Tips on overcoming SP?

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Harbinger

Member
Im struggling a lot, I feel really alone. I try to stay positive but I can't. And now my best friend is ignoring me and never wants to go out anywhere with me and I don't know why she ignores me(hurts since I see when she posts pictures of her going out with her friends). I can't stand this pain, whenever things seem to be getting better it never lasts. I need to beat this. I can't enjoy anything anymore. Sucks since I really like talking to people.

:eek:h: Moving on from that...so what do guys do to stay strong? Anyone got tips on how to get better?
 
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nicole1

Well-known member
I live with it. I stopped fighting it, accepted it. That's made some things easier. I now just look for alternatives to enhance my life and to making things easier to deal with. Like work and social life. If I can take going out, I will go. If I can't, I won't. Simple as that.
 
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Harbinger

Member
nicole1 said:
I live with it. I stopped fighting it, accepted it. That's made some things easier. I now just look for alternatives to enhance my life and to making things easier to deal with. Like work and social life. If I can take going out, I will go. If I can't, I won't. Simple as that.
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I can't accept it, I know how I really am and I just can't accept this.
 
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nicole1

Well-known member
What's normal to you? And do you think that "normal" people are happy? I think self-acceptance helps you to focus on other things in life, and to actually build on your life rather than be stuck in the cycle of trying to fix yourself.
 
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Harbinger

Member
nicole1 said:
What's normal to you? And do you think that "normal" people are happy? I think self-acceptance helps you to focus on other things in life, and to actually build on your life rather than be stuck in the cycle of trying to fix yourself.
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Well first off, there is no "normal" we are all weird in our own unique way. :bigsmile:

And second, the guy that I become when I hang out with my cousins, the charismatic funny guy, that's who I am. Im not a loner or a shy guy. I like to talk and help people, make them laugh and just be overly nice to people. Not being able to be myself makes me miserable. I have so much to say, but im limited by my own mind. The only person that made me step up and improve a bit was my best friend, but she is ignoring me and it's like my motivation is gone again.

I know I can beat this, the day I accept this loner, shy, antisocial impostor that controls me is the day I would give up on who I really am.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
Harbinger said:
Not being able to be myself makes me miserable. I have so much to say, but im limited by my own mind.

...the day I accept this loner, shy, antisocial impostor that controls me is the day I would give up on who I really am.
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I feel the exact same way. When I'm comfortable I laugh a lot, joke, act playful, voice my opinions, and so on. When my social anxiety is present it's like I'm a completely different person.
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
Harbinger said:
Anyone got tips on how to get better?
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One of the biggest things that helped me was learning to shift my focus. When I was around people or in conversation my focus used to always be on myself; the way I appeared, the way I spoke, whether I was stuttering. And I was also looking for signs that other's were thinking badly of me too. But then I began to shift my focus onto the actual content of the conversation. If someone asked me a question, I would think about my answer to that question and say it, and I would block my mind from thinking about whether I was saying my answer shakily or with confidence and all that other stuff. I continuously reminded myself of what was important. That whether I'm blushing, or whether my voice quivers, or whether I make little mistakes when I try to speak, etc, none of that really matters, so long as I communicate what I want to say eventually.

I also began to realise the power of our thoughts in general, and how important it is to think positive and kind thoughts to ourselves, and to be fair and rational with our thoughts. I used to beat myself up unfairly in my mind and I wasn't helping myself. But being softer and more calm in my mind and focusing on what's important, has helped me a lot.
 
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Harbinger

Member
worrywort said:
One of the biggest things that helped me was learning to shift my focus. When I was around people or in conversation my focus used to always be on myself; the way I appeared, the way I spoke, whether I was stuttering. And I was also looking for signs that other's were thinking badly of me too. But then I began to shift my focus onto the actual content of the conversation. If someone asked me a question, I would think about my answer to that question and say it, and I would block my mind from thinking about whether I was saying my answer shakily or with confidence and all that other stuff. I continuously reminded myself of what was important. That whether I'm blushing, or whether my voice quivers, or whether I make little mistakes when I try to speak, etc, none of that really matters, so long as I communicate what I want to say eventually.

I also began to realise the power of our thoughts in general, and how important it is to think positive and kind thoughts to ourselves, and to be fair and rational with our thoughts. I used to beat myself up unfairly in my mind and I wasn't helping myself. But being softer and more calm in my mind and focusing on what's important, has helped me a lot.
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That's good advice, im gonna try, althought it's never easy.
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
nicole1 said:
What's normal to you? And do you think that "normal" people are happy? I think self-acceptance helps you to focus on other things in life, and to actually build on your life rather than be stuck in the cycle of trying to fix yourself.
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normal people are much happier than we are..if i had to take a guess..self acceptance only got me so far the it almost backfired on me..
 
H

Harbinger

Member
bsammy said:
normal people are much happier than we are..if i had to take a guess..self acceptance only got me so far the it almost backfired on me..
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Yeah I can't just accept that some mental problem is limiting me without doing everything I can and more to change it.
 
spirited7

spirited7

Member
i thought i would never be able to overcome SA. It wasnt until i lost the one guy i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with that i realised it was really becoming a problem and i should be doing something about it. I am very fortunate enough to still have him in my life and we have talked about the reasons behind our split and what not. He opened up to me and said that he just wanted to see me grow. He wanted to see me overcome it on my own so it was no longer holding me back. He wanted me to be able to make friends or introduce me to people without me standing there quiet. And now i am determined to do something about it. And the best thing to overcome it is to face your fears. I have been reading the book The Shyness and Social Anxiety workbook by Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson which talks about overcoming fears step-by-step which i think everyone who reads this may benefit from. I really hope you find the answers you are looking for and all the best :)
 
StandingJelly

StandingJelly

Well-known member
That sounds like my story, I had a best friend who started to ignore me for some reason, which they never confronted to me about. You know the story.

Anyway, that was back long time ago, and it has affected me. You really just have to move on and try to make other friends. Eventually, maybe your friend will try to make up to you (maybe they realised they're wrong, maybe they see you've changed), but really it won't be the same anymore.

I don't have any particular tips on staying strong, but if you're strong, you don't need to care what other people think, do what you want as long it doesn't hurt anyone. If you have something to say, don't hold it back. If you're strong you're not afraid to be judged, because what is important is you. Don't be distracted by what other people are doing. Focus on the now and focus on improving yourself.

I'm still having problems, but what I'm doing is improve my life in all areas, exercise, read books, hobbies, doing what I love, sleep and eat properly, etc. At least now, I will have a reason to be strong.
 
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