carl
Member
Hi yall,
I've been a shy guy all my life, but only recently discovered that I'm a SAD person. I've noticed this as I had previously devised my own mental barriers to keep my mind pre occupied with other things i.e. primarily football (playing myself, player stats., news almost to the extent of savantism. :roll
, basketball, studying, pc, playing on my guitar.
My problem started with the fact that we moved a lot when I was younger (abroad). Which made it difficult for me to connect to people. From a social perspective I've always thought of myself as being socially retarded or something 8O , but I simply learned to ignore that part of myself, which told me I was inferior to others. I managed to teach myself how to act, by simply mimicking behaviour I deemed I would gain the social confirmation, affirmation and approval I needed to be accepted by my peers. Being a 'fake' person made got me a lot of 'friends' during high school. I never had any problems making friends this way. I was never ostracized by people, eventhough I felt very awkward. On the other hand I did try to mix in parts of myself into the 'act'. I am very laid, back and try to remain calm and tranquil and never really tried to be cool, but rather friendly. A lot of the older kids would come up to me, when they had a problem and I was just generally liked. Although I just never felt good about myself as I felt that I was merely lying to myself and others.
I often felt like I was from a different planet as I used to have so many interests. I liked reading classic literature, was interested in socio cultural issues, languages and had a keen interest in medicine. l even skipped a grade, but when my final year came my father moved again and left us behind in order for me to finish my last year. I could not deal with the pressure and started to shut off from all my 'friends'. Eventhough I failed my exams miserably, I was still (provisionally) admitted to uni.
At uni things went pretty sour. I had to move back to my country and in addition to acclimatising to home again I continued to 'act' and you can only take an act so far before people find out who you really are, i.e. superficially and initially confident but eventually painfully shy and embarassed for no particular reason. I was 17 (too young) and felt completely lost and by myself.
Many painful experiences since have been the cause of my current state. I have no friends and lost my interest in the aforementioned hobbies. I am still in uni at the age of 25 (major issue for me, wanted to be finished 3 yrs ago, quit for a while as well), because when I go to lectures I cannot concentrate on the material, but am only concerned with what other people may think of me. (btw. Sorry about telling you my life story it probably seems off the point and very familiar to most of you, but I'd just like for you to understand the full scope of my problems).
Another problem, however, I feel I have always had with my SAD problem an which seriously undermines my self esteem, is that girls keep coming up to me and talk to me (I know this does not necessarliy sound like a problem ). I always try and remain calm and say hello and smile at them sincerely when passing them by in the corridors or before class and talk to them as well. Always keeping it superficial and 'safe'. However, after a few hi's comes the next step: a date 8O. What surprises me again and again is that women ask ME out (emancipation?) and that I (knowing what will happen) always say yes. It always takes them about one date to find out I'm not what I appear to be and I have therefore slowly, but surely been losing hope that I will ever get the knack of it (dating). What ever happened to the traditional way in which the guy is supposed to ask the girl out?
A typical date will look like this: It always starts out well, when I put on the charm, but after a while the insecurities set in and I can usually see them thinking 'he where'd he go?'. At those moments I'm usually heavily thinking about what the next step would be and seem/feel somber. It is almost like being hit by a wave and it feels like I am drowning. I can't speak or think and I generally just blush and get embarassed. Sometimes when I see the puzzled look on their faces, when I'm in my Rodin thinker pose, I laugh at myself for drifting off like that. More often than that though I just get very angry at myself for allowing my insecurities to get the better of me. :x My mood changes and I seem angry and annoyed. Girls can get very insecure about those sort of things, especially when I don't call them or stop talking to them after I've had a panic attack (not because I dislike them, but because of SAD). They usually take that very personally, which I can understand.
I realize a lot of you might advise me to just be myself and stop acting like I'm feeling alright, the problem is I like the way I am when I'm acting this way. I'm able to make a girl laugh and can often see there's a connection between us. I can just never keep it up for very long though. It's just too exhausting. I guess my problem is that I don't want to be a downer and say something like 'haha alright well on a serious note I've got problems'. They usually find that out by themselves around half an hour later anyways though, but I just can't bring myself to say 'I get a little anxious sometimes' or 'I'm nervous' in order to take the pressure off. My experience with girls is such that I usually don't end up calling girls after a date, or I'll say that I'll call them and I never do. Girls don't like that. They hate it (and me). It makes THEM feel insecure, whereas I'm the one who is in fact insecure. I've just given up. The girls haven't though they still keep coming up to me (what the hell is wrong with them, can't they see I'm screwed up). I have read a lot of posts and realize that some of you might think that this is a luxury problem, but it isn't. I feel like I would like to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground at these moments, as it is utterly humiliating. At least most of you know what your problems are and try to avoid situations like this. I just keep running full speed, head first into the same wall! I feel like half a man . Especially when a girl is giving me the look that says 'come talk to me' and I can't, because I know I'll mess it up. Should I stop being nice to them? Why can't they just leave me alone? PLEASE HELP ME!
