To the overly confident advisers here

Hello Social Phobia World.

After reading a lot of discussions here, it seems we have many great winners in life around, don't we? Who happen to know exactly how to deal with this crippling disease, and are willing to teach us.

However, their arguments boil down to trying to make us realize how stupid and lazy we are, and then they tell us to do exactly what the disease won't let us. They are so awesome, aren't they? However, because their posts are sugar coated with their "good intentions", their patronizing atitude comes as kindness in their own eyes.

Let's take a look at some of those advices. Most of them happen to be in a sticky thread in this forum, something that really surprises me, since we already heard all this and more plenty of times well before coming here. I'm not responding directly there because I am just quoting that message for practical purposes, those ideas in general and their supporters are far too common and deserve this attention.

Six reasons why many people with SA have trouble getting over it

"They don't stick to a plan of action- this is the number one reason why people with sp will never get better."

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They know why we are destined to fail and why we suffer in every aspect of social life. It's always very simple and it's always our fault, for either not realizing the obvious or not trying enough. Deep down they think we are doing this to ourselves and not being harmed by a mental disorder that won't allow us to behave differently.

A person suffering from depression, something that is common to appear along with socialphobia, will look to a claim like this and think: "Yeah, I don't x (stick to a plan of action in this case) because I can't, so I will never get better, I know it." Good job.

You have no authority or even basic knowledge of the disorder to make most of those simplistic and naive claims. Have you ever even googled socialphobia? Different medical treatments have different results from one person to another.

People have a hard time going through with the most efficient treatment available thanks to the disorder itself, something that it's not their fault, and also said treatment many times is not being held by truly capable medics.

Comprehensive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy | Social Anxiety Association

But if people stick with your positive thinking stupidity, which the doctors advise AGAINST because the CBT treatment consists exactly of turning irrational thoughts into neutral logical thinking, they will get better. They never get better because they don't stick to some plan coming from the brilliant mind of someone like you, which would be more than enough to deal with it. We can just ignore decades of research by countless doctors and patients and their results.

2) They don't take baby steps- people with social anxiety push themselves too hard to do somthing that is too far beyond their comfort zone instead of building up gradually. The result is that the individual will not be consistent because they will dread repeating this activity. The solution is to start small and build up like with weight training. Over a year progress will be huge and after 2 years you will be totally over sp.

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The "You are doing it wrong" argument is a slight variation of the "You are not trying hard enough", however instead of thinking only that we are lazy, they also think we are quite stupid and never thought about such a simple idea before.

If we are pushing ourselves too hard, we are not in a comfort zone. We are struggling and feeling distressed, not safe and cozy. Most of the time we don't have jobs, we don't have a relationship, we don't have nothing but fear of a future we were not able to build. Where we are suffering not only with the disease, but also because the help we are getting now to keep going on won't be here forever, when our parents and relatives supporting us die.

But yeah, we are settled in a comfort zone, all cozy with the ghost of utter misery, he whispering to us a future way worse than our already painful lives.

Besides thinking we are so stupid it never ocurred to us something like baby steps before, they are also so insensitive that they won't understand that if we are doing nothing, locked in a room in despair, is because even the tiniest of steps are too much.

I'm not even going to say much about the 2 years joke. Not only you promise a cure but also tell us how long it will take, while no psychiatrist ever do that. The best possible treatment known to modern science have a high rate of success in making people get better. Not getting cured, not guaranteed to work, and not on a fixed schedule. This is the level of your ignorance.

3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.

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"Disregard reality, you are perfect."

Again, people with socialphobia are not stupid. It's funny that he says that himself, and yet tries to convince us we are all fit in every way for leading a perfect life, while he knows nothing about anyone here except the name in the profiles.

People with socialphobia KNOW that their emotions and thoughts are being messed up by a very real biological disorder in their brains, not by their abstract concepts of beauty or by the impression left by other people. You really think we are just shy.

