What are you like when people talk to you?

nesh

Well-known member
What are you like when you need to talk. When someone else talks to you, someone you know or a stranger, do you panic and say the first thing that comes into your head or do you just stay quiet or what?

I always panic which means I am never myself and end up rejecting the other person by giving such a quick and short answer, I don't give anything for them to work with. If someone asks me how I am? I'll say fine, or OK, or not bad without even thinking. Which isn't true, I'm just panicking. Or worst case, mostly when I'm with people for a long period of time I get so panicky that I need to fill in all the silences, I end up looking really stupid and when I get home it feels like a really bad hang over, why did I say all that shit?
 

Vancouver

Well-known member
I usually just cut their throat. Plain and simple.

No, but seriously (lol) - it's weird, because sometimes I freeze up. And then other times, I'll just be all cocky without thinking about it and I'll end up giving off vibes like whatever I'm doing is more important than them.

So hey, I can't win. And that's when my social anxiety disappeared for good.
 

Joldo

Active member
I just panic, I usually end up saying whatever will get me out of the social situation the fastest.
 

xSleepy

Well-known member
i try to keep my cool, even though ide be extremly uncomfortable. in these situations im always thinking to myself, "stay calm, act natural... its ok, there just people." sometimes that helps calm me down, but im always gonna be nervous no matter what.

and ya, i usually do just say whatever comes to mind without even thinking too much about it. im usually too nervous to think. haha
 

recluse

Well-known member
It depends on the person. I'm naturally more intimidated by some people. But usually i feel like i am a rabbit stuck in the headlights, and sort of get a panicky feeling.
 

silentbutdeadly

Well-known member
I usually just say as short an answer as possible, even though I might have a LOT more to say, although most of the time my brain shuts down in these situations. I always end up thinking about the conversation later on and thinking, "man, THAT's what I should have said! That would have been so witty."

And of course, I can never maintain eye contact when I'm speaking. I also sometimes drift off in the middle of or before saying something, and pretend somehow to be too preoccupied on something (mainly by focusing my eyes on something other than the person I'm talking to, usually looking downward) to talk to the person. I think subconsciously I'm just wishing that the social situation would just go away, and I do absolutely whatever I can to make the time go faster.

And ALL of this occurs as if I'm on auto-pilot.
 

shon

Well-known member
I smile nervously and think okay, say something back. Then it's usually something stupid and the other person looks confused or wonders what the hell my problem is. Okay, maybe I worry too much about it! Either way, if someone talks to me, I'm focused on the wrong things. I just wish they'd quit talking and let me go!
 

dottie

Well-known member
wow, that's just how i am! i have a hard time with eye contact. 99.999% of what i say is solely panicky/reactive/auto pilot. i feel like a fraud (and a bit guilty) because i panic and say whatever bullshit comes out of my mouth. it is a coping mechanism to get the social situation at hand over with as quickly as possible. the person is often left confused, put off, thinking i'm dumb, or ____ (fill in blank). people can take it in so many different ways. i often feel so out of control as to how i come across. it is all very exhausting.

i wish i was eloquent, demure, cool, calm, and collected.
i wish i had the clarity to conjure sincere things to say.
i wish i wasn't so wrapped up in panic that i had the energy to care about others more.
i am tired of coping. i want normalcy.

it is a subconcious preoccupation that is hard wired in me.

edit: oh yeah and my body language is usually very, very tense. i fidget, my shoulders are kind of lifted, i don't look at anyone, i don't usually talk to anyone unless they initiate it and my responses, as i stated above, are usually generic, preconcieved, parrot-like, one-word replies. sometimes i will force myself to small-talk if certain situations allow for me to feel room (comfortable) enough to do so.

i am at my worst in the work environment. i am at my best when i am shopping by myself (no tag alongs to feel guilty about infringing on their time or to have watch/wait on me)- not that i really have to talk to anyone. maybe i just feel happy because of the whole retail therapy aspect. :p
 

alter_ego

Well-known member
Most of the time I feel very uneasy with most people. Sort of all on edge and burning up inside, if anyone can relate? (Tho I'm lucky enough not to blush.) Which is why nobody would ever guess I'm socially phobic.

Like yesterday I was in a shoe shop and I could see the assistant heading towards me and I'm thinking all the usual anxious thoughts about her thinking me stupid (and screaming inside for her to go away) but when she asks do I need any help I just smile brightly and say, "No, thanks, I'm fine." Then when I go to the cash desk after a while I give another bright smile and an "I'll take these thanks" and I'm overwhelmingly relieved to get out!

But I'm something of a contradiction. I'll often start conversations myself, especially in work where I know people from other sections. It's just small talk, like about the weather, and they'd never dream how uncomfortable I actually feel (I'm known to be chatty and friendly! 8O ) or how much more relaxed I feel the moment I'm on my own.

