Uncertain about myself/strange random thoughts
I do not show the compulsive side of OCD in any noticeable way, I have some bad habbits, some minor but strange quirks, but nothing that I feel I MUST do constantly, or find myself doing to cope with any sort of anxiety. Up till recently, like most people, i though the compulsions and rituals were all their was to OCD, but after stumbling apon a few articals online and researching more, I'v just recently realized the random thoughts that go through my head are not normal.
My mind is always going, there is a few things I can do to slow it down, listening to unpredictable music like Jazz, Prog Rock and Fusion my mind settles down and the melody takes over, and something with a great story, be it TV, Movies or video games I can focus on without any random thoughts taking up space. Most of the time, well odd, there is nothing wrong with my thoughts. Thinking up entire events in my life that will never happen, conversations with anyone that will never take place, play themselves out in my mind nearly every moment of my life with almost no way to quell. Well not the worst type of thought I have, they are the ones that interfere with my life the most as I can't concentrate well I argue with illusions of people I have met (and some i have yet to meet) about nonsense and have various other unorganized unrelated thoughts going through my mind at the same time.
Unfortuantly, it doesn't stop with that. I do have intrusive violent and sexually perverted thoughts go through my head also. I see a small child and see myself punting it, walk by a person on the street and push them in to traffic, or bludgeon a friend over the head with a half empty bottle of vodca. I also at least once a day, usually more, "know" that someone close to me has just died in some horrific way.
Luckly I am sound enough of mind to know that I would never act on any of my random thoughts, and that isn't my real worry. The thing that has recently got to me is that I'v had these thoughts for so long that it took me by surprise that it wasn't "normal". In the past few months they have gotten much worse, nothing I can't cope with, as it has been a stressful time. I really don't think I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but at this rate I definitely will be making an appointment in the next week to talk to someone about this, and with the reading I have done OCD seems to be the most in line with how my mind seems to work (or at least the Obsessions), but I'm not truly qualified to judge that.
This seems like a good place to get an opinion, so from what I described. It would be nice to start at something before I see a doctor or shrink. (which I have to go to the Doctors tomorrow about a pain in my finger when I play guitar, so I shall bring it up them)