Since they are particularly stubborn with this, let's have the word of a specia list:

"You cannot tell a person with social anxiety to simply stop thinking negative thoughts. Obviously, the person does not want to think negatively, and if they could choose to stop thinking negatively, they would do so in a heartbeat."

Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D., Psychologist
Director, Social Anxiety Institute

4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.

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Comparing ourselves to others like saying "There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives" as you just did? Yeah, that would make me feel quite guilty back then, when I still didn't know how to deal with toxic people like you.

This is more an evidence of how these people have no idea of what they are talking about than anything else.

They probably don't wonder for a minute what kind of destructive thoughts make their ways into our minds when we hear stuff like this. And they don't care. They are sharing their wisdom, if we hurt ourselves with it is because we are stupid, just like they always knew.

However, to say we shouldn't compare ourselves to others makes as much sense as saying we shouldn't look at them. Comparing yourself to other people is natural and inevitable, the problem only comes of what you make from this comparison. If you are aware of your situation and the reasons for other people's success when we couldn't make it, if that is the case, you will be able to focus precisely on what matters (the socialphobia) instead of other things.

5) They are result oriented rather than process oriented- People with SP have a tendency to focus on making friends or getting a girlfriend/boyfriend instead of working on building social skills gradually. You are unlikely to develop relationships quickly. This is a process and forming a relationship is an end goal which may take several years to accomplish. It is better to accept your current status of being single and alone and learn to like it. You can be happy with this. It is not terrible to be alone. Focus on and enjoy the process of building your social confidence and skills because you may not get results in a hurry.

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No one will never develop social skills by "learning to like" solitude. How can someone be so dense? Also, each person have their own personality, you don't have to "learn to like" being alone or being with people either, we have to get rid of the influence from the disease and that's it, it's up to us to decide our likes, dislikes and everything else.

6) Magic Pill- People in general look for magic pills to solve their problems. This is loser thinking. There are no magic pills or quick fixes. work in=reward out. Get that formula into your head because its the only thing that works. The harder and longer you work at this and the more sacrifices you make the better you will get.

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I would never have been able to live the small moments of happiness I had in my life without the help of medication. This is no magic, it's medicine which cures the simptoms of a disease.

And yeah, we are not working hard enough, we are not sacrificing enough, we already heard that. Stop projecting your selfish and lazy self on others.

You know what is funny? Of all the bad things, I don't remember any of the normal patronizing people I met in my life ever saying the word "loser" when talking about this.

And yet here it is, in the last place of the world where you would expect to find it. Where we come to find a moment of peace and understanding among our own.

This is just a small list I conveniently found in a single thread, but the counselors of the positive thinking are Legion, and their advices for us are infinite, coming from the uncharted depths of human stupidity and conceit.

It would not be possible to list everything they like to tell us here, but let's hope this small demonstration is enough to enlighten the most reasonable among them, if possible.

Personally, I feel that many times we recognize what is wrong and know how to get better... But knowing doesn't mean that you do it.

An example. I co-facilitate a support group for people with badly managed diabetes. They all know what is making their sugars high, and they know that better diets and physical activity can help them tremendously. I talk about how bad processed food and sugars are for our bodies. That you don't have to have diabetes to make these changes... Blah blah blah.

But I acknowledge that it is a struggle. With any change, it is a struggle.

Here I am offering all these people advice and education.... Meanwhile I ate two chocolate bars for dinner.

Its hypocrisy, but I can't commit to changes myself... So I can completely understand and am sympathetic to their struggle.

I notice that because I know the steps necessary to being overall healthier, I am making changes. Not drastically, but small. I used to have sweets all over my house. A cake with a fork in it that I always took out and ate out of when I was lonely or depressed. I wouldn't even slice it. I just ate it. There was always cake.

Anyway, I don't do that anymore. I only had those chocolate bars last night because I bought them off a kid that came to my door. I would have normally bought them all because I feel guilty that they have to sell all those bars, but last night I didn't.

