and other things like shuting down digestion of food and moving your blood from other parts of your body to your muscles etc... thats actualy why we feel sick to our stomach and get cold sweety hands. the brain is doing its job and doing it correctly, what may seem logicaly faulty with the way we react to peope is, thats because SA is an instinct, its supposed to work faster than you reasoning it out every time. instints know doubt would have save your life a lot of times, they are necessary. intolarant sociaty or harsh childhood, its all about our environment, it is a social problem. At least thats my thoughts on the matter.

 

[redlady]

Me - i absolutely agree with you Lost_Nomad - very well articulated.

 

[paul]

Lost_nomad - very well stated, and I bet it's true for many people - however I haven't had many bad experiences with people at all, my parents and brother (for the post part, heh) have been very good to me. What you said though is true for many - brilliantly worded.
However I must say I do agree with red on this -- blaming it all on yourself and saying it's all your fault is borderline self-destructive.
I think SP is one of those things that you shouldn't be focusing on whose "fault" it is, instead you should be focusing on how you can get over it and ways to make yourself less shy.