what is it exactly your scared off?

I think in order to understand something, you need to know where it stems from. so what is it exactly your scared offf in social situations mainly?
for example when i went through a stage of feeling very paranoid and insecure about myself, what i was most scared off was people being fake towards me. like be nice to my face, but secretly everyones calling me names between themselves. like they all know something which i dont, and then being nice to me was some kind of group joke which i didnt get, which then made them laugh at me more.
i think this is the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard off to be honest, reading back just now im like wtf? but at the time i would of been quite sure this was happening.
so then to know why i was feeling very insecure i had to work out i had trust issues. after knowing that. everything else becsame alot easier.

so what is it your most scared off?

That is an intersting question. I used to be scared, or anxious of a lot of social situations, however, years of therapy and getting older has changed that.

Now I would say my fear would be of being psycotic! Quite extreme I know, however, I have REALLY believed some mad things at times, others have realised, and I didn't. It is horrible when people say" Are you better now, last time I saw you I couldn't believe what you were saying".

Actually that is not an irrational fear, it is a reality.

Peace.

My therapist just asked me to keep a journal of what is actually provoking my depression and anxiety. So here it goes...

I guess this is my partial list of things that provoke anxiety (some is social, some not)...

Driving... I get overwhelmed and have panic attacks whenever I drive. Maybe it stems from the fact that I sometimes zone out/get distracted and run red lights and stuff. Now I think I partly get fear of fear its self... because then I get dizzy and it's not so good

Listening to the radio while driving tends to make it even worse because it feels like too much is coming at me. It makes me want to scream.

Interacting with co-workers. One I am mostly okay with because I think she seems genuinely caring inside... But everyone there DOES talk about each other behind their back and I have caught them doing it behind my back, AND I have had things where someone will mention something in a meeting that is clearly about me but they won't use names. Recently a teacher I taught with two years ago (different teams now) said in a meeting about attachment disorders that she worked with a TEACHER once who likely had an attachment disorder and then went on to describe ME perfectly... It was so obvious she meant me, and I'm sure EVERYONE knew it.

Believing that people, especially co-workers and kids parents and such, think I'm stupid, because when we have meetings or whatever everyone is always so articulate and I never even know WHAT to say, and when I try saying whatever comes to mind I stutter and it comes out all a mess. I'm not imagining this, it DOES.

Trying to concentrate on what people (even kids at work) are telling me when there's a lot of background noise (or noise in my head) is so hard for me. Even when I really TRY to focus and block stuff out my mind wanders a lot. And then I have no clue how to respond.

Trying to focus on my office work and all the while knowing that I keep falling further behind because I can't focus. I often end up having panic attacks over that, too. And I'm affraid I'll get fired when they realize how behind I am. And then I will let my family down because we need the money for bills... I don't know what else I would do for a job, or COULD do successfully, that would have the same rate of pay.

Our house gets REALLY messy (thanks to depression) and my mom comes here every week, and before she comes I go NUTS cleaning and get so anxious because it's always overwhelming and I feel like if I don't keep up she will think I'm a slob... SHE always kept the house clean. I feel like I should be able to as well. But I can never stay motivated for more than a few days.

Taking my son out to public places like the park... All the other moms there are older and seem so much more together and chatty and everything and I am so awkward, I always feel like people are thinking I'm lame.

Actually, even simple things like having to get dressed to go out... Lately I often wear the same thing from Friday morning to Sunday night and I just don't go out at all. Cooking, having to get groceries or gas, everything just feels like TOO MUCH.

People getting too much into my head... i am really worried that people will notice traits like my stuttering or whatever and then figure out how mentally messed up I am, and then they'll think i'm even MORE pathetic.

I worry that people think I'm not good enough to be a mom/wife/teacher/etc... Not stable enough/smart enough/pretty enough/social enough...

Fear/obsession that I'll get schizophrenia like my brother.

Sometimes fers of myself... like that what if my body acted against me and made me do horrible things... Like drive off the road or kill my baby or run someone over with my car... These vissions torment me even though I KNOW I would never do these things... but I guess it fits with the fear of getting schizophrenia/loosing my mind.

Things that make me depressed...
Unescapable anxiety
Feeling stupid/ugly/incompetant/unworthy
My dog being dead
My stupid eye condition which is painful and ugly, and there is no cure and it's chronic
Feeling trapped in my job
Feeling exhausted all the time
The fact that I'm stuck living and "can't" kill myself because even though I'm miserable I don't want to hurt my loved ones
The fact that I don't trust that I'll get better, and I fear I'll get worse
The fact that I have been like this my entire life and have a family history of mental illness, schizophrenia and suicide attempts... It all makes hope feel rather distant.

Maam, i can relate to the things you mentioned...You see when you look at this stuff you get the feeling that you're being irrational but at the same time you cant help it...Like in the case of driving for example, i know there are thousands of people in my city who drive and have no isssues with the red lights, arrogant policemen, deluded drivers and carefree pedestrians...but even thinking about doing it makes me feel weak in the knees..i have this attachment thing as well that you mentioned... if someone is kind to me i fall head over heals and feel like going over the edge for them... i fantasize about them everyday and cry hard cos i miss them...i mean any normal person would say 'this guy's crazy' cos they would know the other person he loves was just being there for him and would probably mock him for acting like this... I think it's really brave of you to face up to things like this... gives me hope to go on too... I've had a really bad time as well cos of SA...

[quoteso what is it your most scared off?[/quote]
what i'm afraid of in social situations....i think its having to respond to whatever the other people throw out to me. there are so many 'dangers'. like, everyone's giving their opinion on some topic. my opinion on that topic is different from the average because i'm a bit unconventional. i dont want to express that and let them see how i'm unconventional. or they might ask me to do something, and, chances are, i wouldnt want to do it, and that would mean i'd have to refuse without offending them, or without appearing strange for not wanting to do it. like say they're all going to go out somewhere as a group, and i dont like doing that, but i dont want them to know i dont like doing t hat. i want to be accepted, but if i reveal much about myself, they might reject me.

i dont care about being accepted by them except at the times i am actually physically with them, ie. at work. because its more comfortable being with people when they accept you.

also i have a phobia about lying, that i cant tell a lie. so i'm afraid that someone will put me on the spot and i'll say something not quite true, to avoid revealing what i dont want to reveal, and then i'll obsess about the fact that i lied, and think i should go and 'confess' to them that i lied. there are so many temptations to lie, becos it'd be easier.

i am afraid of confrontation, explaining myself, being cornered. i am afraid of being held responsible for something more than i can handle. i am afraid of being hurt physically or emotionally.

is that irrational? i don't know. so many irrational things happen in this world that i stay on guard always.