What is the exact nature of your SA?

No SA is alike, as I can now truly appreciate after spending not even a week on this forum.

Personally, my root problem is probably not being a quick-on-my-feet thinker when I'm talking. I can't organize my thoughts and put together meaningful sentences at the same speed that my lips move. If you asked me to explain how the game blackjack (a game I am familiar with) works, I would have a hard time converting my understanding of how it works into words - as a result, you would hear from me a lot of "ahhhs" and "you knows," there would be some silences when I pause to think, and the end result would probably be me feeling a bit embarrassed, knowing that you would now not know anymore about the game of blackjack than you did before I started talking.

Because of this problem, I lack confidence in explaining things to people and thus have trouble telling stories, giving presentations, advising people, etc, etc... The problem is worsened when people truly are (not just irrational thinking on my behalf) more critical of what I'm saying, e.g. a potential employer (during an interview), a professor or current employer (during a presentation), a potential girlfriend (at first meeting or while chatting as acquaintances), or at essentially any time when I am the centre of attention (and, thus, many people are attentive to my words).

On the positive side, I have no actual fear of people - quite the contrary. I love chatting in-person with another person or maybe two or three other people, and I don't mind making small talk with strangers, though I don't like it either. I am a good listener and love hearing others' stories, while I occasionally throw in my own little bit of input. As such, a lot of my friends are extroverts: I can just sit back and listen to them, while they enjoy freely spewing out what they feel they need to say. Furthermore, I actually prefer to have people around, even strangers. When I moved cities to go to a different university, I chose to live with roommates whom I initially did not know so as to not be alone (also, it's cheaper that way). I've worked as a cashier - no anxiety there whatsoever. So long as I don't have to do a lot of talking at one time, I'm fine.

I don't come across as shy, and most of the people I know probably wouldn't even describe me as such (though they also wouldn't describe me as an extrovert/social butterfly either). And I've never even told my family that I have SA; I never really felt the need to (and they've never suspected me of having it).

What is your SA like?

Basically, I'm just the "quiet" girl, wherever I go, I'm the Quiet One. I don't know how to make friends, and I have little desire to keep them around when I do make them. I'm okay with not having friends and not having much to say to other people, but my SA really kicks in when I have to go to any kind of social event. If I have to be around other people, especially people my own age, then I get extremely tensed up and can't handle it. This poses a problem at work, in my relationship, and makes me feel bad about myself when I can't find a way to fit in. I'm working on finding ways to ease the panic I feel in those situations. Other than that, I try to cruise along and enjoy my life the way it is. The hardest part is trying to accept that my life doesn't have to look like everyone else's...that I can be happy without hanging out with others every weekend, or being invited to parties all the time. These aren't things I like to do, so why do I want to have those things? My goal is to be happy with who I am, while still getting to a point where I can function in social situations when I need to.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

The hardest part is trying to accept that my life doesn't have to look like everyone else's

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I hear ya.

I notice a lot of times I don't try to join in with people like for example I'll stand off listening to my headphones. (like while waiting for class). and I'll avoid eye contact.
I don't like talking in groups. I can be ok with one on one conversations if the person and I "click" and they understand, but if i'm talking to someone and i sense they think i'm weird or they ignore me then i get anxiety.

i work as a cashier too and sometimes I'll get waves of anxiety. I'll take deep breaths.

After an interaction with someone, I keep replaying it over and over and feeling totally awkward about it. Or after, say a class presentation or whatever.

If someone asks me to do something (which is rare, except for my boyfriend who i'm comfortable around) then I will feel awkward and probably will try to get out of it

When people joke around or whatever, or act like all casual and stuff like for example I have this manager whos really loud and crazy (in a good way) he'll scream my name for fun like VICKKYYYDOODAHHH and I'll just smile whereas other people would be like HEYYYY and this is annoying because i wish i could be normal sometimes and not like awkward just saying "hi" or whatever/smiling

there's other stuff but that's what I can think of now..

My SA is this huge ugly beast that has completely taken over my life.

I don't work, and the thought of looking for work sends me in a panic. That alone creates a lot of problems for me. Having no money means I cannot make plans or do things I want to do. It also makes me feel like a failure. And I have all this time...My life is on hold.

