the stupid *** hand shake thing....

[txjeepin]

OK, so I am at college. I sufffer from ocd, anxiety, and SAD. I also have that BRG or BRD or whatever the abbreviations are for the body anxiety disorder. this is all diagnosed by my psychologist, not self-diagnosed.

At my school, people tend to do that stupid *****ing hand shake thing, you know, the "cool" way to shake hands where you do somethin fancy and shit. I am horrible at this crap. I hate it because I am no good at it! It just makes things akward and unbearable to have a conversation after you 'do the do'. plus I am just a little white kid (no offense).

I usually mess it up, or just do a regular hand shake and creep the people out. Thing is, I don't really want to touch someone's hand in the first place unless it is a formal introduction. Anyway, it is just frustrating. I hope you all know what I am talking about....if not Ill try to explain.

Today was just a really bad day for me. I feel like I cannot connect with anyone around me, even my family. I feel alone and the ONE person that I feel I can talk to is quite frankly tired of me, and my psychologist told me to not interact with her anymore. What is weird is my psychologist tells me to not talk to anyone that I currently know (i have told him about them and what they are like, he thinks they are the wrong people for me.

I know no one, and the few that I do know Im not supposed to know. I am getting really depressed because I just moved into college and I am finding it hard to adjusting. Sometimes I just want to end it all, but am afraid of suicide. I just wish I knew what was in the after life and what the consequences were for suicide. If there were none I would do it, cause I failed at living in this society.

now I know why some people are homeless. will that be me?

 

[hbanana11]

Whatever you do, DO NOT commit suicide..a lot of us think about it but please dont. There are a ton of people on here that are willing to help you if you need to talk your way through it, myself included. I understand how adjusting to college may be hard. I HATE change...its tough and its out of my comfort zone. But I always seem to survive, as im sure you will.

As for being homeless, i actually think about that sometimes because i feel so incapable of doing anything. But i feel it is sort of an irrational fear...i would be more scared of being homeless than getting a job or something.

Oh and about the handshake thing...you are not the only one who is horrible at it

 

[terrified]

Hi, txjeepin,

I read your post and I can't say I know how you feel but I could relate to a lot of your issues.

I'm not good with those kinds of things myself. When I was in 2nd grade in my elementary school in Korea, I got slapped by my teacher a lot because I was bad at dance steps. In Korea at the time, corporate punishment was allowed. She was the meanest teacher I ever had in my whole school career. I'm still not coordinated. She is probably one of the reason why.

Also, because I was molested as a child, I get creepy feeling when someone touch me in any ways. Sometime, I get creped out by my husband as well.

It's hard when you want to connect with people and yet you hate doing the very things that would help you connect with people. It keeps you lonely all the time.

As for suicide, just don't do it. You think there is something wrong with you and that you can't be helped. There is no hope for you. Everyone feels that way once in a while. In my case, I often feel that way, probably more than most people.

I'm telling you that there is nothing wrong with you. What is wrong is that you haven't learned how to manage your life so that you feel happy and feel connected with people. I understand that you have more than your share of issues to deal with. I'm very sorry about that.

However, as you get better managing your life better with your psychologist, you'll do better and you'll feel better.

I hope this helps a bit. I just want you to know that there are a lots of people like you all over the world and you are hardly alone in this.

 

[txjeepin]

thanks for the replies guys, they were really helpful. last night was just a bad night (i had a really bad anxiety attack that I was trying to surpress in a room crowded full of people my age) and I had come back to my room just feeling....really horrible about myself. I thought my world had just ended. I could feel the blood pumping in my head, my face was hot, i knew i looked flush (i blush) and my legs were trembling, along with my hands, so it wasn't a fun time for me.

today was a bit better but I am still horrible at greetings and such. I just feel so stupid sometimes. i wish my school had a group for SAD so we could help each other out. and what is even more depressing is that this isn't my first year of college, and I still feel extremely uncomfortable here.

what is even more frustrating is the stigma of SAD, no one wants to admit it, so there will never be a club here.