forgetforgotten
New member
Ok, so I’m not sure if I have AvPD or not. There’s quite a large part of me that really hopes I’m making something out of nothing, but there’s another part that says this is real and I’m just trying to ignore the issue.
(I apologise in advance if this is really incoherent, I’m a bit all over the place at the moment.)
I’ve been looking at the DSM-IV criteria for AvPD, and I think I fit quite a few of them.
Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.
This generally depends on the context in which I’m meeting someone. In formal settings or settings in which there are clearly defined social roles and rules, i.e. buying things from a shop, then I’m ok. I have no problem buying things and don’t experience anxiety when doing so (although I do hate it when people come over and ask if I need help, or watch me (either staff or other customers)). But when it’s informal, like meeting friends of friends, or meeting/sitting next to new people in lectures then I’m very anxious. I prefer to do this when I’m with my friends, because then I can just sit and watch them interacting with the new person (even so I’m still anxious). Then when I feel more comfortable around the new person I’ll start talking to them a little. But when it’s just me and the pressure is on me to make conversation I get really nervous and can’t help feeling completely inferior to everyone around me. It’s worse if I know that I will have to talk to the person again. I also find it really hard to talk to the person out side of the context I met them in (for example, I can’t socialize with someone I met in a lecture).
Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing or inferior to others.
This is basically how I typically view myself. Even though I know that there are people out there who I am better than I can’t help but feel that I’m the most boring and socially retarded person in the world. (I’m 19 and I even feel inferior to small children). When I meet people for a second time I never expect them to remember my name, or even that they’ve seen me before.
Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.
This is most definitely true. The most recent example I can give is on a day out with my friends I wouldn’t jump/climb over a fence because I was terrified of making a complete fool out of myself. I guess this would also explain my complete inability to get a girlfriend and ‘lack of interest’ in sex in general. For ages I thought it was because I was really ugly, then I started to realize that there are far uglier people then me out there, and that some people actually were interested in me. Now I’ve realized that it’s because when it looks like something might actually happen I run away from it. It’s fine when I like them and I know nothing will ever happen about it (usually this is because they’re straight (I’m not, btw), which until now I thought was coincidence, but I’m not sure any more), but as soon as they express an interest in me I cut them off, quite literally I never speak to them again (made very easy by the fact I was trying to use the internet to meet people), because it’s the only way I can deal with the enormous amount of anxiety I feel.
I think this also extends to my inability to participate in seminar discussions, it’s at the point where I get anxious about answering my name, incase I sound stupid, and if I do manage to say something I think that everybody is thinking that I’m a complete retard and that my point is really stupid.
Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed.
Again, I can’t approach or flirt with girls at all, even though I really want to, because I’m terrified that I’ll embarrass myself, and that they won’t like me back. I also feel like I don’t know how to flirt. Who ever told me to trust my gut and follow my instinct was a moron, because my instinct tells me to ignore the girls I fancy because if I don’t I’ll make a complete idiot out of myself, and that if I try I’ll be completely crap.
Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection.
I’m not quite so sure about this one. I don’t like going out to parties due to the large amount of socialising I’m expected to do, and especially beforehand, I do get very anxious, mainly thinking that there isn’t actually a party and my friends are trying to make me look stupid, but I do generally go (not that any of my friends really have parties any more) even if it’s because I’m afraid that if I don’t I’ll lose my friends. But if I can stay in I will. Also when I go home for the weekend (I’m at uni) I avoid telling my friends back home, because I don’t want to meet up with them, because I know if I do they’ll want to go out clubbing all night and they’ll try and get me drunk, and I always find myself wanting to leave early. But I don’t avoid it all the time, mainly because sometimes I can’t.
Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked.
Again I’m not so sure about this, because generally speaking people like me (now I sound really arrogant, sorry) because I’m nice and polite to people. I frequently think that people think I’m abnormal and awkward, and I worry that they think I’m socially inferior or boring when I can’t always reply properly to them, but I don’t think that they think I’m horrible.
Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations.
Sort of. I’m not pre-occupied in all situations. I am in groups, like in my lectures or seminars for example. But it’s not too bad among my friends, admittedly there are only two people (plus my immediate family) that I can talk to with out any fear of them thinking I’m a complete retard. Often after I’ve said something I find myself thinking that what I’ve said is completely stupid, and that everyone now thinks I’m a moron. A lot of the time I have to plan out conversations in advance, or if I’m in a group conversation I spend a more time thinking about what I’m going to say than actually talking.
There are also other things I wasn’t sure where to put the main one being that people with AvPD often create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. I have a whole little world in my head, complete with its own laws, social rules, culture, religion, language. Everything’s there. I spend a lot of time playing through scenarios in that world, because in that world I am considerably better than I am here, and I can be who I want to be. I also spend a lot of time imagining meeting people, and things going really well with me feeling totally calm.
