Was I wrong in the situation? :(

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
A few weeks ago, my family and (including my sister and nephew) we shopping in walmart to get some groceries and shop for clothes. So, my mother, sister, nephew, and I were in the clothes section as we looked around for shirts(although my mother and sister both know this isn't one of my favorite hobbies to do in Target.) As usual, my nephew was supre hyper and rambunctious so my sister suggested that maybe I could walk him around the store for a little bit while her and my mom would still be in the clothes section.) I agreed to it and took my nephew's hand as we both walked out of the clothes section (not too far away from where my sister and mom were) and I walked him back and forth down the aisles. Well, within a few minutes, he seemed to have seen there were toys sitting on a shelf and was pulling on my hand for me to come with him. Now, I know my sister doesn't want her son to have any toys from there because she probably thinks he might think we're buying it for him.


So then I tried to pull him back, telling him gently "Come on, we'll get you something else." Though, as always, he refused to listen and kept tugging on my arm for me to take him to the toys. I told him gently, but firmly "No, we can't take those toys yet." Keep in mind, I didn't shout at him at all so I was trying to be as patient with him as possible. I tried to pull him away from the toys, but he still wouldn't budge. It was like playing a tug of war game trying to get him to come the other direction. He kept saying "No jamie, come here." I could tell he was beginning to get more and more frustrated as I told him we couldn't take those toys. I knew if I would've given him those toys anyways, my sister would say "Why would you give him that?" It seemed that the more I tried to pull him away from the toys, the more he was begging and insisting for me to get one of those toys for him off the shelf.

He would also try to pry my hand off his arm or pull away from me as hard as he could. If that wasn't worse enough, I could see that some people were staring as they walked passed us. It made me feel very uncomfortable and awkward have to deal with a situation where I can't get help. But then suddenly, my nephew just decided to plop on the floor and lay there! I'm not kidding. I pulled on his arm and he just plopped on the ground just like that! Whenever I attempted to pick him up, he'd refuse to stand up. It's like he used his whole weight (he's not fat) that it made it harder for me to get him to stand up straight. He just wanted to lie on the ground. I even tried to call either my mom or sister for help (I wasn't that far from them), but I don't think they could hear me anyways. I told him to please stand up, but he kept saying no.

So then after a few minutes of awkward stares from people, I finally got him to stand up as I grabbed his arm. I've never felt so embarassed though. I mean I didn't yell at him or hit him for being like that. But I just felt so helpless and humiliated in that situation where probably the people around me must've thought I was abusing him. I then took him straight back to the clothes section. But wait, here comes the shocker! I told my mother and my sister what happened, but when I did my nephew suddenly let go of my hand. My mother was telling me jaime why don't you go walk him around some more.

Though when I tried to reach out for his hand again, he kinda gave me a slap on it. Like he didn't want me touching him. I had to tell them that he wanted those toys from the shelf so I tried my best to keep him away from there. But then as soon I said that, my nephew grabbed for my mother's hand and gave me this glaring look. I tried to tell them over again and again what happened, but they just laughed and my mom goes "Oh wow, I'm surprised you came over to me. Alright I'll walk with you." Something like that.


My nephew and my mother then walked past me and down the aisles where I was walking him. I couldn't help but think to myself, what the f*ck? I mean, really??? I just don't understand what was so wrong of me for doing what I did.

My sister knows that she doesn't want him touching any of those toys and I knew that was part of my responsibility. I feel that everytime I think I'm doing the right thing, it usually tends to backfire in the worst way possible. I actually felt a bit depressed afterwards now that that had happened. You know, I'm not gonna lie. I know I used to be like that too, when I didn't get things my way and I started throwing tantrums the same way my nephew does. Though I was actually expected to behave more appropriately and be nicer.

In this situation, that doesn't seem to be the case. They actually made him think that I'm probably an ******* for what I did back there, but I knew I had to whether he liked it or not. There was a reason why I didn't let him touch those toys as I've been stating. Though my sister and mother just decided to brushed it aside like it was nothing and carried on what they were doing. I just can't believe that it's like not matter what I do or say, it never results to positive outcomes. I feel that people will just despise me no matter what. Of course, I guess maybe its what I deserve after all.
 
I don't think you did anything wrong, and from my reading of your post, I don't gather that your mother and sister thought you did anything wrong, either.