Anxiety interferes with my everyday life...I can't make decisions. I can't speak up. Don't even talk to me about public speaking, I can't do it. I also can't drive. Cars move too fast for my liking. I am like a scared little animal. A bunny. Bunnies are cute...

I have no friends. And while I am up for doing things, I don't get invited anywhere 'cause I don't know anyone. I spend most days indoors, in my room.

For me, under stressful transitional periods in my life I tend to isolate from people.

Most people have a self-righteous judgmental thing going on, which I react badly to. It sends me into a physical panic, as though my body were telling me to get away as fast as possible.

My flight instinct is very strong, from people and from situations. I hope one day to find a person or an environment that doesn't trigger it.

(meanwhile... i have this place, lol)

alot of those problems you described just sound like you are more introverted, you can however become a confident introvert by changing your beliefs..

i was wondering-does anyone else have this problem of obsessing over things and being very embarrassed about them? Like yesterday I had to give a presentation in class (i was happy--i've been improving when it comes to this and even though I'm monotonous/not a great speaker at least my voice doesn't have tremors anymore!)

But I feel like when I was answering questions after the presentation I said something stupid because someone laughed about the subject and then later I asked the teacher a question in class (something I usually will not do) and now I feel like people think I'm weird/I feel embarrassed and stupid for ever opening my mouth. I feel like I say things that other people wouldn't say because i'm awkward or something.

Sometimes I feel like things that other people wouldn't think about, affect me for days.

Like if a customer is really mean to me at work it ends up ruining the next 24 hours for me.

I hate this obsession that I always have. Whenever I have some kind of interaction I always am obsessing over it and feel embarrassed, and probably no one even noticed.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

Basically, I'm just the "quiet" girl, wherever I go, I'm the Quiet One.

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Pretty much this. Except I'm a guy. The quiet, weird, dumb, whatever one.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

Basically, I'm just the "quiet" girl, wherever I go, I'm the Quiet One. I don't know how to make friends, and I have little desire to keep them around when I do make them. I'm okay with not having friends and not having much to say to other people, but my SA really kicks in when I have to go to any kind of social event.

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aftermidnight said:

Personally, my root problem is probably not being a quick-on-my-feet thinker when I'm talking. I can't organize my thoughts and put together meaningful sentences at the same speed that my lips move.

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These two quotes above basically sum my social anxiety.

Etbow23 said:

I hate this obsession that I always have. Whenever I have some kind of interaction I always am obsessing over it and feel embarrassed, and probably no one even noticed.

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I do as well. These are small things that probably most people would brush off and not think much about. Like you, I also dwell on it for days. Wonder what we can do about that. It is in our head, like you said, most likely no one even noticed.

I'm exactly the same as you in that I find it extremely difficult to explain things to people. This breaks my confidence as well.

I'm constantly worried about having nothing to say/sounding stupid or weird/being a nuisance to others.

I always put myself down and I'm pretty sure I have low self esteem. I get obsessed over having said something in a "wrong" way or having upset someone even if it was a very small thing that probably didn't even make a fleeting impact on them. I fear judgement above all else and that makes me a very paranoid person.

This all makes me a very very quiet person, there are things I want to say, I just don't have the confidence to say it for fear of the things above.
Sometimes I'll think there's nothing for me to say, but I know that it must be my fear and anxiety clouding my thoughts. It makes my brain very unclear and thus unable to articulate a sentence or have a decent conversation with anybody. I hate being this way but at least now I've come to accept it.

I hate this obsession that I always have. Whenever I have some kind of interaction I always am obsessing over it and feel embarrassed, and probably no one even noticed.

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Yeah, my interactions with people trigger all sorts of paranoia too. I often stay up all night, fussing over things I've said, worrying that I've been misunderstood, wondering what other people are thinking, trying to think of ways to smooth things over or to extricate myself from any involvement. I also worry about how much of my time I spend thinking about these things, and constantly wonder if it's even worth it.

Every now and then I meet someone who doesn't make me too anxious, and that's always such a treat. I really appreciate those people!

