Sabbath9, you wouldn't actually underwrite your first statement "CBT made me worse", would you? It didn't cure you, that constant debating yourself left you feeling exhausted at times but, overall, you are now glad you did it, right? I believe it is beneficial for everyone to learn to recognize the cognitive errors (= unhelpful thoughts).
For me, too, it was
very difficult to make the negative core beliefs to change. During my first decades, I had learned to think "I, other people, and the whole universe are lousy". I had to bomb that core belief with CBT for years before it changed into "I, other people, and the whole universe have done some bad things, but we have done many good things, too, and so overall I'd say we are OK". Wow! We are all OK! Me, too! That revelation made my depression go away. And it is a huge achievement I can say without hesitation, after decades of dark mood. CBT helped
me a lot. (Do notice: Low self-esteem and depression seem to be heavily linked.)
However, CBT did not make my social phobia go away. At least, not yet. There seems to be the core belief "I have some reason to fear other people" that still lingers in me. Maybe I have to bomb it with CBT for years and years, until it changes into "actually, I don't need to fear other people any more than they need to fear me" for good, and I can go out confidently and face other people on an equal footing.
Sabbath9 and Kayelle, thank you very much for bringing ACT into my knowledge. I haven't yet really immerged in it but it seems to be a great add to CBT. CBT and ACT could be a powerful combination. (Do notice: Every ism has something to give. Take what you need.)
In ACT I'm especially enthusiastic about "the mindfulness". I've encountered that term before but it always put me off as somehow too spiritual (maybe because English isn't my mother language, and I sensed the meaning of the word incorrectly). But, actually, "the mindfulness" seems to mean just, "Don't think so damn much! Live, instead!"
That is exactly what I've discovered through my own experiences. My theory is that
too conscious thinking overstrain the brain, quite mechanically, and that causes stress, fatigue, tension, anxiety, all kinds of harm, you name it.
When I'm able to hold my thinking in check and focus my attention from my thoughts to the outside world, I begin to feel better, gradually, after a day or two. Social phobia eases up, my posture straightens, my eyes get comfortable, my speech more fluent… The change is thoroughgoing. My conclusion: My brain rests and relaxes, I relax, my whole body relaxes.
The problem is that when I begin to feel good my mind (those damn thoughts) gets too active again, and it seems I can't do anything to stop it. I start to plan, organize, dream, build a better future in my mind, and of course, so much thinking leads to… The brain gets overloaded. Relaxation disappears. I get stressed. The problems are back. (Maybe this could be explanation for mood swings? I think I had
cyclothymia for decades. Based on my experiences I'd say cyclothymia is a form of depression, with ups and downs.)
Of course, it's difficult to hold thoughts in check, when you have a lot to think about. I couldn't have practiced the mindfulness very successfully when I was depressed and blamed myself, other people, and the whole universe for everything. CBT (or just CT = Cognitive Therapy) helped me to clear my mind, and now hopefully it will be easier for me to become mindful and relax.
I think Simplejack is speaking about the "mindfulness" in this:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/my-way-to-fix-social-phobia-17615/
And everyone, please do check Sabbath9's input
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/act-14150/ and that site he is promoting.
Some tips:
- It's beneficial to stay physically fit. Stretching helps your body to relax.
- Learn to breath properly. (Check that site I'm promoting at the beginning of this thread and see what they write about social phobia.)
- I liked meditation, though I don't it anymore because at the end I got bored. It's a good way to learn what the mindfulness means.
- If you have sleep problems or mood swings, try to keep your daily schedule as regular as possible. Go to bed and rise at the same time every day, if possible.
This was just my brief visit to SocialPhobiaWorld.com. I'm now returning to my other activities and probably won't respond to possible replies.
Thanks! Take care!