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Old 05-10-2010
Maya23's Avatar
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I thought this was an interesting question relating to social anxiety. What do you notice first when you see a person, even before you talk to them?

I tend to notice body language, such as if the person is smiling or not. Then I interpret this and decide if they like me or not. Right here I can identify my irrational belief: If they aren't smiling, they don't like me.

I tend to smile a lot when I first meet people and try to make people laugh. I assume that if body language is the first thing I notice about people, then that must be the first thing they notice about me (making me very self conscious).

Maybe the first thing we notice about people is the problem, because we think they are judging us in the exact same way.
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Old 05-10-2010
nopark's Avatar
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Hmm I'm really not sure. When I first meet people almost all of my attention is focused on myself (am I standing weird, what do I say, what the hell do I do with my hands?! etcetera).

I'll have to consciously think about it next time and report back!
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Old 05-10-2010
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That's a great observation Maya. I recognize that I tend to do the same thing.

I'm trying to work on identifying that irrationality when it occurs and remind myself not to jump to conclusions.
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Old 05-10-2010
 

Their physical appearance I guess....since I have eyes that see....
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Old 05-10-2010
 

When i meet someone for the first time when they speak to me i like to see if they are comfortable and are smiling and i look into the eyes. If they are chatty or if they touch you on the shoulder, hand whatever then it means they are comfortable with you.
If someone is cold towards me i tend to not be open with them also.

Its from me being a people pleaser. If they arnt comfortable then im not.
There used to be something on tv that i watched, i think it was big brother and a body language expert used to come on and say what some tell tale signs are. So i always notice them now.
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Old 05-10-2010
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I guess I need to carry a little cheat sheet... i never seem to be able to remember the body language stuff - so i end up jumping to all kinds of conclusions!
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Old 05-10-2010
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^ yeah, when my girlfriend twirls her hair, it means she's tired (not always a good thing).
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Old 05-10-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by token_asian_friend View Post
Yeah, but people are so different. How could anyone think you could pigeonhole people on something as subtle as body language or facial expressions? Like the old stereotype that if your date is twirling her hair = good, and crossing her arms = bad is just not true IMO.

Oh, also for example I tend to avoid contact with people I find attractive (until I can come up with a plan). If I'm not attracted to you, chances are that I'll definitely come across a whole lot friendlier (unless I find you irritating). This goes for both men and women.
Yeah i cant help it though. I like to guess what people are thinking. Its comes with having anxiety really.
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Old 05-10-2010
lonely_drummer's Avatar
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The first thing I notice is how repulsed they are by me
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Old 05-10-2010
Maya23's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lonely_drummer View Post
The first thing I notice is how repulsed they are by me
I'm just curious though about what you mean by repulsed. I don't want to tell you how to feel or anything, so I'm sure if you say you feel like they are repulsed, then that is a real feeling for you, and that is harsh.

But just breaking it down in to what you first notice, what does repulsed mean to you? I'm not asking for why they may be "repulsed" but just a kind of less emotional, more behavioral description.

I guess I feel like sometimes people don't like me, but it is interesting to break it down into a more behaviorally oriented look at what is going on.
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Old 05-10-2010
Why
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their face
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Old 05-10-2010
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Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
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I notice a person's eyes first. They can usually be a good guide to what the person is feeling/thinking.
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Old 05-10-2010
Tiercel's Avatar
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The first thing I usually notice is that they're there.
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