And it wasn't a big deal, I just didn't think about it.

Making changes, especially when it comes to mental health can be very overwhelming. I say this because in reading the same thread that you read... What I took out of that was just the same information I have read elsewhere, reiterated.

You can take that information and use it, or leave it and just completely disregard it. But the knowledge stays.

I don't think anyone on here are losers. People take different approaches to trying to overcome their fears. This may not work for you, but it might for the next person.

Anyway, what I mean is that I recognize i have many issues that were posted in the thread. I already know this. And I berate myself for them.

I think many people on here are the same. But the objective is not to take to task all these drastic changes, rather to allow them to remain in our minds... And maybe one day we will decide if we are ready to take a new approach or sub consciously just do it.


Some may take medication to facilitate the process, while others don't. I took medication for anxiety and depression, and while it helped in some areas, it completely destroyed me in others. So now, I take a different approach. I don't think I'm a loser, at least not today, but I do struggle.

OK, now I'm rambling.

Yes, we do come here to seek advice and information, but we are all individuals with free will. So, I don't think there are two people completely alike. Not here or anywhere else.

Just as you found that thread offensive, I'm sure some will find your response offensive. That's just the way it is.

I don't like to be called a loser, just like I know no one likes to be called stupid and conceited.

Anyway. I do wish you the best on here. Spw has really helped me overcome some dark days.

People are so used to see socialphobics getting lectured about how stupid and lazy they are that an adequate response like this is seem as an agression.

Yeah, some of us fight back and put these people in their places, shocking I know.

They behave in a stupid and conceited manner and I took my time to demonstrate it. Most of them are not even clinically socialphobic. And before anyone asks how I know that, it's simple as knowing why someone in a wheelchair don't tell other person in the same situation to stop messing around and just get up already.

By the way, to receive that diagnosis you must have suffered some real loss in life because of the symptoms. If you lost your job or can't find one because of the anxiety, if you dropped school because of it, if you lost a long term relationship, this kind of thing. If your anxiety causes great and real damage in your life then you have the disorder, not if you are shy or feel unconfortable around people but get around with them when needed anyway.

I'm just stating facts right from a medical source, from my experience and from common sense, these people make us suffer even more by doing this and they are not getting a passive nod or a confession of guilt this time.

No one said you were lazy, and getting defensive when someone's trying to help you by stating the cold hard facts about the most productive ways to counter the effects of social anxiety portrays you as bitter and mean. I get it, some of those posts might appear patronizing at first, but the reality is that the post you quoted was extremely helpful and accurate. The most hurtful thing about it is how emotionally hard it is to constantly step out of your comfort zone in the road to becoming stronger than your anxiety. Your response to your anxiety becomes stronger the more you challenge the imaginary boundaries it tries to set for you.

I do agree with your comment regarding medication. In extreme cases, some meds will provide necessary relief that will allow you to make progress. 'Loser thinking' is not the best way to try to prove a point.

Haha... I know it's kind of a negative thread, but I'm glad you said it. I agree with much of what you said, but I don't think all advice is worthless... I mean, obviously things can improve and trying things is better than doing nothing.

What bothers me is whenever I hear someone say 'you need to man up and get over this', which on the surface sounds empowering but is actually more like a putdown than a genuine attempt to help anyone. Helpful advice contains suggestions that are useful, not just telling someone they're a loser and that's bad, so they should try being a winner instead. Some people actually believe that it's good advice instead of just frustration wrapped in some naive daydream that everyone has endless amounts of willpower at their disposal and if you use it you'll be fine. It's the same basic argument that some people make when they want to blame poor people for their poverty, or when they want to tell everyone that the rich are rich because they work harder than everyone else.

Most of these things are genetic, and once you accept that you're probably not going to change, you can start functioning within the parameters of your condition... maybe you won't ever be the life of the party or super popular, but you can do okay... but I guess that depends on the severity.

I also think that there's a difference between anxiety and low self-esteem.

