Unrequited Feelings

Mehh

Mehh

Active member
Feeling really crappy right now. I know that this person would never want to date me (for several reasons- differing sexual orientations, no attraction, person is already seeing somebody else). I see this person in my dreams, think about them all the time and just cannot get them out of my head. This feeling of yearning only makes my initial loneliness more severe. It gets the worst at night. I just needed to vent.

Anybody else suffering from having feelings for somebody who doesn't feel the same way?
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
Mehh said:
Feeling really crappy right now. I know that this person would never want to date me (for several reasons- differing sexual orientations, no attraction, person is already seeing somebody else). I see this person in my dreams, think about them all the time and just cannot get them out of my head. This feeling of yearning only makes my initial loneliness more severe. It gets the worst at night. I just needed to vent.

Anybody else suffering from having feelings for somebody who doesn't feel the same way?
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Can't say that I have, sorry. Though I can relate to the feeling of not being able to be with the person for whom I cared. Sucks, to put it mildly. I'm curious though as to why you chose this person in particular. Granted, sometimes we can't control who we develop feelings for, but is it possible (either unconsciously or otherwise) that you chose this person particularly because they were of another sexual orientation? And you knew, on some level, that you wouldn't be able to be with them. Apologies for psycho-analyzing, but it struck me as a possibility. A lot of us with issues do counterintuitive things for unforeseen reasons. Regardless, I hope someone or something comes along to change things. In times like these, distractions helped me.
 
DepravedFurball

DepravedFurball

Well-known member
There's always a thread of hope. Always.

Sexual orientation is mostly a choice, after all. People may claim to be 'straight' even while secretly pursuing relations with the same gender. Some 'gay' people may find themselves with an inexplicable attraction to the opposite sex...

I happen to think that the 'bi'-sexuals are the ones in the best frame of mind. They recognize attraction for what it is, and simply dismiss notions that they're *only* supposed to be with one *or* the other.


Still, all that aside, if you don't feel that it would work out, then you've got no choice than to try and focus on others who you find attractive. If you still find your thoughts lingering, focus on the qualities that you *dis*-like about them. How they chew their food. Their slightly-annoying laughter. Their haughty attitudes at times...

At some point, those emotions trapped inside of you will fade, if you want them to. However... an unrequited love might just be better than none at all, right?
 
Mehh

Mehh

Active member
Thanks for the responses, guys. I apologize for making my original post so vague, ha. I think I do know why I am attracted to her (we are both females), but I don't think it's because she is unattainable. She is basically one of my only friends, and the only good friend that I have had in a long time. So, she's pretty much one of my only sources of general warm feelings and physical contact, which are things that I really crave. So, as sad as it sounds, I think I'm crushing on her because I can't really find love anywhere else.

My feelings more or less came out of nowhere- one second, I was really glad to have her as a friend, and the next, I'm feeling like I'm falling in love with her. The issue here is that I really do let this consume me too much. I've been more angsty and pessimistic than usual about my love life lately, and have been losing sleep dwelling on the fact that something between us would be utterly impossible. I also have a bad case of that needy "I don't want to text her because I don't want to be annoying" thing. I spend a lot of time browsing articles online so I could send her one pertinent to her interests, just for an excuse to message her (because everyone loves receiving cool articles, right?).

Anyway, the whole thing's just got me really down.
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Mehh said:
Feeling really crappy right now. I know that this person would never want to date me (for several reasons- differing sexual orientations, no attraction, person is already seeing somebody else). I see this person in my dreams, think about them all the time and just cannot get them out of my head. This feeling of yearning only makes my initial loneliness more severe. It gets the worst at night. I just needed to vent.

Anybody else suffering from having feelings for somebody who doesn't feel the same way?
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I can't say for certain what her opinion of me was or is, but yes I have the same feeling, an attraction to someone who I could not imagine having any interest in me
 
drganon

drganon

Well-known member
To date, I've had one major crush on someone, who I'm 99% certain didn't feel the same way about me. I ended up trying too hard and probably came off as too strong, or too weird. Long story short, it ended up blowing up in my face big time. I've had a hard time since then when it comes to people I'm attracted to. I'm shy to begin with, but with that disaster in the back of my mind, I can't bring myself to actually let people know whatever feelings I have, or even try to strike up a conversation with them. A little voice inside my head will say "don't even bother, there is no way she could like a loser like you, so just keep walking".
 
