What Do You Do with a Friend?

[Riiya goes paranoid.]

I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS, I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT!

I do exactly the same thing, i ended with college and now i work all day and come home. My life is basically home, work, home. I've never done nothing in my life that i wasn't forced to , i feel that i will live a empty life and die alone.

I did have some friends in college, but they didn't invite me to go out, and if they did i wouldn't know how to, i've never did it and i don't have the skills to do it. Now i'm losting touch with them ...

sorry but i can only repeat, Help!

I have no idea. I've never really had any friends so I wouldn't know.

I think you need to like some sort of activity, so that you can do it together. Most people seem to meet their friends through such activities -- volunteering, playing a sport, joining hiking groups, working a job, attending a church, being an activist, whatever. Easier said than done of course.

[Riiya goes paranoid.]

Riiya said:

Hoth said:

I think you need to like some sort of activity, so that you can do it together. Most people seem to meet their friends through such activities -- volunteering, playing a sport, joining hiking groups, working a job, attending a church, being an activist, whatever. Easier said than done of course.

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Yeah, I know. For me the "meeting people" part is easy; it's the "turning acquaintances into friends" that's difficult. Like I said, I don't know how to "hang." I lack the experience. People my age drink. I don't drink. It's not that I'm resistant to alcohol; I just don't really drink. If someone took me to a bar I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to order. Seriously, what the hell is "a shot"? I think I'd rather go to Starbucks. If I had to guess I could at least order some "Hot Chocolate," and it's a drink I know wouldn't taste as nasty.

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ok one last post. you seem like my type of person riiya...not sure if you are a guy or a girl lol...not that it really matters. i dont drink and i dont care to. i'm not sure if youre joking and not sure if i'm right but i think a shot is a small "glass" of hard liquor that they drink in one gulp? :?. starbucks sounds better but i dont even go there cuz i dont want to order. if i had a chance of a date...that would probably be the place i would take someone. well at least you guys work...i have no motivation. i used to...but like you guys say...work...home...work. who wants to live like that? maybe if i had someone i would have incentive to...but i dont. and my sa is killing me. i did have quite a few friends at one time in my life...too many once...i didnt have time for. but lately...i cant keep any if my life depended on it...and it may very well come down to that lol.

I've never been to a bar or a Starbucks, and don't drink alcohol (afraid I'd do something embarrassing) or coffee. Guess that makes me twice as inhuman.

Surely not everybody your age is in a bar all day, though? You must be meeting the wrong people for you. Try moving in different circles or something maybe? Since you're able to meet people, you're halfway there.

I've only done a few hours of awkward "hanging" with friends I'd already known online, but for that I've done lunch, walks and hikes... works well enough as a distraction from the inability to intelligently converse. I suspect you do eat, even if you're wheelchair-bound.

[Riiya goes paranoid.]

you bring up some good points i would like to know too. the napkin is i guess your preference. i put it on my lap. i think putting in your shirt looks dorky...but look around and see if others do that i guess. and i guess its how confident you are if you can keep food from falling on your clothes. i've never tipped cuz i've never gone to a restaurant with someone who did it instead. i think 10-15 percent? you'll have to ask someone else or google it. sharing the bill is another thing i havent done...someone else paid for it. i would think if you went out with friends it would be dutch...but who knows? do people ask each other these things ahead of time or is it tacky to ask? i have no idea what it would be if a large group like 5+ would be. if you asked someone (date) then obviously you would. i would assume you should definately wait for the other persons food to come if on a date. but if its someone you know really well...i guess you could start. but i think usually the food comes at the same time? :? i know its weird how it seems like people know just naturally how these things go? is there a class that is taught that i didnt know about? maybe parents taught them what to do? or maybe this is what people talk about? some help anyone?

welcome to the lives of MOST SA sufferers, me included, of course.

:roll:

[Riiya goes paranoid.]

Well i've never done something to have a friend i think, in school i just waited for someone to talk to me hahaha, if they didnt i just pretended to read or do some homework, then someone would aproach to steal it or something and a friendship would rise! hahaha just jocking... no i guess the interests you have, even if youre a nerd. You could try mmm doing something you like in front of people like drawing or reading a book and maybe someone would talk to you, i dont know :? its weird... i was watching the simpsons a few days ago and i laughed when grandpa said that he likes to sit next to the trash can in a mall so that he could talk to people who go and throw their garbage hahahaa.

Riiya said:

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't even know how to do lunch. I've never really been in a fancy restaurant and I don't know the etiquette there.

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I went to Burger King and Carl's Jr. That eliminates the etiquette issues (process: [1] place hamburger in hands [2] bite down [3] chew [4] swallow [5] repeat) and prevents going broke at the same time. Not that it didn't feel really awkward still, but it was less awkward than sitting around doing nothing.

Fancy restaurants are for family occasions or dating... and even a worthwhile date wouldn't insist on them.

If your food comes first are you supposed to eat right away or wait until the other guy gets his/her food?

I just started right away, I don't think it matters. In fact the answer to all your lunch questions is that nobody cares (except the bill -- I'd certainly only want to pay for the things I actually ate).

what if other situations come up?

Then anybody worth knowing would be understanding about your awkwardness. You don't have to be perfect. Learn as you go.

Let's not forget the fact that I can't carry a conversation if my life depended on it.

You're managing it here. It's harder in person, but silence works nicely in person. You don't have to say much.

do people ask each other these things ahead of time or is it tacky to ask?

Anyone who'd hold questions against you isn't worth knowing.

Disclaimer: I'm totally unqualified to give any of the advice I've given. Do not sue me if it causes people to hate you forever.