Two questions for good looking males with SA

Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
I am a dark skinned MALE but have average looks for girls in my race (Nilotic Africans) but for majority of fair-skin race women i'm probably below average. I have 2 questions for my fellow male SA'ers who have are superb looks...

1. If you consider yourself to have above average looks in your race. Has this made it easy for you to get a GF of your race?

2. Do you have an high-mid intimacy drive? - I ask this because many guys don't have an intimacy drive or are Asexual this could be why they arn't in a relationship even though they are good looking. Personally, i have a extremely high intimacy drive even if i'm depress/hopeless knowing no girl likes me, that drive/interest is still there and never goes away.
 
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TLB

TLB

Well-known member
Moses199 said:
I am a dark skinned MALE but have average looks for girls in my race (Nilotic Africans) but for majority of fair-skin race women i'm probably below average. I have 2 questions for my fellow male SA'ers who have are superb looks...

1. If you consider yourself to have above average looks in your race. Has this made it easy for you to get a GF of your race?

2. Do you have an high-mid intimacy drive? - I ask this because many guys don't have an intimacy drive or are Asexual this could be why they arn't in a relationship even though they are good looking. Personally, i have a extremely high intimacy drive even if i'm depress/hopeless knowing no girl likes me, that drive/interest is still there and never goes away.
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I don't consider myself good looking, but many have called me attractive and I've always had girls fancying me, especially back in school (when I was slimmer and the SA didn't make me this recluse).
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
TLB said:
I don't consider myself good looking, but many have called me attractive and I've always had girls fancying me, especially back in school (when I was slimmer and the SA didn't make me this recluse).
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Do you think good looks help someone get a gf even while they have SA?
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
Razzlecherry said:
How do you even know if you're good looking or not?
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Positive reinforcement from others. Thats why if a person is bullied or avoided its easy for them to think they're ugly. Its like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the beautiful woman thought she was hideous while she was surrounded by people with pig faces.

To answer the OP, Im thinking it takes more than chiseled good looks and abs to get women. Not to start a flame war, but in my opinion they seem a bit more selective than men are. And being awkward seems to be a deal breaker for quite a few.
 
R

Razzlecherry

Banned
In the past few years I've experienced a lot. I can say that your physical appearance isn't as important as just being an interesting person to be around. If you're a dude you have to act like one. If you act like a girl then women will treat you like one and you'll make them vomit in their mouths.
 
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DanielLewis

Well-known member
I think I'm a good-looking guy because I've had several girls take an interest in me just because of my looks. For instance, girl told me I was beautiful and one of the better looking guys she sees. Strangely, I've been very insecure about how I look. It's only because of my ears, which stick out sort of a lot. Everytime I look in the mirror it bothers me.

1. No, it has not made it easy to get a GF. I'm 24 and never had one. I know why though. SA and not trying enough. I know I could've had a girlfriend in high school had I tried. In fact, one girl asked me to go out with her. I was too scared to say yes, so that went nowhere. My friends told me not to saying she was a hoe or something, and I listened to them too, which was dumb. They were probably just jealous. I could've learned more from that experience. Trust me, looks don't magically get your a girlfriend. It helps and can get you some initial interest from girls, but good looking guys got to attract and connect with women just like average looking dudes.

2. I have a high intimacy drive I think. I certainly desire a GF, but it's not like I'm obsessed about it. I even sometimes picture what it would be like to be dating a girl I'm around. You know, you done it before. You imagine yourself in a relationships with some cute girl.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
Moses199 said:
Do you think good looks help someone get a gf even while they have SA?
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Unfortunately, I think it may be only a marginal advantage, if at all. Just based on what I've anecdotally seen written by men (shy, SA, autistic, whatever) who claim to be good-looking but can't get anywhere. I guess that is flimsy evidence.

But I mean, think about it. If you don't have social fluency, it's very hard to be considered attractive.. this is especially true for men.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
Megaten said:
To answer the OP, Im thinking it takes more than chiseled good looks and abs to get women. Not to start a flame war, but in my opinion they seem a bit more selective than men are. And being awkward seems to be a deal breaker for quite a few.
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At least hopefully we can avoid going with the "status" angle. That's my least favorite one. "Ambition, leadership quality, social network." Of course, all of that will help, but I don't think it's required.

I think a great deal of it comes down to confidence. That means if you're socially awkward, find some way to "own" it and stop caring so much what others think. A very hard thing to do, of course.
 
TLB

TLB

Well-known member
Moses199 said:
Do you think good looks help someone get a gf even while they have SA?
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Nope, SA usually comes with a low self-esteem, so no matter how many people call you good looking, even if you believe it, you would assume people still wouldn't like you!
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I certainly dont consider myself 'good looking' or above average. I think I'm average at best.
One thing I've learned is self confidence - or appearing genuinely self confident is a big thing.
I've found being nice is another.
Having SA limits your social interaction and the amount of women you get to interact with.
I personally haven't had too much trouble with the opposite sex, but as someone with professionally diagnosed AVpD I know the struggles you are talking about.
I also have a high intimacy drive.

What can I say, apart from I hope you learn to deal with your troubles. Remember there IS someone out there for you. You just have to find them. And when you do, cherish them.
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
TLB said:
Nope, SA usually comes with a low self-esteem, so no matter how many people call you good looking, even if you believe it, you would assume people still wouldn't like you!
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They would assume people didn't like their looks or personality?
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Moses199 said:
They would assume people didn't like their looks or personality?
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You'd assume they don't like you "overall" (=looks, personality, energy/vibe, race, body type, ..). You'd also maybe feel insecure about your looks, thinking that your looks are ugly in some way; or if you are secure/confident with your looks, be wondering how its possible that you can't pull with such good looks. That is, general neurotic/irrational thinking & beliefs - which are always the thing that wreaks the havoc, not external circumstances.
 
Moses199

Moses199

Well-known member
theslowesthand said:
You'd assume they don't like you "overall" (=looks, personality, energy/vibe, race, body type, ..). You'd also maybe feel insecure about your looks, thinking that your looks are ugly in some way; or if you are secure/confident with your looks, be wondering how its possible that you can't pull with such good looks. That is, general neurotic/irrational thinking & beliefs - which are always the thing that wreaks the havoc, not external circumstances.
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Something just keep telling if i had good looks i wouldn't have any SA around girls even though many guys here said they still have SA around girls with good looks. My mind just keeps telling me i would be social comfortable around girls.
 
S

SCP-087-1

Well-known member
I'm good looking. I don't really find it hard to get a gf. But I am still at a disadvantage because of my SA. Most of the women that initially show interest in me lose interest because of my personality or because I'm shy and awkward or something. But some women don't seem to mind my SA and stick around
 
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