Sacrament said:

No one said you were lazy

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When you tell me I should just go and do some simple task, that I still haven't done for some reason so trivial that you can solve the problem just by telling me to do it and that my life will be miserable if I don't, yes, you are calling me lazy.

If you tell me some absurdly simple idea and thinks that getting this little piece of knowledge inside my thick skull is all it takes to get my life together, you are calling me stupid.

Suppose I try to teach you how to walk on two legs. What exactly do you think my idea of your potential and shortcomings is?

Sacrament said:

No one said you were lazy, and getting defensive when someone's trying to help you by stating the cold hard facts about the most productive ways to counter the effects of social anxiety portrays you as bitter and mean.

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When people like you insult and belittle us you are always expecting a "thank you", it's really amusing.

I am bitter and mean, but more importantly, I am right, and you have no arguments.

Sacrament said:

I get it, some of those posts might appear patronizing at first, but the reality is that the post you quoted was extremely helpful and accurate.

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For you maybe, not for Social Anxiety Disorder, and I made it clear with plenty information. You are going against decades of research, personal experience and just plain common sense.

Sacrament said:

Your response to your anxiety becomes stronger the more you challenge the imaginary boundaries it tries to set for you.

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This is a classic, thanks.

I'm done though, help me here doc.

The behavioral component of the therapy has typically been explained as "exposure" (i.e., exposing people with social anxiety to situations which they fear, so that they will habituate, or get used to, the feared situation.)

As you may notice, this definition has two problems. While being fairly accurate, it (a) is too vague and contains no specifics, and (b) does not explain or address adequately why "exposure" for social anxiety must be done differently than "exposure" for people with other mental health care disorders.

Most therapists think of "behavioral therapy" as "exposure" to real-life anxiety-producing situations. Anyone familiar with social anxiety disorder knows that exposures do not work, they only cause damage, and they keep the person locked in the vicious cycle of anxiety, irritation, frustration, anger, and depression.

Unstructured "Exposures" Do Not Work

People with social anxiety know why these "exposures" do not work. For example, at the worst stages of my own social anxiety, I was constantly "exposed" to anxiety-producing situations. There were many situations I could not avoid. I had no choice. I had to "expose" myself to these anxiety-producing situations even though I did not want to do so.

For example, at one point in my life I was a teacher. I did fine with students, but when it came to parent-teacher conferences, I would dread the experience (the "exposure") weeks and weeks ahead of time. The anticipatory anxiety and fear was so strong that it gripped at my stomach and made me feel like it was bloody and raw.

Over the course of nine years, I was required to go through thirty-three weeks of parent-teacher conferences. I was exposed to one of my greatest fears, and the repetition and further exposure to this fear did not cause me to lose my anxiety and feel more comfortable. Instead, I faced my fears and my fears became even stronger.

This is only one example of why traditional "exposure" techniques are counterproductive for people with social anxiety disorder.

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Comprehensive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy | Social Anxiety Association

Odo said:

Haha... I know it's kind of a negative thread, but I'm glad you said it.

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And I'm glad you are glad. This thread is also for every person who felt their burden get even worse thanks to those people, it's for setting free anyone who fell under their influence.

Most social phobics don't have the disposition to come here and defend themselves, specially just to be called "bitter and mean". They are feeling too weak and drained for arguing, they would rather keep what energy they have left for something better. And they are absolutely right.

I have been there, and I'm here for them now.

Louco said:

And I'm glad you are glad. This thread is also for every person who felt their burden get even worse thanks to those people, it's for setting free anyone who fell under their influence.

Most social phobics don't have the disposition to come here and defend themselves, specially just to be called "bitter and mean". They are feeling too weak and drained for arguing, they would rather keep what energy they have left for something better. And they are absolutely right.

I have been there, and I'm here for them now.

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I gotta agree.

It's not good advice, and doubly annoying because it comes with the implication that you haven't actually thought of it before. How stupid would someone have to be not to have thought of 'well maybe if I just DO these things, everything will be okay'???