Mehh

Mehh

Active member
drganon said:
A little voice inside my head will say "don't even bother, there is no way she could like a loser like you, so just keep walking".
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I totally know that feel. I just hate the feeling of being on a lower "league" than all of the good-looking people in the world. Whenever I meet an attractive person, I instinctively know that I have no chance and thus don't even feel very attracted to him/her, just because I know there's no point. I honestly only feel anything for people on my level looks-wise, as I know that those are the only people who would consider me.
 
Jessquietgirl

Jessquietgirl

Well-known member
I had a crush on someone a couple of months ago. Didn't end well. The guy was hanging out with two female best friends who were jealous and accused me of stealing him away. As a result, I had depression and my anxiety increased. Didn't eat. I lost so much weight from thinking too much and overanalyzing what could have and what could have not happened. This is why I want to maintain my distance from people from now on. I don't understand why everything has to end in disaster for me. No more crushing for me.
 
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sphynx

Active member
I've had a somewhat similar problem. I fell in love with this girl (not a crush - seriously in love), but she rejected me pretty strongly. I spent years thinking about her, unable to move on, until I found someone else, and she drove away the memories of the first girl pretty quickly. But here's the best part - a few years later I remembered the first girl, found her on Facebook, and asked her out again, and this time she said yes. I dated her for about 6 months before realizing that's she's boring and also has some serious issues, so we broke up, and now I'm free.
The moral of this story - there is always hope.
 
williamreinsch

williamreinsch

Well-known member
I hate this feeling. I remember having a crush on this girl in college who hung out with the popular crowd. I would always sit on my own in class and sometimes would see her look at me. I overanalyzed it and thought it meant she was into me too. I then got drunk one night and messaged her on fb saying hi. She replied and it seemed to go okay but then i told her i liked her and she never wrote back.... this was around the time i left college too... kind of good because at least i would not of had to face her at college again :S
Still at least I told her how i felt... even if she did ignore me. I guess it was better to find out maybe :) i dunno lol
 
Mehh

Mehh

Active member
Thanks for the all the replies, guys- I like hearing your stories :)

The person I have feelings for is pretty present in my life as a friend, so I've kind of just accepted my affection for her as a dull ache that I can never really act on. Sometimes I find myself feeling really angsty about it, but usually it's something that I can try to lock away whenever I'm talking to her. The thing I struggle with most is probably the whole "But I feel like we are perfect for each other" feeling. But, it is what it is.
 
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NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
Just experienced unrequited love for the first time. Was with him six months, said the l word, got dumped. Given how mental I am lol I was bedridden for five days and have cried everyday for a month... really starting to believe you can't sustain a relationship with social anxiety, unless they have it they just don't get you....
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Sorry about this. You wouldn't want to date her though. What if you broke up? It's hard to be friends with someone after that. She's with someone else so there's no choice but to find someone else.
 
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sorrow1

Well-known member
I have been in this position twice before. Sometimes the feelings are more overpowering than anything else. The problem is and this is speaking from experience the more time you spend with the person the worse things get and can lead to serious obsession and even deppression. It's easy to cling to little signs that you think they are giving you that fuels your hope and you read wrongly into things but when still nothing materialises you get more obsessed the longer it goes on till it gets to the point that person is all you think about and it affects your job and other friendships.
You need to get clarity and find out how they feel for better or for worse as its the only way to move forward. No one likes rejection but you can get over that in time.Sometimes as sad as it sounds you need to cut them out of your life altogether even if they are your friend as all though they are maybe nice and kind to you they are making your situation worse. Either that or try dating someone else, its a good distraction and you may grow to like that person more and more and the feelings for the other person might diminish and fade away.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

Well-known member
NamiraWilhelm said:
Just experienced unrequited love for the first time. Was with him six months, said the l word, got dumped. Given how mental I am lol I was bedridden for five days and have cried everyday for a month... really starting to believe you can't sustain a relationship with social anxiety, unless they have it they just don't get you....
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:sad:. Sorry that happened to you. That's actually a sort of worry I have. I've always felt that when you feel that you love someone you should tell them, as long as you are sure you mean it and actually love them and not the idea of them, but there's always that chance of the other person not being on the same page. Vulnerability can be scary.
 
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