Ways to make friends

Golden Beam

Active member
Well the thing is that I need friends in real life, since I have none. That is where I'm at right now. All my old friends have moved & not in touch anymore. It wasn't so bad when I was working, and although I did talk with my co-workers I never really became friends with any of them. My shyness for most of my life has prevented me on learning how to make new friends. I would like to get out there and find people, just not sure really how to go about it or where to look.
 

Argentum

Well-known member
I'm in the same spot.

I've been asking around on what I'd need to do to start something like a chess club or a young writer's group on campus so that I have a group of like minds to talk to at the very least. Loneliness and the resulting damage to motivation and mood is the most pressing issue at this point. I've done my own reading to get ready, but all the websites out there I looked to for advice on advertising and drawing people in suggested that I started with a core group of friends to ensure that there's activity to draw people in with in the first place.

Ha. Ha ha.

But, yeah, you might be able to drum up some interest of your own if you're feeling daring. I'd go to meet ups, but it's too far to the ones I'd actually enjoy or they only meet at times I can't attend.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
You have to be able to step out of your comfort zone and be genuinely interested in what people do and say. If you truly show interest in what others are saying to you face to face, they'll like that. Then, if your personalities are similar and don't repel each other, try to hang out with them after work by asking them what they like doing.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
Finding common interests seems to work for most people. Might be easier to talk about that too. It can be hard though if your interests are very unique.
 
I wish all the good luck for those in their 30s trying to restart their social lives.
I had many friends during my 20s. I had no problems, even when I was introvert for many years, people would just try to hang out with me, both from work, university or any course I was in. I miss those days. Now I am nothing more than a thumbnail on their facebook pages. I really tried to see them again more frequently but they started families and new social circles. I never thought it would just seem so impossible to make freinds or date someone again.
This is getting me really depressed.
I think hobbies are the only way to improve something in my age and situation.

God, getting older just seems more and more grim, that's the message I've been getting lately here anyway. Not that it's anyone's fault, it's just scary and depressing. It's like with each year you're heading further and further down a path of complete isolation (if you're not there already).
 

akala

Well-known member
Are you religious? maybe that is a way. If you aren't, then do you have any hobbies? My city used to have a public observatory where you could look at stars every wednesady evening, it's a really cool way to meet other people, now that I'm busy i don't go as much but keep in contact with some. I also get in contact with old friends that I used t hang out with ad catch up, some people i have coffee with once and then we never speak again which is okay with me, but some people it's like we're stil lgood friends. Hope this helps, good luck.
 

Deco

Well-known member
You have to be able to step out of your comfort zone and be genuinely interested in what people do and say. If you truly show interest in what others are saying to you face to face, they'll like that. Then, if your personalities are similar and don't repel each other, try to hang out with them after work by asking them what they like doing.
That's why I think that some hobbies and new activities can be a good way to get out of your confort zone. I managed to make some good friends in my drawing course. When you show your interests, many times it is the more extrovert people who will actually try to befriend you.
 

Argentum

Well-known member
That's why I think that some hobbies and new activities can be a good way to get out of your confort zone. I managed to make some good friends in my drawing course. When you show your interests, many times it is the more extrovert people who will actually try to befriend you.

That would be heaven.

Unfortunately, has not yet happened to me.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Making friends from scratch when you have SA is something that will take take at least one year to accomplish, probably longer.

Unfortunately most people aren't willing to go through the grinder of trying for that long at something that is painful, because yes, there will be days that will be painful in trying to make friends.

Setting goals is vital in doing this. You need a direction to go in and goals can give you a sense of accomplishment as you go on your journey.

I could go on about this but I don't want to write too much text.

In short, join every social group you can. Go out to social events every day. Join every sporting team you can.

The biggest hurdle is getting out of your house and placing your body around people. People that have trouble meeting people are the same people that are sitting at home watching tv every day.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
common interests give people something to talk about. If you have a 'doing' interest, well that's even better.
When people come together with the sole purpose of just standing around talking (such as BBQ's, at pubs etc) I'm totally hopeless. But if there is something we are all 'doing' (photography, hiking, painting, gaming etc etc) it makes for a much more enjoyable experience.
I think its because people are for the most part focused on the 'doing' part themselves and less on the people around them. It gives you something to talk about and to watch together.
For me there is nothing worse than standing around waiting for the next person to say the next 'interesting' thing..
 

Megaten

Well-known member
God, getting older just seems more and more grim, that's the message I've been getting lately here anyway. Not that it's anyone's fault, it's just scary and depressing. It's like with each year you're heading further and further down a path of complete isolation (if you're not there already).

Yeah I can attest to that being in my 30s. Unless you put a lot of effort into it, its easy to lose contact with friends that start making families. But there are social groups in my city were older people can meet and do things since its known to be difficult.
 
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