I would rather not define it,or have it define me.

I'm not shy.
I'm scared of people harming me physically.
I've always been scared of 'people' in general- since kindergarten started.
Doesn't matter if they are strangers or family members; I can't trust anyone. Everyone is a potential attacker.

And since I'm afraid of people and have no confidence, I stay away from anything social - don't get to know people and don't bother talking other than the minimum requirement for being polite.


...I guess that's it?

I've always been shy since I was born - practically! I never developed social skills fully and till this day I still don't know how to start a conversation with getting nervous and awkward. Although I'm fine to talking to people small talk I can't deal with long conversations because I run out of things to say and I get all twitchy and such. I'm not really sure why I'm like this tbh.

WeirdyMcGee said:

I'm not shy.
I'm scared of people harming me physically.
I've always been scared of 'people' in general- since kindergarten started.
Doesn't matter if they are strangers or family members; I can't trust anyone. Everyone is a potential attacker.

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Wow, you're just like my sister. She and I are quite similar, except her SA is more fear-based like yours. She gets migraines and a terrible rash from the stress associated with her fear of people. Fortunately she has a hobby that she enjoys very much, and a strictly regimented lifestyle which keeps her feeling safe and stable. In other words she lives her life around her fears, and she does it extremely well. She's remarkable in so many ways... I owe my own sanity to her, tbh.

Just sayin'... you remind me of her.

I have always felt like I have struggled to be around other people. I AM shy....and people can see it... When I speak I feel like everything I am saying is ridiculous.... almost to the point where the actual words that I am using are not making any sense at all.

I have this feeling that people simply find me off putting..or that I am a loser. Even in my adult life I feel like people just want to stay away from me because I am in someway inferior.

The way I look, my actions, and the way I behave is awkward. People see me and they feel awkward themselves...and it brings me down.
I have a tendency to not engage in banter with other people that much, because I dont know what to say and I feel stupid saying it...sometimes I think that I am being condescending or being a nuisance. I am highly sensitive to other peoples opinion of me... It dictates almost every part of my life. I would rather be accepted and liked than stand up and be rejected.

Etbow23 said:

i was wondering-does anyone else have this problem of obsessing over things and being very embarrassed about them? Like yesterday I had to give a presentation in class (i was happy--i've been improving when it comes to this and even though I'm monotonous/not a great speaker at least my voice doesn't have tremors anymore!)

But I feel like when I was answering questions after the presentation I said something stupid because someone laughed about the subject and then later I asked the teacher a question in class (something I usually will not do) and now I feel like people think I'm weird/I feel embarrassed and stupid for ever opening my mouth. I feel like I say things that other people wouldn't say because i'm awkward or something.

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Congrats on the improvement with presentations. I seem to be very sporadic in that department, and I can't tell if I'm improving or not. Sometimes I will do really well; sometimes I'll do poorly. One time I did so well on a presentation (a lecture actually - it was more than an hour long!) that I actually WANTED to do another presentation. But then my next presentation (several months later) sucked. Thank god for propranolol though. Even if it's more or less just a placebo effect for me, it works.

Myself aside, it doesn't seem you know for sure what people were laughing at. That means that there's probably a 50% chance that they were just laughing at a joke you accidentally made (a good thing) and not something stupid you said. Even if it were something stupid you said, no big deal really - people realize that stuff like that happens when you're nervous, as you should be. A bit of a relief for me was what I learned in Toastmaster's (a public speaking group that also offers certificates in public speaking; it was required in one of my courses): most people get considerably nervous when talking in front of a group of others. A few people are able to go up and talk freely, some people get butterflies in their stomachs, and most people are of the type who consider getting hit by a bus so that they can have a valid excuse to miss the speech/presentation. So, if you do say something stupid or somehow give out the vibe that you're nervous, then pretty much everyone in the crowd is going to be understanding and not critical. At least as long as you're not a total mess and breakdown. Hence why my idea of success in a presentation is just making it through without collapsing.

Realizing that is really not any more helpful than trying to picture everyone in the audience in their underwear, but it does help afterwards when you're concerned that everyone now sees you differently. Most people just don't care.