pushing people away(I am not the one with OCD)

[Chris516]

This may seem backwards, considering the subject title.

My (S)ignificant (O)ther keeps telling me to find someone better than her. Someone that isn't mentally ill. I have looked up on the Net, about people with OCD pushing loved ones' away. I thought I read somewhere that, a loved one allows themselves to be pushed away, to the point of ending a relationship. That the person with OCD will actually feel worse, if the relationship does end. By my nature of being bull-headed n' stubborn(German, Irish, and several brain surgeries), I have repeatedly told her, that there is no one better than her.

 

[Flanscho]

Well, can't really tell you what to do, since there is so much more going on in such a relationship that only you and your partner know about.

The problem is, that if she might really want to end the relationship and you keep forcing it, that you might actually hurt her instead of helping her. Some people get the crazy idea of "testing" a partner. Like they think th at, "if I'd end the relationship, would you fight to keep it going? Because if you wouldn't, you don't truly love me". Of course this is bs, and people who think that really have to learn a lot about life and relationships.

So... I don't know. I once had a partner who also kept constantly pushing people away, and then later regretted it. Sometimes, within one week, she changed her mind three times, saying first "we shouldn't see each other for a while" and then crying because she misses me and asking me to visit her and then changing her mind again.
After a while I just shrugged, and told her that we might better wait a bit until her emotional turmoil had settled somewhat, so that she has a clear mind and knows what she wants.

 

[Chris516]

Well, can't really tell you what to do, since there is so much more going on in such a relationship that only you and your partner know about.

The problem is, that if she might really want to end the relationship and you keep forcing it, that you might actually hurt her instead of helping her. Some people get the crazy idea of "testing" a partner. Like they think th at, "if I'd end the relationship, would you fight to keep it going? Because if you wouldn't, you don't truly love me". Of course this is bs, and people who think that really have to learn a lot about life and relationships.

So... I don't know. I once had a partner who also kept constantly pushing people away, and then later regretted it. Sometimes, within one week, she changed her mind three times, saying first "we shouldn't see each other for a while" and then crying because she misses me and asking me to visit her and then changing her mind again.
After a while I just shrugged, and told her that we might better wait a bit until her emotional turmoil had settled somewhat, so that she has a clear mind and knows what she wants.

But:

1. She will tell me I am better off with a woman that is not mentally ill. Yet she continues to be unwavering in telling me, she loves me. She has never said anything like 'I don't love you anymore'.

2. The only thing I am doing, is saying that I don't want any other woman.

3. When I actually say to her, that she can go about her life and break up with me, she refuses to break up with me.

The only thing that bothers me a lot, is the lack of communication. The obsessing doesn't bother, even the hoarding doesn't bother me. Just the lack of communication bothers me.

 

[Chris516]

If I didn´t know this issue myself, I´d say it is a false humility. But I feel often myself, like people could do a lot better than with me. But despite this feeling I either am too cheeky or courageous enough, or both, to try to speak to people I like to (until they kick me in the *** themselves).

Lea, I had to Google 'false humility', but I think you are right. I talked to her on the phone just yesterday, and she started up again with me finding 'someone better than her'. Yet at the same time, she has talked about coming out here.

To me, her saying finding someone better than her, and her thinking of coming out here, are two completely different mental opposites.

 

[Chris516]

An addendum to everything else is, she has said(I don't know how much truth there really is to it), that she wants' to join an online support group, for my physical health problems. While that is excellent that she wants to do that. I am not holding my breath that, that will actually happen. I have never pressured her to do that, because her OCD, puts enough pressure on her. She also said she wants to come out here when it is cooler. I also don't think that will happen since she said last year, she wanted to come out here for a medical conference, but never came.