hellotherecj
New member
Hello. My name is CJ, and I'm a little confused at the moment.
I'll start off by saying I'm 15 years old and go to high school just like everybody else. The only problem is that my thoughts aren't quite like everybody else's. I am constantly thinking of how life would be if I were famous, if I had a different group of friends, or even if I had an illness such as cancer - mainly any way to gain attention or change how my life currently is. These thoughts basically consume my life and often sidetrack me. I've had them for years and never really found them to be a problem until now.
I am also very hard on myself. I'm constantly thinking about things I've said to people that they might have found "stupid", even from years ago. Most of the time I avoid social situations because I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I'm afraid to play for my old soccer team again because I once had a meltdown after I thought some of the teammates were talking about me behind my back. I used to love soccer, but lately I've lost interest in a lot of activities that I previously loved and excelled in. Also, I feel like nothing I do is good enough and am deadly afraid of the future because I have no idea how it will treat me.
One of my main problems, however, is that my opinions of people are constantly changing. I have a fair amount of friends at school. No best friends, however, just friends. But 90% of the time I just flat out hate them. The smallest things they do bother me. I think it may be that they aren't including me and it hurts me, but when someone calls me on the phone or wants to hang out I immediately look for an excuse not to go. I'd rather be alone, but at the same time I'd rather not be.
I think this may be AVPD and, if it is, I don't know how to let someone know so I can get help. There is a history of depression in my family [my mother currently suffers from it], but I don't feel as though I am depressed. All the help is appreciated!
I'll start off by saying I'm 15 years old and go to high school just like everybody else. The only problem is that my thoughts aren't quite like everybody else's. I am constantly thinking of how life would be if I were famous, if I had a different group of friends, or even if I had an illness such as cancer - mainly any way to gain attention or change how my life currently is. These thoughts basically consume my life and often sidetrack me. I've had them for years and never really found them to be a problem until now.
I am also very hard on myself. I'm constantly thinking about things I've said to people that they might have found "stupid", even from years ago. Most of the time I avoid social situations because I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I'm afraid to play for my old soccer team again because I once had a meltdown after I thought some of the teammates were talking about me behind my back. I used to love soccer, but lately I've lost interest in a lot of activities that I previously loved and excelled in. Also, I feel like nothing I do is good enough and am deadly afraid of the future because I have no idea how it will treat me.
One of my main problems, however, is that my opinions of people are constantly changing. I have a fair amount of friends at school. No best friends, however, just friends. But 90% of the time I just flat out hate them. The smallest things they do bother me. I think it may be that they aren't including me and it hurts me, but when someone calls me on the phone or wants to hang out I immediately look for an excuse not to go. I'd rather be alone, but at the same time I'd rather not be.
I think this may be AVPD and, if it is, I don't know how to let someone know so I can get help. There is a history of depression in my family [my mother currently suffers from it], but I don't feel as though I am depressed. All the help is appreciated!