Unemployed/Sexually Inexperienced

A

Acedia

Member
I'm a 30 year old male, I'm currently unemployed and I live with my father in an apartment. I've never been in a relationship. I tried to have sex with two prostitutes, but kind of failed, due to performance anxiety. I'm currently financially dependent on my mother. I'm not sure why I'm unemployed, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at all for selfish reasons. I've always been a lazy, unmotivated person, additionally I have some performance anxiety issues (work related), and I'm not a very hedonistic or materialistic person, I get by on very little.

I have a deep need/desire to express myself, to tell people who I am, to share my thoughts and feelings about myself and the world, and make connections, but it's difficult, because I feel like I have no value. I have strengths and weaknesses like everyone, but I feel like my weaknesses trump my strengths. It's weird, because I feel like I'm a naturally charismatic and confident person, but because of my life situation, shame has kept me from the spotlight.

I just want to know, is it possible for people, especially women to see any value in someone like me? I feel so inadequate and insecure, like i don't have the right to say anything to anyone, yet I desperately need to communicate so much.
 
Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
All human beings have value, but it takes effort to cultivate a future personality and position that you enjoy more than the one you have today. I don't think many people are truly content to just stay as they are. If you want people to see your charisma, they need to see it in communication and in activities that display that. The last good thing that wasn't created by human effort was claimed around 5,000 B.C., probably.
 
A

Acedia

Member
I don't want to wait, till i get myself sorted, before i start making connections, i want to make connections right away, based on who we are deep down underneath the veneers and facades. I don't even know if that's possible for someone like me, maybe for a lot of people, since I'm so corrupt, and so much interaction is so shallow and superficial.
 
Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
Acedia said:
I don't want to wait, till i get myself sorted, before i start making connections, i want to make connections right away, based on who we are deep down underneath the veneers and facades. I don't even know if that's possible for someone like me, maybe for a lot of people, since I'm so corrupt, and so much interaction is so shallow and superficial.
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You can start making connections at any time, but there aren't a lot of opportunities living at home without a job, classes, or any plans outside of being liked, is what I'm saying. You have problems that actively hold you back from doing what you say you want.

I can meet other writers at any time, but we'll have more to connect over and talk about if we've been writing in the meantime and developing. I don't have any interest in "writers" who've been writing the same first few chapters of their novel for 10 years and who don't even read much, which I've seen one of over the years. They're simply not that into writing or fiction even if they claim to be all about it.
 
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A

Acedia

Member
Argentum said:
You can start making connections at any time, but there aren't a lot of opportunities living at home without a job, classes, or any plans outside of being liked, is what I'm saying. You have problems that actively hold you back from doing what you say you want.

I can meet other writers at any time, but we'll have more to connect over and talk about if we've been writing in the meantime and developing. I don't have any interest in "writers" who've been writing the same first few chapters of their novel for 10 years and who don't even read much, which I've seen one of over the years. They're simply not that into writing or fiction even if they claim to be all about it.
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There's plenty of opportunities on the web, I just haven't fully taken advantage of them, yet.

As someone who's stuck on the first few chapters of his life, I don't want to to make connections with people who're at the middle or near the end of the story of their lives, so much as I want make connections with people like me, I want little or nothing to do with people who're successful and who fit in, i want to speak with fellow outcasts, freaks and weirdos, perhaps we can help one another write the next few chapters of our lives together on our own terms.
 
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Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Slowly change your mentality to an "I'm valuable" state of mind. The things you believe become the things you are. If you keep telling yourself you're worthless on a daily basis, worthless is what you become. Feel free to express yourself through journals, or poems, short stories, etc.

And do things that make you feel valuable, things you enjoy doing. Let those things occupy your mind, instead of self-depricating thoughts. Find a part-time job and take it from there.
 
A

Acedia

Member
Sacrament said:
Slowly change your mentality to an "I'm valuable" state of mind. The things you believe become the things you are. If you keep telling yourself you're worthless on a daily basis, worthless is what you become. Feel free to express yourself through journals, or poems, short stories, etc.

And do things that make you feel valuable, things you enjoy doing. Let those things occupy your mind, instead of self-depricating thoughts. Find a part-time job and take it from there.
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Thank you, that's the just the sort of advice i needed to hear, because i'm no longer getting it from myself, which is something i'll have to remedy, in time.
 
williamreinsch

williamreinsch

Well-known member
I think we all in a way have something to express. You just gotta find what it is and share it with the world. Then people will see your value. Any form of art is a great way of expressing yourself especially if your quiet and socially strange like i am :)

If you're feeling too discouraged to go ahead and express yourself maybe try surrounding yourself with inspiration. I watch films all day, I listen to music, I read books and all this is like food in a sense for my expressive side. Being an introvert can be really exciting you know. I'm on my own mostly but I've visited many worlds of people maybe even as introvert as myself. I find that just as exciting or even more than a lot of activities in the real world.

