we all crave attention really?

i know having SA, we hate attention all on us. but if you think about it, we wud love attention.
how many of us wud love to be da funny one? da one dat makes everyone laugh, da one everyone wants to hang with, da one everyone fancies (i know ders bad in everything, but i mean in general). da bubbly one who's always got something to say dat people wanna hear?

funnily (or maybe not..just seemed like da right word to start of with ), i never wanted to be seen as one of da popular girls, i never liked them. i never wanted every man to fancy me (in so many words) and i never wanted to be da funny, entertaining one all da time (probably becoz of da pressure to carry it on). i wanted to be ME and get attention for dat. altho ive made good friends (who i havent spoken to or seen in god-knows-how-long, but dats another long story), it's never enough for me. anyone ever felt like if da popular kid (even tho you didnt like dem) wanted to hang around with you, it meant more? if da best lookin boy was after you it meant more? i dunno. not really a question....

Hmm,i am me that will do thanks,i dont need to be put in some catagory to tell me who i am as i am who ever i want to be,i dont like to be branded like that i never wished to be any type of person just to do well as me.

i can agree with what you're saying Skyla, and i don't think you're meaning to label people, i think what you're saying is it's like compliments, eveyone likes to be noticed and appreciated, and praised. having people know you EXIST. i think everyone wants that but social norms and judgements keep us from that basic human need

Chilling__Echo said:

i can agree with what you're saying Skyla, and i don't think you're meaning to label people, i think what you're saying is it's like compliments, eveyone likes to be noticed and appreciated, and praised. having people know you EXIST. i think everyone wants that but social norms and judgements keep us from that basic human need

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yer, dats what im saying. i didnt mean wanting to be someone else and not who you are (personality etc) if dats how it came out.
and i didnt literally mean centre of attention. i meant just getting some recognition, being noticed in the same way some others do (no matter what "type" they fit into). da whole popular, geeky thing was an example.

I definately don't want to be the center of attention. That freaks me out, but I guess I do want to feel like I am noticed and not feel like I am invisible. That would be nice.

Maybe we crave or really just want love and acceptance and cos of in social situations we know we are not being our true selves the loneliness or feeling of lack sets in. I'm kind of over the problems now but hey they could resurface of course anytime and I won't mind. If you don't believe within yourself you are beautiful, fun, great to be with no matter how much another tells you that and gives you attention, you won't believe it. As we know you can be shy but not socially phobic anyway and visa versa, it's not the worlds responsibility to help us feel better really. I recommend not waiting for another person to deliver to you what you want, go out and get it for yourself, love yourself, give yourself attention and respect and nurture who you are right now.

JJenny said:

I recommend not waiting for another person to deliver to you what you want, go out and get it for yourself, love yourself, give yourself attention and respect and nurture who you are right now.

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definately. i agree. somtimes i think if someone said they loved me etc, then i wud believe them and start to feel better and start to believe in myself more. but it doesnt matter what positive i get, i always find a negative or i never really believe it. the trouble is i find it so difficult to love myself. i need other people to make me feel good coz i cant do it by myself. and now its not just about who i am, its also about where i am. i have only one "real" friend, i dont go out much. im quite lonely, how do you not feel embarrassed about dat? how do you explain that to someone or how wud you not feel scared they'd find out?

JJenny said:

Maybe we crave or really just want love and acceptance and cos of in social situations we know we are not being our true selves the loneliness or feeling of lack sets in. I'm kind of over the problems now but hey they could resurface of course anytime and I won't mind. If you don't believe within yourself you are beautiful, fun, great to be with no matter how much another tells you that and gives you attention, you won't believe it. As we know you can be shy but not socially phobic anyway and visa versa, it's not the worlds responsibility to help us feel better really. I recommend not waiting for another person to deliver to you what you want, go out and get it for yourself, love yourself, give yourself attention and respect and nurture who you are right now.

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I completely agree with that.
I'm always "in guard" against my fuckin desire of being loved by others. It actually is niothing but trying to get someone else saying "hey lad you rulez" or "you are worthwhile" you see... we need somebody telling us that we are something just becaus we don't like ourselves. We are ashamed of ourselves. ¿How to fix this up?
(sorry if my English is not proper enough... I came from out space and i'm a little bit drunk right now jajaja)

oh shit I forgot to say something.
Yes, I am the typical guy who seems to have a special skill to become ALWAYS the f***ing de center of attención. I often become the center of attention even when I didn't meant to be. It's my fate you see. Some people even hate me because they envy this abylity to be "the focus". To be accurate I always feel like I've constantly got a focus focused on me (you know, that strong light in a live performance that is focused on the artist) so that everiyone can't help not looking at me (wow how difficult is it to say such complicated things in English when it is not your mother tonge)

So that's how I always feel: like having a strong light pointing at me from above so that everyone looks at me and I always become just like a walking advertising jajja and wherever I go at any time of the day there is people looking at me. ¿is that happening to you too?

That is interesting! I think I've realised something thank you 9th passenger so much. People have always "expected" me to do something and to be the centre of attention and I'm so not that - fear of failure and fear of success and it's consequences....animosity, jealousy and just plain loneliness. When I did win in sports or anything someone would say some remark and the pain of that was enough to give up the sport or at least competing in anything Even as a tiny little girl I was put in the centre stage and horrified but you don't say no to the teacher or make your parents sad, hated attention with a passion so much I got stage fright and that is my first recall of fear of being publicly humiliated and I blushed up a storm and created the monster of social anxiety! When that happens initially you kind of feel alone with it but also feel like the whole world must realise your fear....that makes it kind of odd.
People went on to expect from me, (and still do) and I got labelled as being snooty and aloof but I was simply scared and I wish from the start I could have said so but I did not have the awareness of today. I used to envy people who were naturally shy cos at least they were being natural and I tried just living the shy girl life, but it is not my true self so that bombed out. I just want to be happy, simply happy.
I think I need to process this in my mind for a while, I thank you again x

I want attention

Me too! :lol:

me umm three? if there's room for a third that is..*sigh*

O.K, everyone look at LittleMissScareAll and BlackMamba, smile at them and wave. It is great to see you two back here!.

:lol: OoooO cool hey there 4myself and lostboi *waves back frantically*

McShy said:

I usually end up being the center of attention every time I go to a party etc. That's what's killing me..I'm shy, but I act like I'm not.....I've become schizo.....Why couldn't I just be outgoing, with no hangups, then all would be perfect!

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Same for me.. that's killing me too.. I thought (or maybe I was thinking) I was an abnormal SA guy..

I think almost all of us (especially social phobics) want companionship, be it platonic or romantic/erotic/sexual. We all want to be cared about and conversed with: we all want to be viewed as something worthy and attractive. Ultimately, it may be that shyness is a manifestation of an overwhelming fear of loneliness. Social phobics fear attention because attention may lead to negative judgment. We fear negative judgment because it leads others (those with more confidence) to put themselves "above us" : to ignore us or, worse, humiliate us. Humiliation leads to social alienation (no one wants to be associated with a "loser") which leads to loneliness. We don't necessarily want attention in an egotistical sense; we want to be loved and accepted.

LittleMissScareAll said:

I want attention

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black_mamba said:

Me too! :lol:

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Hello, black_mamba & LittleMissScareAll

I agree, sometimes I desparately want people to pay attention to me and to recognize something I did or even the fact that I'm there, but when they do I totally freak out, I stutter and blush. Even though I wanted them to notice me. Maybe it's like they said we just want to know that we're appreciated.