Self esteem and true love.

[GettingThere]

I have always thought that for true love to exist between two people there must be a complete reciprocal bond of love. What I mean is that love must be equally given and accepted.

The question I ask is whether it is possible to have this kind of love if a person has issues in regards to self-esteem. I sometimes feel that I struggle to accept the love of others for this very reason. So I wonder whether it is possible to really experience true love until a person has their act totally together, accepting themselves.

Some say that you must love yourselves before you can love another.

 

[ColdAsIce]

I have only been in love once and although I totally recent myself I can honestly say I don't hold back when it comes to love but whats most important to me is companionship, so long as I have this I'm happy.

If you asked my fella he'd probably say the same, but I find it hard to except love in return if that makes sense. Don't get me wrong it feels good to be liked, given the chance I'd welcome that feeling 24/7 but it freaks me out to think of myself as 'loved'.

 

[avid_merrion]

Yes it is possible to fall in love regardless of self esteem issues i know this because it has happened to me. It was wonderful and i would not of changed it for anything, the other person had mentel health probs too but would not admit it to herself and it ended. The only thing i will say though is that with self esteem the break up and rejection is a million times worse so tread carefully with your heart folks.

But life is about taking chances and thats what we all need to do regardless of the hurt it may cause us because if we dont then we dont progress in our lives.

 

[marc72]

hmm

that was a good example Avid_merion as well as others thanks for choosing this topic cause I would like to have companionship as well as love. I oftern feel I have to be in better financial situaition, my anxiety , and lack of getting a good job from my part, or stuff to see maybe if the person will accept me, but like my therapist help me realized that in any position you are i life you can find somebody. there is somebody for everybody.I belive that. :!:

 

[dontbeshy]

Has anybody read "Essays in love" by Alain de Botton? (sorry its not anwering your question but i thought it was interesting, i always want to flee whenever anyone gets too close)

"....Marxists feel their core self to be so deeply unacceptable that intimacy will reveal them as charlatans. Therefore, why accept the gift of love, when it is sure to be taken away imminently? "If you love me now, this is only because you are not seeing the whole of me," thinks the marxist. ....Though from a position of unrequited love, they long to see their love returned, Marxists would unconciously prefer that their dreams remain in the realm of fantasy. They would prefer that their love was not much more than acknowledged, that their partner not call them too often, or do them the decency of being emotionally unavailable the majority of the time, a situation in accordance with their sense of worth. If the beloved by some accident should think rather well of them, then the Marxist's first impulse may be to shatter the idyll, not because it is unwelcome, but because it feels undeserved. Only so long as the beloved believes that the marxist is more or less nothing can the marxist continue to believe that the loved one is more or less everything."

 

[lifesnotfair]

2 words...love sucks

plain and simple....
never want love in my life..

 

[avid_merrion]

2 words...love sucks

plain and simple....
never want love in my life..

you know thats not true its just your experiences of love have been bad or not up to expectation. Never rule love out because we all need it without it humans have no purpose.

 

[lifesnotfair]

i dont' know what to believe anymore..

Everyone else is in love, and i am not.. so why should i be happy about that

 

[avid_merrion]

you need to slow down not chase love because the more you chase love the more it runs away, you see love is everywhere, it is you just need to take your opportunities, and thats the hard part for folk like us because of the rejection fear etc. You are capable of getting love just like anyone is and it is there for you, but slow down, go with the flow and let go of all the anger you have towards love, you time will come you just need to be prepared to take it when it comes along

 

[lifesnotfair]

love comes to those who are fortunate.. i am not though

 

[GettingThere]

love comes to those who are fortunate.. i am not though

Some say that we create our own reality. I'm not in full agreement with that notion but I can see some merit in the idea.

I think that there is something in your life that you need to change before you progress to where you long to be. Maybe something to do with a subconscious self-loathing? Certainly you need to think more positively.