Was it OCD?

[JealousGuy12]

When I was younger, I went through a rough time where my stepfather at the time was physically abusive. After he left, I went through this phase where I would change my pajamas like 15-20 times because I thought if I wore a certain one to bed, someone I loved would die or something bad would happen. I used to sometimes put my contacts on and then take them off cause something in my head would tell me someone would die if I wore them. I would keep trying to put them back on and taking them off hoping the feeling would subside. There were a lot of other things like that that I would do. Even now I struggle with those thoughts but I dont let them stop me from doing anything anymore. Does it sound like OCD?

 

[reddeka]

sounds a lot like OCD to me. I used to/still do the same things. Out of nowhere I'll be doing something and I'll have a horrible thought that if I don't do it perfectly I will die or someone I love will die. It's hard to escape these thoughts but I try to tell myself that it IS just in my head and it IS ocd, therfor not real. I think it is a control thing, we obsess about things that are seemingly out of our control and try to control them through the compulsions. Try to submit to the idea that there's a lot of things out of our control and so worrying about them isn't going to change it one way or another. It's sort of scary but at the same time kind of comforting... knowing that OCD worrying is mostly trivial.

 

[JealousGuy12]

Thanks for the response. It sounded like it to me too but I hate to believe it. No one knows that I still have these thoughts. My mom thinks I got over it. It was hard for her to deal with me when I was younger. Im in my late 20's now and my OCD episodes started back when I was 11. I dont let it stop me most of the times but it does get to me and I have mild panic attacks because of them. Ill never let anyone know about it so its something I have to deal with for the rest of my life on my own. Its helps to speak on the forums though. Most days, I try to keep my brain busy by watching TV or staying on the computer. It helps but I wish it was easier to just sit in peace and quiet and not have these thoughts intrude.

 

[reddeka]

nooo! You are NOT alone in dealing with this. I felt exactly the same way from about age 10 to 16. I was ashamed of my OCD and I hid it from everyone. In conversation when someone brought up obsessive compulsive disorder I freaked out inside becuase I thought somehow I might admit to it and that would be the end of it. I finally told my mom when I was 16 that I had had it (it was much milder then) and now that I'm dealing with it again I don't have problems telling people I have OCD. And you shouldn't either!

If your mother won't support you then that is her loss, as hard as it seems. But know that you are not going to be alone in this anymore. Go to a therapist and then atleast you'll have one person to support you and that you can confide in. Please don't be ashamed to tell your friends or other family members that you have OCD. Most likely they will support you, and if not it's time for some better friends. Remember, we did not chose to have OCD so we shouldn't feel ashamed.