I used to always be too discouraged to pursue what I wanted to really do. I just made sure to get inspiration as much as possible and just obsess over things. Now it's a been a few years of pursuing and everything is falling into place more and more. I make money from this now, I don't have to work in a warehouse. When I feel down I now have a medium to express myself and in a way let it all out.

Also another problem I encountered at the beginnings of this is having other people discourage you. Telling you it's unrealistic and such. This is so poisonous! Just ignore these people and have the most unrealistic ambition as you can! The sky is the limit it really is. These people are stuck in their boring jobs because they believe what they really want is unrealistic. Dont be that person with crushed dreams! You have one life!

I work everyday as soon as i get up till maybe 7 in the evening. And it's all because I have this ambition and know that what sets me apart is knowing that it's not impossible and I can do this because other's have done so too and they were human just like I am.

I hope this helps! :) I really waffled on and I apologize!
 
N

NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
Acedia said:
I just want to know, is it possible for people, especially women to see any value in someone like me? I feel so inadequate and insecure, like i don't have the right to say anything to anyone, yet I desperately need to communicate so much.
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Forget what we think. You need to value in yourself first. And if you don't, work on yourself. Become the person you could admire. Acquire skills and characteristics you admire most in others etc.
 
A

Acedia

Member
NamiraWilhelm said:
Forget what we think. You need to value in yourself first. And if you don't, work on yourself. Become the person you could admire. Acquire skills and characteristics you admire most in others etc.
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Agreed, I used to value myself, but as I got older, pressures began to mount, which I'm in the process of overcoming. I'm not interested in becoming anyone or anything else, more developing what's already there, a bit.
 
A

Acedia

Member
williamreinsch said:
I think we all in a way have something to express. You just gotta find what it is and share it with the world. Then people will see your value. Any form of art is a great way of expressing yourself especially if your quiet and socially strange like i am :)

If you're feeling too discouraged to go ahead and express yourself maybe try surrounding yourself with inspiration. I watch films all day, I listen to music, I read books and all this is like food in a sense for my expressive side. Being an introvert can be really exciting you know. I'm on my own mostly but I've visited many worlds of people maybe even as introvert as myself. I find that just as exciting or even more than a lot of activities in the real world.

I used to always be too discouraged to pursue what I wanted to really do. I just made sure to get inspiration as much as possible and just obsess over things. Now it's a been a few years of pursuing and everything is falling into place more and more. I make money from this now, I don't have to work in a warehouse. When I feel down I now have a medium to express myself and in a way let it all out.

Also another problem I encountered at the beginnings of this is having other people discourage you. Telling you it's unrealistic and such. This is so poisonous! Just ignore these people and have the most unrealistic ambition as you can! The sky is the limit it really is. These people are stuck in their boring jobs because they believe what they really want is unrealistic. Dont be that person with crushed dreams! You have one life!

I work everyday as soon as i get up till maybe 7 in the evening. And it's all because I have this ambition and know that what sets me apart is knowing that it's not impossible and I can do this because other's have done so too and they were human just like I am.

I hope this helps! :) I really waffled on and I apologize!
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Agreed, almost all of us but the most schizoid and/or autistic have something they want to get out of them, express, or design, or implement. We're social animals, we all want to contribute something, give something back, even if some of us don't always admit it. I already know what mine is, I like art, music and writing, material and physical things don't interest me, it's just for the last few years I've been losing the courage to do so, but I seem to be gradually regaining it.

I think I need to surround myself with people and messages that fundamentally reinforce my values and who I am as a person. Agreed, frag those people, I'm totally just into doing what I want to do, and doing what I don't want to do as little as possible, and I'd rather be dead than live any other way, and if you can make money doing what you want, then you're set.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea I agree with other posts here. You need to start liking/loving yourself a bit more.
If you don't, women will pick up on that very quickly and in most cases they find that unattractive.
You can be the ugliest son of an ogre in the land, but if you have a beautiful mindset, an attractive outlook on life, women will like that. Good luck mate.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Try volunteer work, it would help you get out of your shell a bit more without the pressure of regular work.
 
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