dan_e

hi, i have 2 questions for you all. i'd like to get some opinions:
-how long should u wait before u tell a friend about your problems with anxiety?
-how should u tell them?

i'm talking about a casual friend that u would like to be closer friends with. someone that has tried to include me in activities, but i was unable due to my anxiety. i don't want them to start patronizing me. i can't help but feel it will make them uncomfortable around me and in turn they will treat me differently or avoid me. i don't want to come off as a lame duck, or like it will be too much hassle being my friend.

Gone

Hm, i wouldn't dare to tell any of my mates myself, unless i was sure they would understand, if you wanna explain why you don't go well with other people you could just settle for a half-truth, tell them that your not so fond of people and don't enjoy being social so much, then maybe they will just accept that you have an unusual taste and maybe not make such a big deal of it.

xSleepy

Sometimes I think it would be fine to tell them right away. Like just casually say...ya, i get anxious sometimes. Or,..... im not too comfortable around people. Something like that. I think the closer you get to someone the harder it will be to tell them the truth. So do it in the beginning.

"Don't be shy." - Thanks u cured me.

miriah

well, my friends dont know i have social phobia but they know i dont like talking to people i dont know and people that i do know and dont like to hang out very much but they make me do it any way which makes me push them away even more and then im left alone which is ok with me sometimes but sometimes i feel a litte lonely. so i dont know maybe i just have bad friends but my friends dont seem to care.

Moonie

I never tell anyone about my anxieties. Most of them just pick up on it, anyway, though. I don't really know why I don't share this information. I am guessing it is because it's hard for me to open up about this stuff, maybe I am ashamed, maybe I fear there will be a be a stigma against me, and so on.

Whenever you feel comfortable, I'd say go for it. Hopefully that person will be accepting and will be patient with getting to know you and your passions.

dan_e

i work with this person and it never quite seems like the right time to bring it up.
it would seem like a good idea to mention it when the anxiety starts, but when it starts i can't really talk because i hyperventilate.
maybe i'll just blurt it out one day and embarrass myself :roll:
thanks everyone for your advice.

de

you should tell them; if he/she brings up the fact that you are queit in a conversation that would probably be the best time to do it this person has made the effort to invite you to hang ut just explain your situation,easier said then done though right

dan_e

I don't want to "expose" myself, but I feel like I should explain my actions (or non-actions). I feel like I'm carrying this HUGE burden. What makes it worse is that the people I want to understand don't, or they think I want to be left alone.

miss_amy

I don't tell anyone either. I don't really have close friends, though I do have friends. The only people that know the full extent of my problems are my husband and my mum. Much of my extended family know nothing at all and I've done my best to hide it and think I've done a good job. A couple of my friends know I'm not particularly comfortable in social situation but probably just think I'm quiet and shy and prefer my own company. Social anxiety or phobias have never been mentioned or talked about.

I just have this huge fear that as soon as conditions like this get mentioned that I'd be thought of as mental, weird etc I feel people will not understand.

2Crowded

It's up to you.... I Myself have kept this hid from my few friends & the three x girlfriends that I had over 15 years ago...never told any of them. (might have been better if I had)...but at that time there's no way I would have.

But a couple years ago I decided I was going to tell my close friends...I think things are better with them now that they know. Looking back it's amazing that I had three girlfriends total in a span of 5 years....I guess it must have been my good looks that snared them. 8)