Ok, so that was considerably longer then I thought it would be, but it’s been playing on my mind for days, and I just needed to get it out. I’d be grateful to know what people think.
(I apologise in advance if this is really incoherent, I’m a bit all over the place at the moment.)
I’ve been looking at the DSM-IV criteria for AvPD, and I think I fit quite a few of them.
Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.
This generally depends on the context in which I’m meeting someone. In formal settings or settings in which there are clearly defined social roles and rules, i.e. buying things from a shop, then I’m ok. I have no problem buying things and don’t experience anxiety when doing so (although I do hate it when people come over and ask if I need help, or watch me (either staff or other customers)). But when it’s informal, like meeting friends of friends, or meeting/sitting next to new people in lectures then I’m very anxious. I prefer to do this when I’m with my friends, because then I can just sit and watch them interacting with the new person (even so I’m still anxious). Then when I feel more comfortable around the new person I’ll start talking to them a little. But when it’s just me and the pressure is on me to make conversation I get really nervous and can’t help feeling completely inferior to everyone around me. It’s worse if I know that I will have to talk to the person again. I also find it really hard to talk to the person out side of the context I met them in (for example, I can’t socialize with someone I met in a lecture).
Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing or inferior to others.
This is basically how I typically view myself. Even though I know that there are people out there who I am better than I can’t help but feel that I’m the most boring and socially retarded person in the world. (I’m 19 and I even feel inferior to small children). When I meet people for a second time I never expect them to remember my name, or even that they’ve seen me before.
Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.
This is most definitely true. The most recent example I can give is on a day out with my friends I wouldn’t jump/climb over a fence because I was terrified of making a complete fool out of myself. I guess this would also explain my complete inability to get a girlfriend and ‘lack of interest’ in sex in general. For ages I thought it was because I was really ugly, then I started to realize that there are far uglier people then me out there, and that some people actually were interested in me. Now I’ve realized that it’s because when it looks like something might actually happen I run away from it. It’s fine when I like them and I know nothing will ever happen about it (usually this is because they’re straight (I’m not, btw), which until now I thought was coincidence, but I’m not sure any more), but as soon as they express an interest in me I cut them off, quite literally I never speak to them again (made very easy by the fact I was trying to use the internet to meet people), because it’s the only way I can deal with the enormous amount of anxiety I feel.
I think this also extends to my inability to participate in seminar discussions, it’s at the point where I get anxious about answering my name, incase I sound stupid, and if I do manage to say something I think that everybody is thinking that I’m a complete retard and that my point is really stupid.
Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed.
Again, I can’t approach or flirt with girls at all, even though I really want to, because I’m terrified that I’ll embarrass myself, and that they won’t like me back. I also feel like I don’t know how to flirt. Who ever told me to trust my gut and follow my instinct was a moron, because my instinct tells me to ignore the girls I fancy because if I don’t I’ll make a complete idiot out of myself, and that if I try I’ll be completely crap.
Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection.
I’m not quite so sure about this one. I don’t like going out to parties due to the large amount of socialising I’m expected to do, and especially beforehand, I do get very anxious, mainly thinking that there isn’t actually a party and my friends are trying to make me look stupid, but I do generally go (not that any of my friends really have parties any more) even if it’s because I’m afraid that if I don’t I’ll lose my friends. But if I can stay in I will. Also when I go home for the weekend (I’m at uni) I avoid telling my friends back home, because I don’t want to meet up with them, because I know if I do they’ll want to go out clubbing all night and they’ll try and get me drunk, and I always find myself wanting to leave early. But I don’t avoid it all the time, mainly because sometimes I can’t.
Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked.
Again I’m not so sure about this, because generally speaking people like me (now I sound really arrogant, sorry) because I’m nice and polite to people. I frequently think that people think I’m abnormal and awkward, and I worry that they think I’m socially inferior or boring when I can’t always reply properly to them, but I don’t think that they think I’m horrible.
Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations.
Sort of. I’m not pre-occupied in all situations. I am in groups, like in my lectures or seminars for example. But it’s not too bad among my friends, admittedly there are only two people (plus my immediate family) that I can talk to with out any fear of them thinking I’m a complete retard. Often after I’ve said something I find myself thinking that what I’ve said is completely stupid, and that everyone now thinks I’m a moron. A lot of the time I have to plan out conversations in advance, or if I’m in a group conversation I spend a more time thinking about what I’m going to say than actually talking.
There are also other things I wasn’t sure where to put the main one being that people with AvPD often create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. I have a whole little world in my head, complete with its own laws, social rules, culture, religion, language. Everything’s there. I spend a lot of time playing through scenarios in that world, because in that world I am considerably better than I am here, and I can be who I want to be. I also spend a lot of time imagining meeting people, and things going really well with me feeling totally calm.
Ok, so that was considerably longer then I thought it would be, but it’s been playing on my mind for days, and I just needed to get it out. I’d be grateful to know what people think.
