Three things that help me break Social Anxiety

Sup

The three things I like to think about when I feel that I'm dwelling on every detail on how I've acted in daily situations are...

1. Nobody cares, everybody forgets - Over 95% of times people forget what you've said or done the previous day, even if it's a juicy screw-up or if you've been rejected. Do this little experiment - ask somebody if they remember a random screw-up of yours from a month ago. Chances are, they'll try hard to remember and it'll take a lot of time. This means one obvious thing - you're not the center of the universe. People don't think about you and the way you think you screwed up all the time. It's in your head only.

2. Everybody dies, even the famous ones are forgotten. A really sweet one. Think of the last 5 nobel prize winners, explorers, inventors. See? I don't even know who they are either. Insignificance. You're so insignificant that no matter what you do, it'll never mean anything universally. Once you die, it's over. You only live once in this body, why do you have to shackle yourself like that? I like this demotivator - link. I know, depressing...

3. There's 1.5 billion people having it worse than you at any time. Seriously, try googling the most common diseases/disabilities people all over the world have to deal with every day. Cancer? Diabetes? Paralysis? Autism, OCD, High blood pressure, Obesity, Drug addiction... What about poverty, jail time, death of a loved one? It personally makes me feel like a laughable whiny bitch who has a difficulty choosing between two million-dollar outfits, compared to what these folks have to live with.

So what are your 3 SA breakers?

My theory is that if it helps you to remind yourself of those things, then you don't really have SA. You're just self-conscious. Lucky you.

You should have seen me a few years ago. I was in a class of 20 people for 5 years and NEVER spoke to 17 of them...

lol What about those of us here who might have also autism and/or OCD etc? Or any other things? These things are not mutually exclusive, you know!

Maybe just a thought to keep in mind (for the book also). I know what you tried to say though, love the ideas, and I like the demotivator!

Some people around me do remember things, some forget, it depends.. It has helped me to say to myself everybody is usually way too focused on own problems to even give much thought about me, hehe.. And usually they're way too happy to just talk about themselves or things that interest them, to ask or think much about what I've been doing etc.

Sometimes it's easy to get too into the 'omg what did this look/conversation/attitude mean' or 'what do they expect from me' or such, when there are billions of stars/solar systems/people out there... And we're really just small like ants in comparison to it all.. Thanks for the reminder...

I kinda consciously know these things, sometimes it can be easy to forget and just focus on the 'negative self-talk' or such... (especially 1x a month lol...) It helps me to tell myself it's 'that time of month' too (when it is) or it's just 'OCD/ADD/hyperfocusing on the neg. thoughts/events etc.', hehe... or remember to eat right/eat something... or to help or cheer up someone...

1. Running and the art of mindfullness. I get lost in the world of the run and the race. I don't suffer from anxiety in those worlds. I find brief moments of pure happiness when I cross the line from pain and doubt to pure joy.

2. The pursuit of happy ever nows. The happy ever nows are moments that keep me in the dream end of my "dream-nightmare oscillation index." They are the distractions that take my mind away from anxiety. They are the pinch myself to make they are true moments, I've had lots of these in the last few years.

3. History's soothing hand When I am in Sydney surrounded by all that history I am soothed by it. I am just one of the billions that battling through this life, and the billions to come. My fears and failing seem insiginificant in that context.

former-agoraphobic said:

You should have seen me a few years ago. I was in a class of 20 people for 5 years and NEVER spoke to 17 of them...

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.........

A lot of people are like that in high school. It doesn't mean you're agoraphobic.

You're right. Those are good. I try to think forward whenever I'm struggling in a situation, such as when I'm walking through the town. I think about how I'm going to spend the day, or if it's a situation like buying something from a store, I think about how good I'll feel for getting out of there WITH the thing I went in for and when I'm going to use it. These things sometimes help, even if just in the short-term. I can remind myself now that there's nothing inherently scary about doing the things I'm afraid of, and each time I feel a little better about having to do it. I wasn't scared of going to school or college. I did that 1300+ times. I was scared of giving presentations - we did that two or three times. I'm scared of buying things from shops - I've done that three times. I know that it gets a little easier each time. If I did 1300+ presentations I think I'd have realised by now that there really is nothing to be afraid of. It's this thought that is getting me through things right now. And again, you're right. I'm insignificant. People forget.

I think the counsellor scared some of the anxiety out of me by turning dealing with it into homework, anyhow.

So you're new here, and I don't know you, obviously. (Welcome!) Where would you say you're at now, in how anxious you get? Is it okay for me to ask that? You have posted some interesting points in this thread and your other thread, so I would be interested to know how it's worked out for you.

Kiwong said:

1. Running and the art of mindfullness. I get lost in the world of the run and the race. I don't suffer from anxiety in those worlds. I find brief moments of pure happiness when I cross the line from pain and doubt to pure joy.

2. The pursuit of happy ever nows. The happy ever nows are moments that keep me in the dream end of my "dream-nightmare oscillation index." They are the distractions that take my mind away from anxiety. They are the pinch myself to make they are true moments, I've had lots of these in the last few years.

3. History's soothing hand When I am in Sydney surrounded by all that history I am soothed by it. I am just one of the billions that battling through this life, and the billions to come. My fears and failing seem insiginificant in that context.

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These are great too.

Niteowl, was that directed at me or the person you quoted?

I suppose since you mentioned "new" and the quoted guy has 2000+ posts...

At worst, I used to be severely anti-social to the point of having no other contacts other than my two parents and a couple of "friends" whom I used to make fun of and criticize constantly But I've always controlled SA and directed it the way I wanted... You could say I chose to be alone, I didn't want to socialize and be fed other people's bullsh*t.

I'm aware that most SA sufferers can't control it. Well, there are things I still don't have control over too, like walking in crowds and panicking that they can read my thoughts. And then I'd get these really shocking thoughts just because of the anxiety Kinda like Tourettes syndrome but without pronouncing anything... Quiet tourettes, simply put.

I thought this behavior and coldness of mine would keep people away but it actually attracted them even more... Then it got looser and there was a period where I just didn't want to start friendships because I had nothing to say, nothing to contribute with. However I let people approach me. Only then would I proceed - if somebody else approached. Then I'd feel... significant enough.

The SA male behavior makes you look weird. Or at least that's how girls talked about me.
I find it interesting enough to mention that this is not the case with SA girls however. Their coldness and shyness makes them look more "preserved" and innocent because they don't socialize that much.

Another weird phenomenon that I've observed is that a non-neglectable number of hot girls that I know have social anxiety and I've won their sympathies by just approaching them. One girl in particular was frustrated of guys who were terrified of a "hot girl" and the fact that she was giving away the vibe of a cold dominating bitch That girl really wanted to get rid of SA already and take advantage of her hotness

She was actually pretty cute and I told her "well you've got enough guys clenching their teeth in fear, I just want to see the reason."

"Were you born in January?" is also a brilliant ice-breaker and as weird as it may sound, a LOT of girls born in January may have SA symptoms without really suffering from the disorder. A good and really awkward fast trust-gainer. Well, too much information. I'm hitting the pillow.