It's about as inspiring as an abusive parent.

Being negative about someone's negativity isn't positive, and definitely doesn't constitute support... but of course some people don't see it that way, and believe it's your fault if you get upset about it.

So you cant tell anyone what works for you if they make a thread asking for advice? I agree that that post you mentioned was abrasive, but I get the feeling by what you said at the beginning that pretty much anyone you perceive as "more confident" should just keep their mouths shut.

This is a forum. People come here to chat, ask questions, advice.. etc.

That's when people give THEIR opinions and experiences.

It's classic behavior of someone with SA, negative, glass half empty type thinking when you read others posts/thoughts and opinions. It's classic behavior to hear people's talk as negative toward yourself. It seems you are possibly showing these classic negative thinking behaviors.

I have made great inroads in my fight against SA. Some with the help of a mental health professional, a lot by my own willpower and some I have taken from the thoughts of others from this forum.

When people criticize you, it can sometimes be a let down. Although there is ways that the people who are not appreciating you may actually be jealous or doing it for a certain reason. I recently went to go break my fears to hang out with friends at a bar; though I was the DD so I didn't drink. I remember I saw a guy in a Afro as I called him out and I got a weird look from him. Gave me attitude when I was in his way too at one point and I felt a bit negative on myself but I just thought 'Not everyone can except you, the world is balanced and sometimes the negative things that happen can also be a positive thing'. Next thing I know, I'm dancing with the Afro guy like we were best buds when the band starts playing like crazy. Life is a mystery, even though we all have social phobias in certain parts of us in all different scenarios that can be challenging; there's always support wherever you go; because the world is balanced. If there is anything I can give everyone advice here is this:

"Follow your heart, even though your in a scared situation but you know that if you do a certain action within the present and it feels right; do it! Because that right there, is living life with no regrets."

Here's a quote from a Behavioral Therapist Healer named Dr. John Demartini:

“The purpose of relationships is to help awaken you to the inherent balance existing within and around you, and to assist you in acknowledging your own magnificence and wholeness.”

I also recommend reading his book the "The Breakthrough Experience", I found it can be useful to look at life in a whole different way that makes you understand life more efficiently. He is a powerful/professional person and he helps you work at fighting off your fantasies and see the negatives/positives to find equilibrium within yourself and the world around you.

That was too long to read all of it, but I skimmed.

They know why we are destined to fail and why we suffer in every aspect of social life. It's always very simple and it's always our fault, for either not realizing the obvious or not trying enough. Deep down they think we are doing this to ourselves and not being harmed by a mental disorder that won't allow us to behave differently.

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I'll never take this attitude you're taking. It's self-defeating. If you believe you're destined to fail (which is a terrible belief to hold) and you believe it's not your fault, then how will you take any control to make any sort of improvement? If you believe it's your destiny, then you don't believe there's anything you can do to change it. And if you don't accept responsibility, you'll just keep pointing the finger, even if it's at your brain chemistry. This doesn't allow you to grow. This doesn't just apply to SA.

Look, I'm not saying you can't be affected somehow physically that makes it harder for you to succeed socially. But I believe our brains our like a sponge and a muscle. We have to learn and absorb information to get better, and we have to exercise our brain to keep it in shape. Put a social, normal, happy guy in solitary confinement for a couple years and see how he's changed when he gets out. See, physical changes and mental changes probably occurred. He's no longer the same guy, but see he's not destined to fail. He can get back to how he was before.

