tired of people

noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
I've spent a long time feeling inferior and not attractive because of how people have treated me and i'm trying really hard to get over it. I can't get professional help i'm doing it myself reading self help books, reading stuff online and i thought i was doing good but past few days i've been really annoyed and upset. I have been looking as best as i could actually believing i looked good which i've never done and i forced myself to go out and it's been really sad the response i get from people. I have a hard time looking at people but i do my what i could. I cannot tell you how many nasty looks i get for no reason, it's not my imagination and i dress normally there is nothing about me that could make people respond negatively to me. I get ignored by guys or when they do look its a quick look or a dirty look like i'm not good enough. The girls all give me mean bitch faces and think their better. I was trying to ignore all this but doing what i have been told to get over sp but it gets hard when you are treated constantly like your ugly. Today i went out real quick it's rainy and i just wore a sweat shirt with a hood and i really didn't want to be bothered but this lady gave me this nasty look like she was gonna idk laugh and it wasnt my imagination and no one was with her. I'm really angry i don't understand why i cannot go out on a shitty day without someone having a problem. I want to go out and not be put in a mood because im a spectacle they everyone has to make fun of me. I want to go out have fun like everyone else but i get noticed and it's sad. I feel they think i'm ugly that's how they act but i dont think i am i really dont it took a long time to be able to say that so im not being narcisstic. I dress nicely and i dont get why no matter how i feel about myself no one like me and no guys find me attractive. I live in a town where ugly conceited girls are considered pretty and thats no out of jealousy its true not only that but htey are full of themselves mean and think their better but i get pissed because i know i'm better than them in every way i let them think they're better too long now i realize they're not. I think it's sad how no guy thinks im pretty and how people go out of their way to make me feel inferior and im tired of being stuck missing out on everything because everyone has a problem it has made me hate everyone and i'm so angry. If anyone has any advice that would be helpful sorry for rant.
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Well since you cannot control what people think or what they do with their faces, the best option you have is to shrug it... It's not like it's any of your problem what they think anyway is it? You have the right to exist out there in the world as much as anyone else, regardless of what you look like and what you're wearing.

(By the way, I am aware this attitude is not that easy to adopt, but if you keep reminding yourself of it, I think at some point you will realize it's true and stop worrying so much about random people's opinion of you.)
 
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grapevine

grapevine

Well-known member
Your writing sounds very similar to mine. After ages of neglecting my appearance and not going out I actually started to do the opposite. I thought at the time - over leaps and bounds of getting thru a lot of the image and body insecurities I had; from wearing clothes I never would in the past, losing a heap of weight, talking to an actual guy..
All those changes happened in such a short time and for a moment I felt on top of the world. But I never got anything nice said to me - despite being open and friendly and nice - the changes I made were massive and not even mum said a thing. So it kind of spurred my insecurities again and then even the guy I liked basically I'm no match to his perfect beauty image of a woman. Which hurt.
I understand going out and people giving you looks - I think the thing that may bring you comfort is that most people are really only thinking about themselves and their lives. Also I think it pays to try to remember anything nice said to you in your past and re- affirm that. I'm probably not the best to give advice atm but you're not alone .
 
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noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
Thank you both for replies, i always think why do strangers care so much that they have to stare down or give a dirty look to a stranger. I just want to go out do what i want without such negative people.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
"I live in a town where ugly conceited girls are considered pretty and thats no out of jealousy its true not only that but htey are full of themselves mean and think their better"

Are we living in the same town?...lol!
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
You know there's a lot of reasons why someone might give you a funny look other than them not finding you attractive. Some people will get mad if you break simple unwritten social rules. Like I had my professor's secretary finally corner me a few weeks ago mad at me because I don't speak to her when walking into the office. I felt it was unnecessary to engage her in conversation, but apparently she found this to be rude. She could have just instead given me a nasty look, and left me questioning what was wrong with me. Ive talked to female friends (who are really good looking) but guys think they're stuck up because they're shy and rarely smile or talk. Their aloof personality is mistaken for smugness. I've had a guy at work tell me to my face "when I first met you, I thought you were an a-hole" and he came this conclusion even though I had hardly spoken to him!