I've been a shy guy all my life, but only recently discovered that I'm a SAD person. I've noticed this as I had previously devised my own mental barriers to keep my mind pre occupied with other things i.e. primarily football (playing myself, player stats., news almost to the extent of savantism. :roll
, basketball, studying, pc, playing on my guitar. My problem started with the fact that we moved a lot when I was younger (abroad). Which made it difficult for me to connect to people. From a social perspective I've always thought of myself as being socially retarded or something 8O , but I simply learned to ignore that part of myself, which told me I was inferior to others. I managed to teach myself how to act, by simply mimicking behaviour I deemed I would gain the social confirmation, affirmation and approval I needed to be accepted by my peers. Being a 'fake' person made got me a lot of 'friends' during high school. I never had any problems making friends this way. I was never ostracized by people, eventhough I felt very awkward. On the other hand I did try to mix in parts of myself into the 'act'. I am very laid, back and try to remain calm and tranquil and never really tried to be cool, but rather friendly. A lot of the older kids would come up to me, when they had a problem and I was just generally liked. Although I just never felt good about myself as I felt that I was merely lying to myself and others.
I often felt like I was from a different planet as I used to have so many interests. I liked reading classic literature, was interested in socio cultural issues, languages and had a keen interest in medicine. l even skipped a grade, but when my final year came my father moved again and left us behind in order for me to finish my last year. I could not deal with the pressure and started to shut off from all my 'friends'. Eventhough I failed my exams miserably, I was still (provisionally) admitted to uni.
At uni things went pretty sour. I had to move back to my country and in addition to acclimatising to home again I continued to 'act' and you can only take an act so far before people find out who you really are, i.e. superficially and initially confident but eventually painfully shy and embarassed for no particular reason. I was 17 (too young) and felt completely lost and by myself.
Many painful experiences since have been the cause of my current state. I have no friends and lost my interest in the aforementioned hobbies. I am still in uni at the age of 25 (major issue for me, wanted to be finished 3 yrs ago, quit for a while as well), because when I go to lectures I cannot concentrate on the material, but am only concerned with what other people may think of me.
(btw. Sorry about telling you my life story it probably seems off the point and very familiar to most of you, but I'd just like for you to understand the full scope of my problems). Another problem, however, I feel I have always had with my SAD problem an which seriously undermines my self esteem, is that girls keep coming up to me and talk to me (I know this does not necessarliy sound like a problem
). I always try and remain calm and say hello and smile at them sincerely when passing them by in the corridors or before class and talk to them as well. Always keeping it superficial and 'safe'. However, after a few hi's comes the next step: a date 8O. What surprises me again and again is that women ask ME out (emancipation?) and that I (knowing what will happen) always say yes. It always takes them about one date to find out I'm not what I appear to be and I have therefore slowly, but surely been losing hope that I will ever get the knack of it (dating). What ever happened to the traditional way in which the guy is supposed to ask the girl out? A typical date will look like this: It always starts out well, when I put on the charm, but after a while the insecurities set in and I can usually see them thinking 'he where'd he go?'. At those moments I'm usually heavily thinking about what the next step would be and seem/feel somber. It is almost like being hit by a wave and it feels like I am drowning. I can't speak or think and I generally just blush and get embarassed.
Sometimes when I see the puzzled look on their faces, when I'm in my Rodin thinker pose, I laugh at myself for drifting off like that. More often than that though I just get very angry at myself for allowing my insecurities to get the better of me. :x My mood changes and I seem angry and annoyed. Girls can get very insecure about those sort of things, especially when I don't call them or stop talking to them after I've had a panic attack (not because I dislike them, but because of SAD). They usually take that very personally, which I can understand. I realize a lot of you might advise me to just be myself and stop acting like I'm feeling alright, the problem is I like the way I am when I'm acting this way. I'm able to make a girl laugh and can often see there's a connection between us. I can just never keep it up for very long though. It's just too exhausting. I guess my problem is that I don't want to be a downer and say something like 'haha alright well on a serious note I've got problems'. They usually find that out by themselves around half an hour later anyways though, but I just can't bring myself to say 'I get a little anxious sometimes' or 'I'm nervous' in order to take the pressure off. My experience with girls is such that I usually don't end up calling girls after a date, or I'll say that I'll call them and I never do. Girls don't like that. They hate it (and me). It makes THEM feel insecure, whereas I'm the one who is in fact insecure. I've just given up. The girls haven't though they still keep coming up to me (what the hell is wrong with them, can't they see I'm screwed up). I have read a lot of posts and realize that some of you might think that this is a luxury problem, but it isn't. I feel like I would like to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground at these moments, as it is utterly humiliating. At least most of you know what your problems are and try to avoid situations like this. I just keep running full speed, head first into the same wall! I feel like half a man
. Especially when a girl is giving me the look that says 'come talk to me' and I can't, because I know I'll mess it up. Should I stop being nice to them? Why can't they just leave me alone? PLEASE HELP ME! 
