was rejected and then judged

I developed this crush on a lawyer that was working on a case for my mother. I was involved only to help her understand(her english isn't very good.) I ended up communicating with him through email(of course) cause talking over phone would be too difficult for me. Well, I met him once for my mom so he could recap where we were in the case. He was so cute. I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring so I knew he was off limits. Over the next couple of months we emailed each other about the case. But, strangely, and maybe some of you will understand, I developed a fondness for him. I can't remember the last time I had that much contact with a person.
He seemed so helpful(duh, he's getting paid a fortune defending my mom's case) and I guess I started to convince myself that maybe he was possibly someone I would date one day(when he was no longer married.) I have been SO LONELY for years, not having one friend, no hope of developing a romance because of my severe social anxiety, and I grew attached to him. I started convincing myself that maybe, just maybe, he was legally separated but only wearing the ring so colleagues wouldn't pry because maybe he wasn't ready to let others know of his marital troubles. But I could not be certain, of course, short of asking him directly.
Well, the case ended, the bill was paid. I still knew his email, so I emailed him and told him that I had grown to like him and if one day he happened to find himself single again, to call me. And I left him my phone number.
He responded by saying he was a happily married man and that I was being very inappropriate. He understood I wasn't suggesting he cheat on his wife but that if he were ever available, to then call me. And then he repeated that I was still being highly inappropriate and that he would not respond to any emails unless they were business related.

I think he could have been more kind in getting his point across. But, I do realize he doesn't understand my circumstances(my desperate loneliness.) Could someone out there be a friend and tell me I'm not a terrible person?

FYI, I would never be anyone's mistress and I would never try to convince a guy to leave his wife for me. I'm not judging others if it's something they would do, but it's just not my style. I want a guy who only wants me. Just for the record in case it wasn't understood.

I know JUST how you feel so much! It is extremely painful knowing that the love you have for someone isn't requited but even more hurtful still when you find out that you've been rejected like that. I say this because me and unrequited love have been best friends ever since elementary school when I was first played emotionally by two other third graders and I have been single for 30 years...there's nothing wrong with me on the outside, I'm just shy.

Here is my own story: Met a girl in a first-aid class in community college once. Long story short I misread the signs from her to say the least and convinced myself into thinking she was interested in me...wrong idea with a capital "W". I waited for five hours outside of an elevator at the college waiting for her to pass by hoping I could work up the courage to say something but I never did say anything. I sucked up every last ounce of courage I had in my body to tell her I had a crush on her outside of one of the buildings before we both left for our cars to go home and do you know what she told me? She said "I'm married"...only two icy cold words and left me standing there in the drizzling rain while I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach. I said something weakly like "Just thought you should know..." behind her back when she walked away but she only turned over her shoulder to look back as if she was scared I would run her down or something, it made me feel worse.

If that girl was going to be nasty to me when I pour my heart out to her then her husband is the one that has to put up with her occasionally cold heart, I'm not the one stuck with someone like that and in the end I figured out better what I don't need (or want) in a potential partner.
If the lawyer's wife is stuck with someone that can't empathize with how someone else feels then he is her problem, not yours and a rejection like that is in no way whatsoever a barometer of your self worth in any remote aspect, neither is it for me when I am rejected.

I understand this is a tough feeling for you, but although he is married he is also required by law not to get into romantic relationships with clients. You were a client in a way and he has to be professional about these things. I'm being taught this at school for being a nursing assistant which probably has similar rules about client/worker relationship. Don't feel bad though I fantasize about being with people too. It's human nature, the trick is don't get attached cause that will hurt you in the end.

dannyboy65 said:

I understand this is a tough feeling for you, but although he is married he is also required by law not to get into romantic relationships with clients. You were a client in a way and he has to be professional about these things. I'm being taught this at school for being a nursing assistant which probably has similar rules about client/worker relationship. Don't feel bad though I fantasize about being with people too. It's human nature, the trick is don't get attached cause that will hurt you in the end.

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The case ended and the bill was paid and she emailed the lawyer after everything was said and done, right? If she is no longer a "client" is he still under obligation to act professional?

Hot_Tamale said:

The case ended and the bill was paid and she emailed the lawyer after everything was said and done, right? If she is no longer a "client" is he still under obligation to act professional?

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I think he would be ause it would look unprofessional if he started to date a former client. All I know is I am told to keep personal life and work life separated and she was part of his work life. He needs those professional boundaries.

He may have been trying to cover his own butt more so than judge your moral fiber. Theres no telling how much trust is between him and his wife. So if for example, hes already in trouble with his wife for being a tad too friendly with other women or if shes actually caught him cheating, the last thing he'd want is her reading an email saying he would hold onto your number. Thats the thing about emails, they can be forwarded and copied so you dont wanna say anything in a message you cant risk anyone seeing.

Thanks to all of you for your support. Your words have made such a difference.

Hot_Tamale, you were even less deserving of the rejection you received. I'm sorry that happened to you. And you're right. My ideal man would never respond to someone that way and I'm better off. He's his wife's problem. I learned from his response that we wouldn't have succeeded as a couple, anyway. Maybe one day when he's older, have been through a bitter divorce, is disillusioned and has been desperately lonely for a long time, maybe he'll remember how he responded to me and understand then how he was wrong to be so cold to someone who was simply reaching out to another human being. Maybe it will even happen to him.

I wish people could be kinder, you know? I've given it a lot of thought over the years as to why people are mean to others and for no apparent reason, and it has to be that they are simply angry towards themselves and projecting that onto others. I guess we have to learn not to take it personally. It's tough not to, though.