TL;DR - people tend to make a lot of assumptions about quiet people and a lot of them arent good.
 
morrowrd

morrowrd

Active member
noonecares86 said:
I've spent a long time feeling inferior and not attractive because of how people have treated me and i'm trying really hard to get over it. I can't get professional help i'm doing it myself reading self help books, reading stuff online and i thought i was doing good but past few days i've been really annoyed and upset. I have been looking as best as i could actually believing i looked good which i've never done and i forced myself to go out and it's been really sad the response i get from people. I have a hard time looking at people but i do my what i could. I cannot tell you how many nasty looks i get for no reason, it's not my imagination and i dress normally there is nothing about me that could make people respond negatively to me. I get ignored by guys or when they do look its a quick look or a dirty look like i'm not good enough. The girls all give me mean bitch faces and think their better. I was trying to ignore all this but doing what i have been told to get over sp but it gets hard when you are treated constantly like your ugly. Today i went out real quick it's rainy and i just wore a sweat shirt with a hood and i really didn't want to be bothered but this lady gave me this nasty look like she was gonna idk laugh and it wasnt my imagination and no one was with her. I'm really angry i don't understand why i cannot go out on a shitty day without someone having a problem. I want to go out and not be put in a mood because im a spectacle they everyone has to make fun of me. I want to go out have fun like everyone else but i get noticed and it's sad. I feel they think i'm ugly that's how they act but i dont think i am i really dont it took a long time to be able to say that so im not being narcisstic. I dress nicely and i dont get why no matter how i feel about myself no one like me and no guys find me attractive. I live in a town where ugly conceited girls are considered pretty and thats no out of jealousy its true not only that but htey are full of themselves mean and think their better but i get pissed because i know i'm better than them in every way i let them think they're better too long now i realize they're not. I think it's sad how no guy thinks im pretty and how people go out of their way to make me feel inferior and im tired of being stuck missing out on everything because everyone has a problem it has made me hate everyone and i'm so angry. If anyone has any advice that would be helpful sorry for rant.
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The thing about people like us, we see the world differently than the world sees us. Things very possibly might not be as bad as they seem, just appears to look bad because of our contaminated perspective.

As difficult as this probably sounds, you're going to have to learn to partition yourself. It's an age old survival skill used by victims of abuse, partitioning allows you to create who you are going to be and act like while out and about. Consider her your "other self" and use that other self as a school of life. Troubleshoot what goes right and what goes wrong while you figure out how to behave and act socially. I recommend the book by Suzette Hayden Elgin "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" - you will learn how to recognize and defend against sarcasm and other verbal aggression. (Learn to recognize it as well)
 
noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
Today i went out again and same thing happened it don't matter what i do it's really sad and the thing is i could be with 8 people and all of them making stupid funny faces and i would still be the person noticed. I just want to punch people i feel that would make me really feel good about myself. I don't know how to get out of this. I go through day to day feeling inferior and sad and it's not right. I want to be happy and live my life but people make it impossible. I'm in late 20's i've never even had a boyfriend and i want one but i don't think that will ever happen. I know no guys find me attractive i don't understand it. I go out just on a defensive feeling that everyone is against me, and i see no nice people, people are not nice to be i feel everyone hates me i see no postiveness from anyone. People i talk to don't understand they think i make it up and it makes me even more annoyed. I want to like myself i want to have a guy i want to be liked i want happiness it's just not right.

morrowrd- i see your from NY me too maybe you understand how people are. I will see if i could find that book. I would like to believe people really aren't doing this to me but i find it hard when i see them look at me right in face. I would try what you said but i don't know, people in NY are the worst.
 
morrowrd

morrowrd

Active member
noonecares86 said:
Today i went out again and same thing happened it don't matter what i do it's really sad and the thing is i could be with 8 people and all of them making stupid funny faces and i would still be the person noticed. I just want to punch people i feel that would make me really feel good about myself. I don't know how to get out of this. I go through day to day feeling inferior and sad and it's not right. I want to be happy and live my life but people make it impossible. I'm in late 20's i've never even had a boyfriend and i want one but i don't think that will ever happen. I know no guys find me attractive i don't understand it. I go out just on a defensive feeling that everyone is against me, and i see no nice people, people are not nice to be i feel everyone hates me i see no postiveness from anyone. People i talk to don't understand they think i make it up and it makes me even more annoyed. I want to like myself i want to have a guy i want to be liked i want happiness it's just not right.

morrowrd- i see your from NY me too maybe you understand how people are. I will see if i could find that book. I would like to believe people really aren't doing this to me but i find it hard when i see them look at me right in face. I would try what you said but i don't know, people in NY are the worst.
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While it's true, people are friendlier the more south you go, NY isn't the most unfriendly. And, I have a tendency to believe that if the problem is inside, it will follow you no matter where in the world you travel. There is a saying I live by, "fix the within, and you fix the without." Meaning, the world responds to our behavior, and if we are our own worst enemy, putting ourselves down, walking around eyes wide open in fear...waiting for other shoes to drop, guess what's going to happen? Yep, that which we fear the most, we bring it into reality.