Kids can be difficult. They make noise, they don't listen, they embarrass the people they're with, and they have way more energy and drive to do the wrong thing than their caregivers have to stop them. It's just the way kids are, and everybody knows that. Most people experience a situation like that and just think the kid is being a little A-hole. That doesn't reflect poorly on you.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I don't think you did anything wrong, and from my reading of your post, I don't gather that your mother and sister thought you did anything wrong, either.

Kids can be difficult. They make noise, they don't listen, they embarrass the people they're with, and they have way more energy and drive to do the wrong thing than their caregivers have to stop them. It's just the way kids are, and everybody knows that. Most people experience a situation like that and just think the kid is being a little A-hole. That doesn't reflect poorly on you.

I feel as though had the situation be turned around, my mother and father would be the ones to say "Jaime, you shouldn't do that." It was the fact they brushed it aside, even when they saw him slap my hand, they didn't say anything. They laughed and probably expected me to play along, but I just feel treated like a slave. I mean, I am trying to help out in taking care of these kids as well and making sure they're not hurt or into trouble. I know if it were my mother walking him and she had to explain me and my sister the very same exact thing that happened, I already know her by now that she would feel pissed as much as I felt if I were to ignore what she had to say and take my nephew's hand to walk him instead. Trust me, she never tolerates when things like that happen to her. I know she would deem what I'd be doing as disrespecting her. But really, I don't really feel anyone of my family members commend for doing anything around to help out. I'm always left feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything out of what I'm doing.
 
I feel as though had the situation be turned around, my mother and father would be the ones to say "Jaime, you shouldn't do that." It was the fact they brushed it aside, even when they saw him slap my hand, they didn't say anything. They laughed and probably expected me to play along, but I just feel treated like a slave. I mean, I am trying to help out in taking care of these kids as well and making sure they're not hurt or into trouble. I know if it were my mother walking him and she had to explain me and my sister the very same exact thing that happened, I already know her by now that she would feel pissed as much as I felt if I were to ignore what she had to say and take my nephew's hand to walk him instead. Trust me, she never tolerates when things like that happen to her. I know she would deem what I'd be doing as disrespecting her. But really, I don't really feel anyone of my family members commend for doing anything around to help out. I'm always left feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything out of what I'm doing.

I'm the second oldest of 8 kids in my family, and I've always had to help out with stuff like that. I often felt that it was thankless work, or that I was being taken advantage of. At one point, I recognized how I was feeling and decided that it didn't matter if the work was thankless, I was going to do it because I thought it needed to be done, and not because anybody else wanted me to. I decided it was more important to be helpful than to feel helpful. From the sound of things, you are being helpful, and you should be proud of that. If other people don't recognize that or commend you for it, that's a fault on their end, not yours.
 
If you did humour your nephew => Your sister would have been pissed at you.

If you hadn't kept your cool with your nephew => Onlookers could have had a worse reaction + maybe your sister could have been upset with you about it.

As simple as that.

That's just the way children are, as far as I am concerned, you handled it like an absolute boss, because this resulted in the less worse outcome.
 
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onlyhuman

Member
No, you weren't wrong FriendlyShadow, quite the opposite in fact. You were trying to do the right thing and you're obviously a good aunty to your nephew. If anything your sister could've confirmed to your mother that you were just doing what she asked, so as to avoid a misunderstanding, and your mother could've been a bit more understanding towards you knowing you were in a stressful situation to begin with. But none of those things happened, so I'm sorry about that. You're a good person FriendlyShadow, and conscientious. Your nephew will be happy to have you as his aunty.

All the best.
 
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FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
Thank you for everyone's replies. :) Well, actually don't have to blame nephew because he's only a kid, but I'm just more upset how my sister and my mother literally ignored what I had to tell them and somewhat put me in a positition of being the bad guy. They didn't even bother just telling him that it's wrong or just say "That's not nice". They didn't say anything to help me out and that's why I felt pissed off. I just feel like I keep making regrets, doubting myself for making the choices that I've made. In a way, it could be thankless work. I just didn't understand why they coddled him for doing that and the fact that they didn't care to listen to what I had to say made me feel pretty disrespected. He should learn when he can't have things his way sometimes, but my sister doesn't even teach him that. I felt like I helped out for nothing just to be placed as being the bad guy as always.
 
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