SA infectious?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone else with SA experienced the problem that when they are with other non-SA people, your own nervous behaviour actually rubs off on other people and makes them behave anxiously too, but only in your company?

This has been possibly the most soul-destroying aspect of my SA. Not only do I feel like crap most of the time when I'm with other people, but about 75% of the people I meet I actually make them feel like crap too. the result is that they avoid being near me. There's no chance of forming relationships with people when all you do is make them uncomfortable and nervous in your company. It's bad enough being quiet and anxious but this is real bad and compounds the problem.

I've never seen anyone else with SA mention that they have this problem, which made me feel all the more isolated and hopeless, like my SA is uniquely bad and there's no hope of a cure.

However, I was reading a book about SA today and there was a single paragraph which mentioned that this can sometimes happen. It came as a relief to know that it is recognised by medical professionals that this problem can occur and that they don't just try to dismiss the issue as an SA victim's overly-negative thinking resulting in them imagining that they have this undesirable effect on other people.

But I'd still like to hear of other people's experiences. Has anyone else here suffered with this particular problem?

 

[LilMissTragic]

SA is not infectious. People react to how others react to them. If your being all shy and non responsive you can gaurantee the other person will start doing the same. People feel uncomfortable with negative vibes and try to quickly get away from whoevers sending them out.

 

[Anonymous]

Yeah, that's pretty much what i meant. Some people don't seem to pick up on my SA very quickly whereas with others, they almost instantly pick up on my nervousness and start acting nervously too. Stupid monkey behaviour...can't they just ignore my anxiety!!?

 

[Who_cares]

You heard the saying that confident people project their confidence, well I always feel the opposite that I project my lack of self confidence and some people see this and fear it like a sort of wierdness and they try to avoid you or something . And then you get the people that notice it and act on it and embarrass you even more . Don't you notice that you can't stare at there eyes or they think your either wierd,shy or nuts ?? MAybe not but hey I had this for a long time (about ten years that I can remember) and have had way too much time to dwell on the subject. Only found out I had this about two years ago and only recently have started taking medication for this .

 

[GettingThere]

I heard a Psychiatrist on talk-back radio saying how anxiety and depression were both highly "infectious" things.

Obviously it depends upon the company but if you are feeling socially anxious, something that will make you more nervous is someone else exhibiting nervous behaviour. Same principle with depression. But as I said, it depends upon the individuals involved.

 

[Anonymous]

how do you know youre making them nervous? how do you know theyre not nervous when youre not there?

Trust me, it's just very obvious - it doesn't happen with all people and it generally only becomes very obvious with people i spend many hours with (ie at work every day) where eventually my efforts to disguise my own anxiety become appaarent to others and they gradually become more uncomfortable around me.

With some people (people who I get to like and so gradually relax a little in their company), it's fine, barely happens at all. But with others (people who i just never get to like and so remain anxious around), it's becomes a terrible vicious cycle - I perpetually feel ill at ease around them which gradually rubs off on them, I begin to notice that I'm making them anxious (because they mimic my symptoms) and my anxiety is heightened, in turn heightening their anxiety around me...at times I feel like my head could explode through the tension.

How do I know they're not anxious when not with me? Because when I first meet them, they are completely free of anxiety and more importantly, their behaviour around other colleagues remains completely normal and free of anxiety. But over time, their behaviour quite visibly changes when in my company.

 

[Sebastian]

this is what has been eating me for as long as I can remember having Social Phobia... the feeling of making normal people feel so bad simply drives me crazy. I can cope with feeling bad, but I absolutely hate making other people feel bad. I also thought that I was the only sociophobic who experienced this phenomenon.

 

[Anonymous]

its not infectious, i think people just mimic how you behave - but isnt that a sign of liking someone if you begin to mimic them?
i dunno but my bf was always a really confiudent guy, before i was going out with him, one of the most known guys in the school..then as weve been gonig out hesbeen getting shyer and shyer, more dependant on me and less sociablw with people.
i dont think that my SA has "infected him" just he isnt bothering to use his confident cover as much as he did, because he feels able to show me who he really is, and has really just let that image go.

 

[Anonymous]

It's not infectious in the way that a cold or a disease is infectious where you meet a person once and pass on your SA to them, and they then have SA.

But it is infectious in the sense that it is easily transmitted for the time that they are in your company. Much in the way that laughter or yawning can be infectious, anxious behaviour and negative vibes can affect other people. They don't mimic you in a flattering way, they mimic you because they feel as uncomortable and edgy around you as you do around them.

When they are not with you, they go back to their normal state of mind, whereas you still have SA.