What in the hell is wrong with me

[Oz]

ok my SA is fucking wierd. When I am at school my SA is like horrible, I dont talk to people at all I get all retarded when I have to give speeches or talk in front of the class and stuff(I blush and all that good stuff). When people talk to me I get all wierd and stuff

Here is the messed up part though, at lunch at school and around my friends I am completely fine. no SA at all.

Also, I usually go to parties every other weekend or so. These parties have anywhere from 50-70 people. For whatever reason I have no SA at these parties and there is twice the amount of people there than I have in my classes. I can talk to just random people and be completely fine. This is while sober.

I just have no clue HOW this can be. I have bad SA at school in classes of 25-30 kids but i can be outgoing and "cool" at parties with double that. I mean wtf?!

 

[MadCat]

Schools and speeches are more formal aren't they?

In parties you can just do stupid things but in school it seems less accepted. Maybe your SA in school is based around expecting to be a more formal persons instead of some 5 year old little kid.

It's an educational enviroment, not a fun enviroment. There are more rules to follow and more stress. Looks like you have a fear of not being able to be passed as smart and sensible.

Expectations of school are much higher. Schools are more *professional* in a way. Make sense?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

yeah, speeches are more "professional". plus, i feel like when i'm doing a speech, it's just me! at parties, i'm ok because i feel like i can blend in. maybe this is how you feel, i don't know!
i was also able to work because of this, while i was at work, i represented a company, not myself. when i talked to people, i was an employee, not a person. is this a hit or miss?

 

[felix]

yeah i'm totally the same. I'm fine in normal social settings but in a classroom I just can't handle it at all. People used to comment on how different I am out of school. I don;t know why

 

[MadCat]

A learning enviroment is a more serious enviroment. You notice this and are fearful.

Maybe that's why?

 

[LilMissTragic]

Being in a crowd can make you invisible, thats the great thing about it. Of course your going to be more confident around your friends, you feel comfortable so you can relax and be yourself and when your in that state it makes it easier to talk to other people.

 

[Oz]

I wish I could act the way I act around my friends and stuff at school. people always tell me I am so cool and ask why i'm so quiet and stuff at school and I dont really have an answer for that. I just say I hate school.

 

[MadCat]

It's sad that we have to lie in order to not get a critcal or rejecting response from another person.

I blame society 25%, myself 25% and my father 50% for being like I am now. I hate it when people asked such stupid question like "Why don't you like talking to people?"..It was always WHY WHY WHY and no matter what answer I gave they continued to ask why..was driving me crazy!

Or the pointing of the finger to their friends. Ofcourse I am going to feel hurt and angered by that response. Being already at the state of avoiding people that just increased my isolation even more.

It's even more stupid when a person starts to question depression as if they want to care. Yeah right! I'm not saying everyone is like this, only people I have met in life. No wonder I am socially isolated.

 

[SomeGuy]

I love the classroom. Also, I have no problem at all in giving speaches in front of lots of people. It is social situations I can't deal with.

In a formal setting, I know that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. In a social setting, I don't even know if I should stay and try to keep the conversation going, or go away and give the other person some relief from having to endure me.