We accept the love we think we deserve.
It's a quote from a novel, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky.
This explains so much in my life, regarding my relationships to my family, friends and lovers. I always thought that I did not deserve them and their love, because of my low self-esteem. I wouldn't let friends get too close, and with my boyfriend (and previous partners) I was trying not to get too close. I remember the time when he said that he loves me, and I felt the same way about him. But I did not believe him, even tried to convince him that he is just falling in love with an idea, and basically pushing him away when he got too close. I'm lucky to have such a patient boyfriend, I guess, because everything turned out well.
Call me a cynic, but I always go for low expectations regarding to relationships. I do not take him for granted for sure that way. It makes me cherish and appreciate what I have right now much more. I still think I don't deserve his love. From time to time, though, when I'm alone, I think about it, accept the fact that he truly loves me, and just get teary eyes out of sheer gratitude.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." I think especially we are affected by it because of our low self-esteem and confidence, our fear of people, our constant anxiety what people think of us, and so forth. Makes me also wonder if we all ever would have a successful relationship. I guess we likely won't, if we push our partners away, burden them with our insecurities and issues, unless we have a really really patient and understanding partner.
I think that's why I want to change myself. For him.