Take a deep look at how your limiting. beliefs are affecting you. Look, we all know SA is one son of a b*** to overcome. It seems impossible all the time. Everyday, I feel it. I feel almost that it's impossible and that I'll never overcome it, but I don't fully accept that. I feel it, but I don't conclude and believe that. Personally, I'm sick of all the mind games. I've even read a CBT book and tried changing the way I think but it's tiring. It's not fun and it's weird to monitor how you think and to think about how you think and try to change it. And some of these negative beliefs I might have are so deeply ingrained that I'm not sure how to uproot them. I just feel like I need to let all this CBT crap go and just say "F it" everyday and find reasons to be happy. Find reasons to keep moving forward. I can't do this CBT stuff. It's weird mind games and I don't see it being very effective. In fact, maybe it's only made things worse since I'm more in my head analyzing things too deeply and too much. I know science and studies says otherwise that it's supposed to be effective, but how and when? Are things just going to click one day for me? Does this take like a year of this CBT stuff to actually see any real change?

Question everything. Especially when it comes to psychiatry.

I think both sides have some good points. Those still struggling under the weight of anxiety look to others for support and advice here, but there are many individuals that spew unhelpful sentences such as 'just overcome your anxiety and it'll be fine', rather than giving any real advice that helps us grow. I appreciate that overcoming something like this is such a long drawn out process that it's difficult to pinpoint what exactly helps us progress, however. But I think this thread will probably just divide the strugglers and the 'overly confident advisers' and not really serve any purpose :/

I understand your point but the fact stays, I got where I am right now by being shit-scared to the point of black-out, blushing, blanking, shaking, stuttering, doing loads of mistakes, failing and humiliating myself BUT doing it anyway.

Since it's a forum to help people with SA, of course those who were failing to overcome SA when they first subscribed and then got a lot better want to help others do the same, and we do so with the tools and communication skills that we have (which can sometimes be poor given where we came from), so we don't always come across the way we wish or should, but at least we are trying. And let's not fool ourselves, people with SA often have depression as well and sometimes it can be exasperating to deal with depressed people when you are no longer depressed yourself, which makes the communication even more of a challenge.

Megaten said:

So you cant tell anyone what works for you if they make a thread asking for advice? I agree that that post you mentioned was abrasive, but I get the feeling by what you said at the beginning that pretty much anyone you perceive as "more confident" should just keep their mouths shut.

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It's good you said this, I will gladly explain any misunderstanding of my message.

I am not criticizing being confident, when trying to help someone else or otherwise. I am explaining why the patterns of ideas and behavior of some people are wrong and being harmful to us. To be overly confident is not the virtue of believing in yourself, it's the arrogance of never considering you could be wrong.

Please don't feel intimidated, the people to who I'm talking to won't back off because of what I or others think, it would even be naive of me to think otherwise. I'm not trying to censor anyone, I'm trying to educate them. It's up to them what they are going to do with what they learn (or not) here. They can grow some empathy or they can come here to attack me personally for example, I trust the better natured among them will choose wisely.

My wish is to make people who are getting pushed into thinking they are guilty of having a bad attitude, when they are actually victims of a terrible disease, to realize that those ideas are wrong and should not be accepted. When someone tries to influence you like this, they are being bold, but it also takes confidence to resist them.

Therefore, if you have social phobia, I want you to believe in yourself, because deep down you know you are being accused unjustly of not trying and of not being a better person, when you are actually doing your best but being held back by the chains of a malfunctioning brain.

By the way, if you can't say I'm talking about you or not in this thread, I'm very likely not, so don't worry.

When I read the words of an "over confident adviser" I usually assume that the adviser is trying to convince themselves more than the people they are "advising".
Let's face it, someone with a lot of great things going on in their lives aren't going to have a lot of time to hang around a site like this "advising" the downtrodden. Humans don't work like that.

PugofCrydee said:

This is a forum. People come here to chat, ask questions, advice.. etc.

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I happen to understand what a discussion forum is, thank you.

PugofCrydee said:

It's classic behavior of someone with SA, negative, glass half empty type thinking when you read others posts/thoughts and opinions. It's classic behavior to hear people's talk as negative toward yourself. It seems you are possibly showing these classic negative thinking behaviors.

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I have explained my points thoroughly, in the most rational and comprehensible way that I could, quoting an authentic and specialized medical source, to the best of my poor self-taught English. I'm not being negative.