And there are some people I feel v.comfortable with, a couple of friends and some family members, for instance, and who I can talk to with ease for hours.

I think if that horrible unease with most people would only go away I'd be cured of social phobia forever! :roll:
 

zlench

Well-known member
I just try to say either yes or no to a coverstation. Like when I'm at work I just try and keep my answers short and keep out of social situations.
 

PhantomPod

Well-known member
I usually do an alright job at keeping my cool when talking to people, so long as they were the one to initiate the conversation. I do seem to kill the conversation pretty often though, because I don't know how to keep a conversation going and I don't know what to say so I just say short answers.
 

maximo12

Member
Most of the time I go all nervous and try to reply as calm as possible (with some nervous laughter after. Probably blushing.)
Other times I surprise myself and act like me. (All hyper and carefree, which I wish I could be all the time.) Usually when I act like myself its with people I may not know, but are unintimidating to me. Im usually around my friends when im acting this way, but not always.
 

LovelyMissMadi

Active member
I think I tend to appear calm (minus the slight shakiness of my hands), but I talk really quiet and am often asked to repeat myself. It sort of sucks... but I get through it.
I found that "exposing" myself helps to calm me down for the next social situation. And practicing diaphragmatic breathing. And convincing myself that the danger isn't real.
Anyway, I appear the complete opposite of what I'm feeling, which is totally freaked out and nervous. There's some points in time when I can't even get my mouth open to say anything at all. I just smile.
 

fibri

Member
When I am comfortable with people I joke around a lot and have a childish sense of fun. But usually, I am so worried that people will think I'm stupid that I always try to find something intelligent to say. So I have the reputation of being a) smart, b) intimidating, 3) a know-it-all and 4) deadly serious.

People respect me, but they usually don't like me, not at first at least. My (few) friends tell me I freaked them out at first till they realised I was a nice and surprisingly warm-hearted person underneath the cold exterior!

One friend tells me she wishes she were as smart as I am. I always answer that I'd trade it all in to be just one tenth as popular as she is! She knows I cannot handle social situations. Recently she has talked me into joining a book club to try to help me get out more. I appreciate her kindness, but I don't think the others in the club like me much. They find me intimidating. I exhaust myself trying to be just friendly and open but find it hard to stop myself being distant. I feel like an outsider, which doesn't help.

This sums up my behaviour on most social occasions! But I don't get invited out much, I wonder why? LOL :wink:
 

Quickslash

Active member
It depends on the setting, my mood and the person. If it's someone I don't know, i'm going to be guarded...not letting them past a certain point. If it's a friend, I just keep it as real as possible with them...I let people know how I feel through body language.
 

Tryin

Well-known member
nesh said:
What are you like when you need to talk. When someone else talks to you, someone you know or a stranger, do you panic and say the first thing that comes into your head or do you just stay quiet or what?

I always panic which means I am never myself and end up rejecting the other person by giving such a quick and short answer, I don't give anything for them to work with. If someone asks me how I am? I'll say fine, or OK, or not bad without even thinking. Which isn't true, I'm just panicking. Or worst case, mostly when I'm with people for a long period of time I get so panicky that I need to fill in all the silences, I end up looking really stupid and when I get home it feels like a really bad hang over, why did I say all that shit?

Sounds quite like me these days. I'm just so frustrated, so tired of it. I am such a good person, I am so intiligent, so funny, so loving, so potentialy USEFUL. Yet I can't, CAN'T show it to anyone.

I'd panick and then continue panicking more and more and more and MORE, because the thought of me panicking gets me... well, panicking.

I feel like people are laghing at me. I feel like people are pitying me.

(I laugh at myself. I pity myself. I abhor myself.)

This suck. And this is my life.

Please let me pour my heart out. This is my current reality: I know someone might find it negative or destructive. But it's how I feel right now.
 

shynobody

Well-known member
silentbutdeadly said:
I usually just say as short an answer as possible, even though I might have a LOT more to say, although most of the time my brain shuts down in these situations. I always end up thinking about the conversation later on and thinking, "man, THAT's what I should have said! That would have been so witty."

And of course, I can never maintain eye contact when I'm speaking. I also sometimes drift off in the middle of or before saying something, and pretend somehow to be too preoccupied on something (mainly by focusing my eyes on something other than the person I'm talking to, usually looking downward) to talk to the person. I think subconsciously I'm just wishing that the social situation would just go away, and I do absolutely whatever I can to make the time go faster.

And ALL of this occurs as if I'm on auto-pilot.
man...you just describe me lol :(.

but yeah. my mind usually goes blank and i just mumble whatever to get out of the situation.
 
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