Update #2 - Counseling, finally....

[BrownEyes]

I was at college today doing some paper work when all of a sudden I realized I was a few feet away from our counseling center. Like I have mentioned before I tried it once but I only lasted two sessions....

Anyways I decided to make an appointment once and for all. I did it and it was an okay experience. I was actually not nervous. The only bad thing was that when I went to make the appointment the secretary sort of laughed at me for seeking 'personal couseling'. When she called the counselor over the phone she laughed when she said the word 'personal'. Any other day I would have gotten offended or humiliated but I had just gotten out of work, from which I had done two presentations succesfully so I felt pretty confident. Still, just externally I feel that it was very rude and immature of her to think that someone seeking personal counseling is funny.

My appointment is Monday after work. I hope it helps me keep my job because I really need the money...

 

[Yossarian]

Hey, well done on going. Hope it helps.

Hmm, yeah that was incredibly rude, inconsiderate and totally unprofessional of that person to laugh like that.

Although maybe it wasn't what you thought. Maybe it's just me but I find the idea of personal counselling funny. Like what's the alternative? Impersonal counselling? Plus it does to a smutty, childish mind of mine contain some innuendo. Maybe that's why she was laughing?

I dunno but I'm glad you didn't feel humiliated. I would of got really angry (but not say anything of course). Maybe if she laughs again you should ask her if she will think it's so funny when she gets sacked for being unprofessional.

Anyway, good luck. Hope you stick with it, try not to let other people's problems get in the way of helping yours.

 

[BrownEyes]

Hey, well done on going. Hope it helps.

Thanks, I'm hoping the same!

Hmm, yeah that was incredibly rude, inconsiderate and totally unprofessional of that person to laugh like that.

Although maybe it wasn't what you thought. Maybe it's just me but I find the idea of personal counselling funny. Like what's the alternative? Impersonal counselling? Plus it does to a smutty, childish mind of mine contain some innuendo. Maybe that's why she was laughing?

I basically took it like this. The secretary was a young girl (maybe 20 or 21) and she is used to dealing with people that need counselling for things that deal with college and career goals. I'm also guessing she doesnt have real problems that screw up her life so to her, the thought of needing counselling seems funny. I dont know. I can think of reasons why not to get upset but just that fact that counselling is such a big thing (at least for me) it seemed kind of rude for someone to laugh at it....

I dunno but I'm glad you didn't feel humiliated. I would of got really angry (but not say anything of course). Maybe if she laughs again you should ask her if she will think it's so funny when she gets sacked for being unprofessional.

I was on a weird 'high' this afternoon because I was so happy that I had survived work! I was actually planning on mentioning it to my counselor. And well, she is her boss so maybe she will tell her something. I'd hate for another person like me, perhaps more easily embarrased, to have to deal with someone like that in a very personal/sensitive setting.

 

[Yossarian]

Well whatever her reasons for laughing, she was out of order. Like you say seeking counselling can be a massive step for someone to take. Her reaction is one reason alot of people are scared to seek help.

You should definately report it. She's there to do a job. if she doesn't give a shit about helping people them maybe someone else will. Although you took it well considering, others might not as you mentioned. Though personally I would do it out of spite, hehe.

 

[BrownEyes]

Update:

I went had my appointment and it was TERRIBLE.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I've been to the counselor's before and not really had a panic attack but this time I did. That secretary, the one I mentioned before was there. And she laughed at me again. This time I had come from work a little aggravated and very exhausted. I was stressed out and I felt so ugly. When she laughed at me, it like broke me. Instantly. I felt so weak, so helpless and all I wanted to do was cry. The worst part was when she told me I had to fill out papers, in plain view of everyone. I was literally on the verge of tears throughout the whole process.

I felt like running, if not away, at least to a restroom so I could cry. I felt so embarrased and humiliated. I wish I could have asked her why she looked at me that way and why she laughed AGAIN. But I couldnt say anything because I was so scared and humiliated. I felt so vulnerable being there, declaring that I needed help.

Then the counselor came to pick me up and we went into her office. She closed the door and asked me why I was there. I started shaking and then BAM!! I started crying! It was my first time EVER crying in front of an adult or a counselor. I felt SO humiliated.

*BUT* my counselor was SO nice, sweet, intelligent, beautiful, caring. She was like an angel. SO soft in the way she spoke and treated me.... When she looked at me I felt absolutely NO judgments, and thats strange because she was absolutely 100% judging me! Anyway, we talked for about an hour. And a couple of crying spells later she told me I had a SEVERE case of anxiety and that it was triggered uniquely and SOLELY upon my shockingly LOW-self esteem.

I was in such a panic state that she asked to see me again on wednesday. This was only supposed to be a one time a week thing but I really needed the help. The only thing I regret was not telling her about the secretary. I was really not anxious about seeing her, I actually WANTED to desperately have this meeting but because of this girl who humiliated me, I felt I hated the place and all I could think about was going some place to cry.

