telling people that I need them

[Scrabbl]

Why is it so hard to tell somebody that you need them?

For example if I want a friend to come along with me to do something or go some place. Instead of telling them straight up "I want to go do _____ with you" or especially "I'd really like it if you could go with me", I'd always try to convince them that it'd be fun from their standpoint like "come on dude you'll have fun, and plus, they've got free food", or "hey it's not like you're doing anything else tonight. You can only be a little boy once you know".

Or sometimes I make up an excuse so that it sounds like I need them to go with me as a favor, "I can't focus when I'm studying alone; i got no self control and I need somebody to supervise me".

Other times I'd even blurt out things that are mean: "all of my other friends (that's a lie - i have no other friends) are busy, that's why I'm asking you". -- ANYTHING but admitting that I really want that person's company. I have no clue why I do that. it really baffles me

 

[redski]

Could be your pride getting in the way?

 

[slicknsly]

I think you do it because who really wants to show affection or emotions? Its like saying dude I need you man and gonna miss you, lets hang out. Its much better to just be like come on man its going to be cool, lets chill. Maybe because you have no other friends you want to tell them you want to hang out with them specifically, but because they have other friends they can hang out with they dont see the same importance you do. Or maybe they just don't feel like hanging out sometimes as I feel often.

 

[reslo]

I think a lot of people are like that- whether or not they have sa, they just make excuses because expressing sappy emotions of gratitude can sometimes make things a little bit awkward.

I relate- it always seems impossible. For me, I have a hard time suggesting things or being the decision maker when it comes to what to do because I feel like everything I think is stupid- so even if they say ok, I feel bad that we're doing what I wanna do? And also, too, when you don't have a lot of close friends, the ones you do have/stick by you can mean the world.

I commend you, though, for taking initiative in social situations to reach out to people. I think that people who get to know you will probably understand after a while, that's how you operate, but it's ok to throw people a bone now and then. And maybe find a more comfortable (i.e. nonverbal) way to show appreciation by doing someone a favor, remembering something that they liked, or making something or helping them out next time with something.

as far as why, i think it has to do with being vulnerable.

 

[Dronee]

You can always say the truth without it sounding 'sappy'... 'Man, it's going to be boring without you.' Or somewhere along those lines. wait 2 secs to reload the image

 

[Darker Than Black]

I can't focus when I'm with people, so I study alone, if a friend want to study with me..they have to say at least 20-30 feet away....idk y...lol

 

[Scrabbl]

yeah thanks guys. what you said makes a lot sense. It's probably a combination of pride and fear of rejection. But I know guys who can express their feelings and I'm jealous of them. I'm tired of playing games.

 

[Scrabbl]

I can't focus when I'm with people, so I study alone, if a friend want to study with me..they have to say at least 20-30 feet away....idk y...lol

interesting. Moi, I have like zero attention span. when I study I'm easily distracted / bored and i end up procrastinating like posting on SPW . When I'm with people it forces me to focus on work 'cause I wouldn't want to make conversation with them (awkwardness) so I'd show them that I'm too busy to talk 'cause I'm doing homework. It's an interesting solution to my lack of self control / short attention span.

 

[Dronee]

yeah thanks guys. what you said makes a lot sense. It's probably a combination of pride and fear of rejection. But I know guys who can express their feelings and I'm jealous of them. I'm tired of playing games.

It may well be that they are jealous of you for NOT expressing your feelings.

 

[Why]

i do this as well, pride and fear for me