What you need to consider is a life plan, a "personal reform" and start working on little areas you want to improve. If you're overweight and out of shape, start eating right and creating a workout plan. Learn some discipline, it will help you in the big picture and make you feel better about yourself. Read that book I suggested, or find another book on communication so you can learn how to navigate in the social environments you're involved with. Next, create your "emotional defense grid" like I mentioned, learning to partition yourself which will protect the inner you. (solid boundaries)

Devote your life to trying to reinvent yourself. I myself was in my own pit from childhood into my twenties, and created my own personal reform. It took me 10 years, and when I was about 42, I liked where I was in life. I lost alot of friends, actually all of them. I am a total introverted loner at 50, yet I have respect in my community that I never enjoyed before. Successful in romantic relationships, and I can insert myself anywhere socially and be fine. I am the coordinator for a local youth program, and am trusted.

The side effects of this success, I remain a loner, and outside of my romantic relationships, I have zero close friends. Yet I would change nothing. I highly recommend you consider personal reform for yourself. You have nothing to lose and remember, you only live once. It's an investment.
 
planemo

planemo

Well-known member
Pacific_Loner said:
Well since you cannot control what people think or what they do with their faces, the best option you have is to shrug it... It's not like it's any of your problem what they think anyway is it? You have the right to exist out there in the world as much as anyone else, regardless of what you look like and what you're wearing.

(By the way, I am aware this attitude is not that easy to adopt, but if you keep reminding yourself of it, I think at some point you will realize it's true and stop worrying so much about random people's opinion of you.)
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You took the words right out of my mouth. You can't change people, you can't change how they think, and you can't be liked by all. So the best thing is not to care.
 
B

bsammy

Well-known member
Megaten said:
You know there's a lot of reasons why someone might give you a funny look other than them not finding you attractive. Some people will get mad if you break simple unwritten social rules. Like I had my professor's secretary finally corner me a few weeks ago mad at me because I don't speak to her when walking into the office. I felt it was unnecessary to engage her in conversation, but apparently she found this to be rude. She could have just instead given me a nasty look, and left me questioning what was wrong with me. Ive talked to female friends (who are really good looking) but guys think they're stuck up because they're shy and rarely smile or talk. Their aloof personality is mistaken for smugness. I've had a guy at work tell me to my face "when I first met you, I thought you were an a-hole" and he came this conclusion even though I had hardly spoken to him!

TL;DR - people tend to make a lot of assumptions about quiet people and a lot of them arent good.
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well i think everyone should at least give a light smile and say hi to people as they pass..i know if i am walking by someone on the street i at least acknowledge them and give a slight wave or say hi..thats just normal social behavior so if you do not do this, of course u will come across as being rude or stuck up..if you expect to not have to say anything to anyone and still be accepted like everyone else, sorry its not going to happen..
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
bsammy said:
well i think everyone should at least give a light smile and say hi to people as they pass..i know if i am walking by someone on the street i at least acknowledge them and give a slight wave or say hi..thats just normal social behavior so if you do not do this, of course u will come across as being rude or stuck up..if you expect to not have to say anything to anyone and still be accepted like everyone else, sorry its not going to happen..
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That was exactly my point. I was giving the OP reasons Ive learned from personal experience why an aloof person would get nasty looks. Her conclusion (as with a few others) has been "they must think Im ugly". But she said as people passed she would look up briefly and that was it. Some people would consider that rude. Theyre not shy, so in their mind they dont cant fathom why a person wouldnt smile and greet them warmly. Whether you're actually a mean person or not is irrelevant to a stranger, all that they have to go on is how warm you appear when they first meet you.

As for me and that secretary, I was just coming up to drop off work and usually when Im coming up there its not to carry on small talk. I personally think she was the rude one for expecting me to greet her even though I didnt want to. Shes not the center of the Universe.
 
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noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
Thanks for all the replies, i guess i shouldn't have said i want to be liked by everyone i know that's not possible, but i just don't want to be made fun of or given a dirty look everytime i go out. I look around to see if other people get the same looks to see if i'm mistaken but it's never the same as i get looked at. I know a lot of people who are out having a great time and no one bothers them they are treated well and i hate that i just can't have a good experience. I wouldn't mind going out and being unnoticed and left alone. I have put in a lot of work on myself fixing my anxiety and i have a lot of other anxieties besides sp i finally liked myself and that' what makes me most sad. I still get treated the same it is not me that's the problem. I tell myself not to care what people think but when so many people look at you like your from another planet what else would i think.
 
noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
I'm really annoyed why don't people stop bothering me. I want to go out and have a life without being stared made fun of. I'm so uncomfortable being out. I have no idea how to control facial expressions, i don't know how to control it and it's hard when everyone looks at me. I'm tired of it, tired of thinking people are better than me when i know they're not. Why do others get to go out and have a good time and everyone likes them what makes them better. I'm working really hard to fix this but it's not me that is problem its stupid strangers
 
Jessquietgirl

Jessquietgirl

Well-known member
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