PugofCrydee said:

I have made great inroads in my fight against SA. Some with the help of a mental health professional, a lot by my own willpower and some I have taken from the thoughts of others from this forum.

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That's good. You have no reason to think I'm talking about the people who helped you.

DanielLewis said:

That was too long to read all of it, but I skimmed.

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I noticed.

DanielLewis said:

I'll never take this attitude you're taking. It's self-defeating. If you believe you're destined to fail (which is a terrible belief to hold) and you believe it's not your fault, then how will you take any control to make any sort of improvement? If you believe it's your destiny, then you don't believe there's anything you can do to change it. And if you don't accept responsibility, you'll just keep pointing the finger, even if it's at your brain chemistry. This doesn't allow you to grow. This doesn't just apply to SA.

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Please go back and read the thread with attention this time. I never said I or anyone else here is destined to fail, I am precisely against those who think failure is inevitable because we don't have their wisdom.

DanielLewis said:

Personally, I'm sick of all the mind games. I've even read a CBT book and tried changing the way I think but it's tiring. It's not fun and it's weird to monitor how you think and to think about how you think and try to change it. And some of these negative beliefs I might have are so deeply ingrained that I'm not sure how to uproot them. I just feel like I need to let all this CBT crap go and just say "F it" everyday and find reasons to be happy. Find reasons to keep moving forward. I can't do this CBT stuff. It's weird mind games and I don't see it being very effective. In fact, maybe it's only made things worse since I'm more in my head analyzing things too deeply and too much. I know science and studies says otherwise that it's supposed to be effective, but how and when? Are things just going to click one day for me? Does this take like a year of this CBT stuff to actually see any real change?

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The first time I heard about CBT, I thought "This is so stupid I don't want to hear about this ever again."

However, I didn't have enough information about it and how it's supposed to be used to treat social phobia.

There are all kinds of CBT, let's take a look at the definition:

CBT is a combination or a "pulling together" of any and all methods, strategies, and techniques that work to help people successfully overcome their particular emotional problems.

The cognitive part of the therapy refers to thinking or learning and is the part of therapy that can be "taught" to the person. The person then needs to take what has been taught, practice it at home, and through means of repetition, get that new "learning" down into the brain over and over again so that is becomes automatic or habitual.

The behavioral component of CBT involves participation in an active, structured therapy group, consisting of people with clinical social anxiety. In the behavioral group, people voluntarily engage in practical activities that are mildly anxiety-causing, and proceed in a flexible, steady, scheduled manner. By moving forward in this manner, step by step, and through the use of repetition, the anxiety felt in social situations is gradually reduced.

The behavioral therapy group should consist of people with social anxiety only. People with other emotional problems should not be mixed into this group. Even an "anxiety" group will not work. Because the problems are very different from each anxiety disorder to the other, the behavioral group and its activities would prove to be ineffective for people with panic, generalized anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, even though these are clinical anxiety disorders as well.

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Comprehensive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy | Social Anxiety Association

So you see, the CBT must be adapted to treat Social Anxiety Disorder by a specialized psychiatrist. Trying by yourself certainly sound very difficult without the support of the group and the medic.

It's very important we are aware of this, because there are counselors out there who offer CBT, but in reality only grasp the most basic aspects of it, and have no idea how to treat social phobia properly, making the patient have a hard time and not getting much better, if at all.

No one can promise you anything. What we know is this:

When applied correctly, it has a very high rate of success.

It is not painful and forced upon you, it's voluntary and each person take their time with the progress, which makes it hard to say how long it will take.

The progress can be permanent, because we change the way our brain works.

It's not hypnosis, positive thinking or any kind of deception proccess to fool ourselves "for our own good", so to speak.

There's no need to keep doing it forever and it shows better results than treatments with antidepressants, which are usually abandoned as unnecessary.

I hope this helped.

Remus said:

Question everything. Especially when it comes to psychiatry.

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Science is usually more trustworthy than the random stranger on the internet.