Anyway, I'm back home right now. I'm no longer anxious, angry, embarrased or anything really. I took a shower and I cried a lot. Not because of that sutpid secretary, I'm over that right now but just over my life. Then I got out and now I feel this calm serene feeling.

I cant wait for wednesday. I really do NEED this therapy.

 

[maggie]

good for you for going to appointment, and staying despite rude secretary!! i think she's in the wrong profession :roll: ..at least you are trying to get some help for yourself, something a lot of us can't do

 

[Yossarian]

Good to hear the actual counselling went well and that she was really cool. That's essential. Hopefully you've been through the worst with this secretary. Can't believe there are people like that. Good for you though, you should treat yourself as a reward.

 

[black_mamba]

Wow...good for you, I hope you keep this up.

Are you going to mention the rude staff to your counsellor, BrownEyes?

 

[BrownEyes]

Wow...good for you, I hope you keep this up.

Are you going to mention the rude staff to your counsellor, BrownEyes?

Yes, I did that. I really wouldnt have said anything if she would have done it was, but when she laughed at me twice, that was too much. The good thing was that on my second appointment (this week) that secretary was not at her desk when I went in. She was trying to fix the copying machine that seemed to be busted. So, another secretary greeted me and she was friendly. Because of this good start, I had enough courage to tell my counselor what happened. She became VERY angry. She told me that she didnt like that one bit. I told her it happened twice and I didnt want to get the secretary into trouble but that this wasnt the place for anyone to be laughed at because people here are trying to get help for things that are SERIOUSLY affecting their lives.

I don’t want this girl to get fired. I really don’t. But, I don’t want to see her there next week, at least not to greet me. When my days are good I cant take things like this, but most of my days are horrible and the littlest things tear me down…

The other great thing is that my counselor is actually the director of the entire branch at my college, meaning she has A LOT of power. She actually told me that if I wanted to get back into the medical program I was in (the one I dropped out because of my SA) that she could help me do that. I was shocked because I was told once you quit you can NEVER go back. But I guess if you have a good excuse, which I do, there is a way. The thing is, although I feel confident and brave alongside my counselor, I know that if I went back into the program my SA would become unbearable again. The program wasn’t just a place that scared me because of all the presentations, it was also a place that was littered with people that looked down on me and hated me. I would NEVER go back to that.

Anyway, overall I am so glad that I decided to give counseling a second chance. I really think my first experience with counseling was bad because the psychologist was a man. I think I felt 100 times more comfortable with a female.

 

[BrownEyes]

Also, a big thanks to those reading my experiences at the counseling center and giving me support. I really appreciate it. You guys empower me in a way that I cant even express. For example, I told my counselor about the secretary because so many of you guys here told me that my feelings about her being rude were valid and that you would have reported her. It was nice to feel that I wasnt just being 'sensitive'. I told my counselor and I do not regret it. I actually feel great knowing that I stood up for myself. So, thanks a lot. :lol:

 

[nickabcuk]

...

 

[BrownEyes]

Hey BrownEyes, Thanks for sharing your experiences, I've found these posts really interesting. I'm glad you've found a good counsellor that you can open up to, it's so important. I hope you get a lot out of it nd go on to achieve the things you want.

Nick. 8)

Thanks Nick. I just visited your SA site and it is wonderful. The two articles I just finished reading have motivated me so much! The article about where fear comes from was especially powerful. I had never thought about fear in those terms and I'm glad I now understand it more.

I really want to get better and everyday that I go to counseling or that I read a new article I just feel more and more confident that I can get over my SA.


BrownEyes

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hey browneyes, i went to my counseling center at my college but didn't really like the visits. plus they had so few people available that i couldn't hardly get an appointment in. plus the last time i went i was really down and needed someone to talk to. i get in there 30 min late b/c the counselor told me that she thought she scheduled me later than i really was and asked if the session could be short b/c of it and that she had someone coming in after me. she never really helped me out, more made small talk when i specifically had things i wanted advice on. but oh well, glad you like the person you're talking to minus the secretary (the first one at least). kudos to you for sticking up for yourself and hope things work out for you in the long run, you're doing a great job

 

[marc72]

yes

keep it up. Your desire to change is showing by going to counseling. Hopefully like you most of us who has a desire to go to counseling to TAKE that step like you. it is well worth it. WHen I go to therapy, I feel like i can tell a Professional something and not be judged and feel REAL with myself as oppose to hiding everything and keeping things in . Speaking to someone helps relives stress a bit and you feel validated. Hopefully if someone had a bad counseling or therapist sessions ..please do not give up try another therapist.
As ffor you BrownEyes. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wink: