Trapped in my mind :/ Needing some serious help!

mandy83

Member
So I'm new to this site. Not exactly sure how this works.. Hopefully someone is reading. I have been suffering with agoraphobia for a few years now. I was housebound, got better and ventured little by little. About 5 months ago I ended up right back at square one :/ or should I say zero! I haven't left my home in 5 months. I can't even go off my block. I do walk my dog some but not far before the anxiety hits me hard and I'm speed walking back home. I'm living with my parents, and the person I am dating. We've been together for almost 9 months and they have no idea that I have this condition. I have managed to hide it this whole time. Only my parents and very few other people know of this condition. My anxiety is getting worse by the day. I've become an insomniac due to worrying about everything imaginable. I have done a lot of research over the years... and I know the best way to conquer this is to face it, and to do baby steps. I can't seem to grasp it. I am scared out of my mind and feel alone. My parent's are getting tired of me being this way and I'm tired of trying to hide it! Anyone.... Someone.....please tell me you can relate? I need some encouragement. Keeping this a secret and having the ones who do know, fed up with my condition isn't helping. Can someone please give me some tips? Tell me how to work myself up to getting better? I have klonopin for anxiety but I'm too scared to take it. (apparently I have a lot of issues holding me back ): Can anyone help me get started? I'm facing this alone with no help.. No one to understand what I'm feeling, Nor not really anyone to tell..... to get help. I absolutely am stuck in my mind. I'm a prisoner of fear... I need some friends who are going thru this or have gone thru this and beat it. Pleaseeee tell me how?!
 

Boby

Well-known member
Hi Mandy and welcome to the forum.
Well I don't have agoraphobia but I have plenty of irrational fears and I know how it feels.
I don't have much advice to give you but if you were looking for a place to relate with others and share your feelings than this is the right place ,I came here pretty desperate too but after I read some threads and met the other members I felt a bit better and now I'm looking forward for improving myself and getting better.
If you ever need to talk you are welcome to pm/chat me.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Hi Mandy, welcome to the forum. I don't know how to help you but I'm sure some people here can relate to you and give some nice advice. I deal with lot of irrational fears too, I think I might have mild agoraphobia myself and I know how it feels. Good luck :)
 

halmat

Member
Hey Mandy - I just read your post and could feel your frustration. I'm Hal. I recovered from agoraphobia 20 years ago and recently started posting some helpful ideas and notions on the mdjunction.com site which also features a forum for agoraphobes. I recommend you buy the book "Life Unlocked" by Dr. Pillay. Its the best I've read explaining the reasons agoraphobia develops and how to get out of it.

Yes you can be free again, but you'll have to work at it. Start by reading everything you can on the two forums, but googling agoraphobia and reading all the medical journal reports. I'm sure you're aware that all of this craziness is occurring because you're afraid of having another panic attack. You can trick your mind into not fearing panic attacks and once you do, you'll never have another. Dr. Pillay's book will explain how to change the messages in your subconscious. It won't happen over night, but it will happen. It's a combination of regaining self-confidence and optimism. Start using positive mantras right now and work at this every day.

There are therapists specializing in "cognitive behavioral therapy" - essentially methods to retrain your thinking. Once you figure out all you can about the condition and are ready to do some serious work find a therapist. I can tell you being free of agoraphobia is the greatest feeling ever. You'll get there. Hal
 

mandy83

Member
Thank you all for the welcome. Hopefully I'll find the right method that works for me. Im going to look for the book mentioned above. I'm way beyond tired of feeling this way and feeling helpless. Anyone know of any good online therapy sites? I'm not even sure if they exist. There's no one located in my area who does house calls. At this point, I'm unable to travel off my residential block so I'm unable to travel further to seek professional help one on one. I have so many issues it's ridiculous. I'm suffering from this, before becoming housebound.. I would freak out having to travel 20 miles away. I never could go any further without begging the person to turn around. I constantly worry, and I'm scared to take any pill (because inside my head I think about 20 different what-if's) I also fear hospitals. I'm trying to work on setting my mind to a positive mind-frame so that hopefully one day this will all be behind me and I can have my normal-non-worryful life back! Thank you for the feedback. I greatly appreciate being able to let this out instead of keeping it bottled up inside. (it makes it worse)
 

Mickery

Well-known member
You may be more likely to find someone who does phone consultations rather than house calls. Are you sure others don't know, even if they haven't brought it up? Surely not leaving a block-radius for that long would raise some questions.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
You need some support, is all I can say.
Telling your parents and your boyfriend about this could do you alot of good.
I leave my house with my mother or brother - they get me out and about a couple times a week.
Otherwise, I would never leave my room.

There are loads of other things you can try- lots of coping methods, CBT-- but you have to start with creating a support network.
 

halmat

Member
Hey Mandy - You might have missed a letter or something, but mdjunction offers forums on a lot of subjects. Click on "mental health" and then on agoraphobia. I'm going to write a thing for there today on forming peer support groups that could meet online, over the phone or in person in someone's home or a public meeting room - library? If you're interested, I can supply you with some details. You will get over this and will even feel lots better once you start working with the book "Life Unlocked." Keep it simple: it's only fear of having another panic attack and you can train your subconscious to no longer fear panic attacks. 20 years later and I still no longer fear panic attacks and therefore don't have any. Work every day at this, with plenty of positive statements to yourself. Hal
 

mandy83

Member
I just ordered "Life Unlocked" on Amazon. Thank you for the recommendation Hal. As for a support group from ones close by.. The ones who do know of my condition which is very few. Mainly my parents, They are tired of my condition and have basicly given up on helping me. The person I am dating does not know of me having agor but only that I have severe anxiety. I'm scared to really tell anyone. The few friends I have told.. don't understand and just tell me it's all in my head and laugh it off. They think my condition is ridiculous. "sigh" For some reason I feel like I don't even know where to start, who to turn to, I just feel crazy :/ Hopefully the book will help get me started. I really want to help myself.
 

mandy83

Member
Before writing this post, I was scared to take any medication. Afraid of what affect it may have on me. Yesterday.. I was having a bad day. I was nervous, shaky, nausea, just having one anxiety attack after another. I finally took a klonopin. It was like as if it made all of those feelings float away. I felt normal for the first time in months. It felt like I wanted to panic but my brain wasn't allowing me to. I'm glad there are people on here who can relate to me! :) Yesterday I also made a big step but haven't been able to share with anyone :/ Bc they would think my "big step" was silly. Since becoming agoraphobic, I also developed a driving fear. So yesterday.. I made myself sit in the car for 5 mins. I wanted to challenge myself even more so I drove down the road a little and turned around. I told myself I could do it again, and did :) I felt so proud of myself yet I also felt silly..yet I know that's a good start. I do venture out on the porch every day and walk my dog. (I'm able to walk 2 houses in each direction) I want to go further but within time I guess I can build up the courage. <<Hopefully! I'm tired of being scared and living in a circle! Trapped in my own mind by a bunch of what-if's and constantly having anxiety. I pray I'm able to overcome this soon! Thanks for the replys
 

OCDd

Well-known member
Well i recommend you seek a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. I do not have agoraphobia, but i have very severe OCD and am scared to contaminate things mentally. If you worried about getting to the psychologist/psychiatrist, do what i do and that's close your eyes during the car ride and just do the same when your actually in the office. take the medicine as they say and you will get better. I would also tell your partner about it. They may help you out i almost guarantee they will be comfortable with it. they will probably understand why you hid it from them but they will most likely be comfortable with it and be able to still work around it. And just remember your not alone you can talk to other people on this site with agoraphobia. hope this helps, Good luck! :)
 
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